I Told My Wife She No Longer Has an Excuse to Not Work

After the birth of their child, some couples make the decision for the mother to stay at home. This choice is often driven by a variety of factors, including the desire for one parent to provide consistent care and attention to the newborn. Statistics show that only 27% of women continue to be part of the workforce. One man in the net shared the concern that his wife doesn’t want to get back to work after spending two years raising their kid.

My wife and I had our first child two years ago. We agreed she’d be a stay-at-home mom while I supported the household financially. After noticing her struggle with motherhood, I explored childcare options and discovered my job offers benefits related to it. Our daughter now attends daycare conveniently located in my office building.

Since then my wife got a lot of free time as our daughter stays in the childcare till evening. We split the household chores and I really don’t mind cleaning and cooking. Still, my wife has not done much with her day since our daughter started daycare.

Considering all of these I once asked my wife a question “When are you going back to work?”. She gave me a glare of death and told a good husband provides the option for their wife to stay home and do nothing like my coworkers do. I told her that they also cheated on their wives, and she probably doesn’t want me to do the same. I said if you want to be then either watch our daughter or do the housework. Your being home is not a free pass to do nothing.

I didn’t intend to threaten or imply cheating; I simply wanted to show the downsides of envied lifestyles. My wife, a former software engineer, initially agreed with daycare, but her current inactivity troubles me. I’ve suggested she speak to her doctor, but she must take that step herself. I acknowledge I mishandled the situation and regret the things I said.

Here are some Internet users’ comments:

• Is your wife getting any help with her mental and physical health? She was overwhelmed with one child and one household. I think there’s something else going on here that needs to be addressed before any other work etc. is mentioned. © WhizzoButterBoy / Reddit
• As a partner in that relationship, you deserve to feel cared for, as she does. That’s the core problem here. It shouldn’t be you looking at your wife and saying “You’re doing wrong, stop it,” it should be you saying “I feel like I’m carrying things by myself and need some more help.”
  You attack her, she’s going to feel attacked. You ask for support, hopefully, she’ll be open to doing that as the discussion won’t feel like she is being put on a marital PIP. © Narkareth / Reddit
• Tell you that you both need to contribute to the household, and any time you spend on those activities is time taken away from your child, and she has time when you are at work. © Automatic_Metal_4969 / Reddit

We can also suggest trying these things:

• Give her a little more time. Reentering the job market could present challenges for stay-at-home mothers. They might struggle with feelings of being unprepared to resume their former roles after being away for years. Balancing time constraints and personal well-being, they might also question the relevance of their skills and experience following the employment gap.
• Talk to her about what interests her now the most. Maybe she wants to change her role as an engineer, ask her what is she doing throughout the day. Does she have any hobbies? Maybe she is looking for something to start with a new career but probably she is not 100% confident if this work out and hence may not be open with her plans.

Recently a woman raised a question about whether a vacation with children can be considered a vacation at all. Read her full story here.