15+ Women Share Stories of Their Fight for Their Right to Not Have Children

While parenting is still viewed as a moral imperative, more women are choosing to not become mothers. Each one has a different reason to go against the grain, some worry about the loss of freedom, others about finances, while others simply can’t, or don’t want to explore motherhood.

We at Bright Side respect every woman’s decision and felt curious about what those who don’t want to become mothers have to say about it.

• I was married for just over 50 years. We bucked the norm and did not want kids. In those days we said “we are trying” for a few years and then “we cannot have kids” case closed. It was our personal secret. If we were honest and said “we cannot have kids, because we just don’t want them” the fallout with family and friends would have been tough for us. © widowchildfree /reddit

• I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I hate when people tell me that kids make your life happy. If I am unhappy before kids and that’s when I have free time to sleep, travel, do hobbies, etc... how can a child possibly make my depression go away? © ketosteps / reddit

• A group of women lamented that lots of advice in a forum was for a very “privileged group” only. Namely: young women who are working full-time and have no kids. Not having kids is not a privilege I was born with. Getting pregnant is an active decision. If you choose differently, please stop saying that I am lucky and such a privileged person because of a conscious decision literally everyone is able to make. © lizztastic_chick / reddit

• One of the hardest parts of being childfree: what is my thing that’s gonna be my legacy? Obviously not kids, clearly not a career like Dolly Parton, so what will I do? I guess I don’t know what my “thing” is yet or if I even have to have a thing. © DrBinkleton / reddit

• If I regret not having kids, I’m not gonna make people pity me about the “sacrifices” I made by choice. As a doctor, it’s normal to be supportive, as friends and family too, but I’ll hit the next person that says that having children is selfless. It’s not, it’s a decision you made for yourself. © strawberry_nivea / reddit

• It’s usually men who feel the urge to talk down to you. Just recently, I was asked and then told by a man, “Is it the pain? It’s fine because women’s bodies were made to bear children. You can handle it.” I was a bit taken aback by this. I am just tired of having to explain myself to people all the time. I shouldn’t have to. © happyrain81 / reddit

• I physically can’t have children, so when I try to avoid that topic, people pick at it until I’m forced to confess that even if I wanted to, I can’t. What’s worse is when they go “oh you could adopt though?” Like no, I don’t want to and can’t have kids, why isn’t that enough? © minisculemango / reddit

• My biggest concern about having kids is the utter decimation of any personal free time. I have days where I can’t stand to see another human being, I can’t imagine what that would be like if I had a small human who depended on me. Pretty much nothing about how I live my life would mesh with childcare. © SnarkyRaccoon / reddit

• My life is wonderful. I have been to so many places, had so many experiences, and I would not have done half the things I did if I had children. For you younger folks who’ve heard, “You’ll regret it when you’re older” enough times to make you doubt yourself, remember that this old lady has been hearing “...you’ll regret it” since 1979, and still doesn’t regret it in 2020. © WonderfulCelestial / reddit
  

• Can we please stop telling people they will “change their mind when they’re older” when they say they don’t want children? Some people don’t want children because they don’t want them. And some people say they don’t want children because they’ve tried and are infertile, or have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth. © Sweet-Lady-H / reddit

• Not wanting children doesn’t make us selfish or bad people. I wish to see a world where child-free people don’t have to defend their choice to others or suffer socially for it. It’s a wonderful choice to have children, but if everyone has to do it — it’s not a choice. © throwRAstarly667 / reddit

• I was living a child-free life up until 2 months ago. Now, however, I have custody of my nephew. I will soon be adopting him forever. I’m upset because everyone has an opinion on it. “He’s a blessing.” “You’re finally a mother.” I won’t turn back or regret providing him with a safe and stable home. But I can’t help but feel that I’m sacrificing a big chunk of my happiness for this. © Queenofmyown / reddit

• “Wait and see — you’ll change your mind one of these days and you’ll end up with kids, just like everyone else!” Well, I’m getting tired of the suspense. Now that the party’s over, and we finished the cake with the “Happy #70!” on it, I’m in a mood to ponder my future. It seems to me that if I’m going to change my mind, I don’t have much time left. All these people who told me I’m bound to change my mind can’t be wrong, can they? © Al_Bondigass / reddit
  

• I don’t want to have to walk another person through all the life stages I already went through. I don’t wanna have to deal with watching the inevitable moments of bad choices. Parenting sounds like repeating the steps you already went through except this time you have more answers, but the people you’re trying to help won’t listen to you. © what_the_a / reddit

What is your opinion on the pressure on people to become parents? What influenced your decision to have a baby, or have a child-free life?