I Accidentally Discovered I Have Siblings but Don’t Want Them in My Life

Sometimes, family isn’t the people who gave birth to you, but the ones who stepped in when you needed them the most. Adoptive parents are just as much parents as those who raise their biological children.

This young man was abandoned by his parents as a baby and later adopted by another family. Due to an incorrect genetic test, he unknowingly made himself available to be found. When his birth siblings reached out, what they demanded was the last thing he expected.

He shared his story with the online community.

"I was adopted as an infant. Actually, I was found in an alley, and when my birth family didn't come forward to claim me, and nobody knew who I was, I was adopted. But I was an infant at the time, thankfully, so no long foster care experience.

I was placed without anything to keep me warm, in a low-visibility area, and there were no signs I was lovingly placed. It basically looked like I was thrown away like trash. I've seen some old newspaper clippings about it. The story was told to me gradually throughout my childhood.

My parents were always open about my adoption, though. I never felt othered. My family (parents, siblings and extended family) were my family, even if I was the only non-bio kid in the family. I was loved—I was treasured, even—and I had a great life."

"But the circumstances surrounding my adoption meant some stuff was unclear, with medical history being the biggest concern. I never really cared—until I got engaged a few months ago. My fiancée and I want children, and seeing the health issues in my family made me realize that I have no idea if I could pass anything on to my future kids.

After thinking it over, I did 23&Me genetic testing, but I did it wrong and also mistakenly added myself to be found. I realized quickly after my results came in, but by then, it was too late and two birth siblings found me.

They're older. My birth parents had five kids before me. They all know about me and want to know me. The birth siblings started off somewhat reasonable, but when I made it clear that I didn't want to hear my birth parents' story, they flipped a switch."

"They said how much their parents regretted giving me away and how they would've come forward, but they didn't want to get into trouble for abandoning me like they did. They believed I owed their parents and them the chance to get it all out there and to build a relationship.

I stood my ground, and I blocked them, but they followed me to social media, insisting we're family and that I should be kinder to them and their parents. I was told it's not like I'm just a half sibling, and I'm 'the baby' who was missing.

They sent messages that were trying to make me feel bad for their parents, specifically their mom, and it pissed me off. After almost 3 months of dealing with them finding ways around my blocking them, I told them to leave me alone and how I don't care about their parents.

I had to delete my account because it was just random account after random account, and I couldn't block them fast enough in their outrage over what I said. They told me their parents didn't deserve that."

Here is what people on the Internet had to say about this situation.

• "You didn't deserve to be abandoned like garbage as an infant. There have been Safe Haven laws for decades. You owe no one anything." tidymaze / Reddit
• "You have every right to choose whether to have a relationship, and you owe them nothing. They gave up that right, and it is not your job to hear or heal their regrets.
  I was adopted and had a reunion with my birth parents, and I don’t talk to them anymore because they and my bio fam became too overbearing. They wanted me to make their family complete, but no, thanks, I’ve got a family. I’m glad they got to know I’m ok, but I don’t owe them anything more, and that wasn’t enough for them. Look after yourself first." HumbleExplanation13 / Reddit
• "Okay, they didn't 'give you away,' they abandoned you to the elements, displaying a reckless disregard for your health, safety, and survival. They didn't come forward 'they didn't want to get in trouble,' their concern then and now is themselves. They are seeking your forgiveness so they can feel good about themselves and not be the vile humans they actually are." Wingman06714 / Reddit
• "What they did was not that at any level. You lived a great life and were so lucky to do so. You don't owe them anything." angel9_writes / Reddit
• "I’m an international adoptee, and I was left by a dumpster. I am a dumpster baby. If my bio family tried to force a relationship on me and said they did things for good reasons, I wouldn’t wanna hear it." jiearchives / Reddit

• "They would’ve come forward, but they didn’t want to get into trouble for abandoning you, so they chose their safety over yours. This was not a mistake, it was a well-thought-out decision, regret or not. Regrets doesn’t undo the mistake or the suffering one goes through." Banana-phone15 / Reddit
• "Our daughter is an adoptee, and has expressed no desire to contact her birth parents (if she could ever find them, long story). You owe these people nothing. They were never there for you. They do not need to be in your life to any degree.
  I loathe the 'but we’re family' excuse. It’s used to excuse so much bad behavior. Anyway, love is what makes a family. Not shared genetic material." Icy_Bath_1170 / Reddit
• "There probably is profound guilt, and your siblings likely are desperate to connect with you. That does not mean you have to accept them. Your story here is profoundly sad, and I do wish for you to be happy and loved.
  If you have never done therapy, please consider talking to a professional for your own sake. Do not feel forced to let these other people into your life. They need to deal with their guilt in their own way, without making you the center of it. " thequiethunter / Reddit
• "It wasn't a mistake, it was a choice to leave a baby in the alley. Now they regret it, but it's not on you to fix their issues. They can live with their choices and the regret that comes with it." garboge32 / Reddit

Growing up in a split family is hard. Some kids struggle with change, and stepparents aren’t always who they seem.