I Asked My Husband to Hold His Pee During a Flight With Two Kids; He Refused and I’m Worried

Navigating the challenges of air travel with young children is a task that requires patience, planning, and often, some compromise. But for the woman in today’s story, a simple plane flight ended up in a nightmare.

She explained her side of the story.

My husband and I flew a 3.5-hour flight with our 3-month-old and 2.5yo recently. We were unable to buy seats together so I was in the middle aisle with the baby and he was across the aisle from me with the aisle seat and the toddler in the middle.

About an hour into the flight, my husband gets up to pee while I’m nursing the baby and as soon as he leaves the toddler crawls over to me. I try to get the toddler to sit on my lap but he causes the baby to stop eating so the baby is crying on me while I’m trying to hold the toddler and not disrupt the two people I’m sitting next to. Plus my husband got stuck behind the beverage cart so he could grab the toddler for 20 minutes.

Later, my husband gets up to pee again while I’m feeding the baby and the same thing happens when trying to feed the baby with a toddler on my lap. Ending up with a crying baby and a toddler in one middle seat.

Back story, my husband pees a lot. I’ve worked with a pelvic floor therapist and told her how frequently he pees and she agrees it’s too much and he should work with PT to avoid issues down the road. He says he doesn’t need help and blames it on drinking lots of water. He works a full-time job in an office and goes for hours without peeing when he has back-to-back calls so he’s capable of holding it. He’s never peed himself or had an accident. He did go to the urologist this year who ruled out any prostate, or cancer.

After the flight, I told my husband how hard it was to balance both boys and asked if he could just hold his pee. So many times I have to pee when I’m watching the boys but hold it until the timing is better. He said he can’t.

Next, I asked if he could ask me before he pees and goes when the baby isn’t nursing and I have two hands. He said no and he should be able to pee when he has to go.

We have a full summer of flying ahead of us including a few international trips and I’m worried.

Ps.: He gets annual physicals and is extremely healthy. No diabetes and all labs are within normal limits. He does ultra-marathons and has never peed on himself during a long run.

People stood on her side.

• “You were both in a difficult situation, but it sounds like the labor was not divided evenly and the consequences weren’t either — he got his needs met, while you didn’t, and left with all of the parental labor in your moments of highest overwhelm, while you’re nursing. If he’s unable to hold his pee for a few minutes, he needs a doctor. If he refuses a doctor and continues to WILLINGLY put you in this situation, he’s a jerk.” amoebafr3ak / Reddit
• “I just did a 5-hour flight and brought my toddler with me to the tiny plane bathrooms, did it suck, yup. But what other choice did I have? He can bring a toddler with him. Problem temporarily solved.” pporappibam / Reddit
• “Every time he goes to the bathroom, wait until he gets back and then go to the bathroom yourself. This means he gets his needs met as he needs to pee so urgently and you get your needs met by having 10 minutes to breathe after having the stress of managing both.” Okdoey / Reddit

• “He could also attempt to plan his bathroom trips a little better — not wait until he super urgently needs to pee to go to the bathroom... That way, in case it’s a bad time, he still could wait 20 min without being super uncomfortable.” swampy-crocs / Reddit
• “Unfortunately this sounds like a case of poor planning on your and your husband’s part regarding seating, and having already known your husband frequently uses the bathroom. For your international flights, choose seats together, and next to a restroom. Also, talk to him about drinking less a bit before and during the flight.” TonightDouble7539 / Reddit
• “Hand him both kids. Take twenty minutes to yourself elsewhere. Do this every time he abandons you for a ’medical need’ he refused to get handled, and let him know it will continue until he sees a doctor and gets treatment.” PrettiestFrog / Reddit

In the end, the flight served as a reminder of the importance of flexibility and communication in the parenting journey. While her husband’s refusal to hold his pee added an unexpected layer of stress, it also highlighted their to balance each other’s needs and comfort in challenging situations.