I Canceled My Wedding Because Fiancé’s Ex Was Invited by His Family

While weddings are supposed to be the best days of our lives, sometimes things can get complicated. Having someone from the side interfering with the guest list or your partner hiding big secrets can only make the situation worse. And when the groom sides with his family instead of his bride, the wedding can be over before it even begins.

The bride asked Reddit for help.

“I (27 f) and my fiancé, Alex (30 m), have been engaged for a year and were planning our wedding for the end of the summer. Everything was going smoothly until a couple of weeks ago, when Alex’s family dropped a bombshell.

Alex’s family is very close-knit and has always been involved in our wedding planning. Recently, I found out that they had invited Alex’s ex, Sarah (29 f) to the wedding. Alex and Sarah were dating for about 5 years and broke up about 2 years ago. They’re still on good terms, but I was never comfortable with the idea of her being at our wedding.”

“When I brought this up to Alex, he said that it’s a family tradition to invite former partners if they’re still friends and that it would be rude to exclude her. He insisted that it was no big deal and that Sarah was just a part of their extended social circle. I tried to explain that having Sarah at our wedding made me feel uncomfortable and undermined the significance of the event for me.

Alex’s response was that I was being unreasonable and selfish for not considering his family’s feelings. He argued that it would cause unnecessary drama if we uninvited Sarah now, and that we should just focus on enjoying the day. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just about inviting an ex, but also about my place in Alex’s life and whether I was truly a priority.”

"After a lot of back-and-forth, I decided that I couldn’t go through with the wedding under these circumstances. I canceled the venue and all the plans we had made, explaining to Alex and his family that I couldn’t commit to marrying someone who wasn’t willing to respect my feelings about such a significant issue.

Now, Alex and his family are furious with me. They believe I am overreacting and that I should have been more accommodating. Some of my friends and family think I did the right thing, while others feel I might have acted too impulsively."

People on the internet shared their opinions regarding this situation.

• "I know that's not your main problem, but I'm amazed by people getting married so fast. There are tons of things people can hide for 2 years. I understand getting engaged at 2 years, but married seems so fast.
  I guess you're seeing that in action now. You're seeing how he doesn't really care about your feelings." Thisisthenextone / Reddit
• "This might be a spicy take, but having a partner with healthy relationships with their exes is a green flag. Don’t make a problem where there isn’t one." Plenty_Confection715 / Reddit
• "What an absolutely wild family tradition. So she's not even the mother of his child or anything, she's literally just an ex-girlfriend? Crazy. Absolutely insane.
  I'd give the ring back if your fiancé seriously won't see your side in this. Do not marry into a family where that's normal and YOU are the one being painted as crazy for being uncomfortable with it!" RantyMcThrowaway / Reddit
• "Staying with Alex is just asking for trouble. My family and I are on good terms with one of my exes, and none of my following relationships have had any crosses with my ex by me or my family. The most I would have to do with my ex is once in a while a “Hey, how are ya” or a “Happy birthday”. That's it." Openthebombbaydoors / Reddit
• "I guess you'll get an invite to his next wedding. You know how you deserve to be treated and accept nothing less." Dear_Parsnip_6802 / Reddit

• "This wasn’t just about an ex being invited; it was about how your feelings and boundaries were respected. A wedding is a union of two people, not an obligation to adhere to family traditions that make the bride uncomfortable. If this issue couldn’t be resolved amicably, it’s better to rethink the relationship altogether." SultrySunset / Reddit
• "It doesn't matter if they're on good terms or not, Sarah is his ex and it’s your wedding. If your fiancé can't prioritize your feelings over his ex or even stand up for you to his family, you have every right to doubt your relationship. And your reaction wasn't impulsive, you talked to him, and you gave him the chance to do the right thing, but he still chooses to ignore your concerns, he's the one at fault." Salty_macaron_0183 / Reddit
• "You explained that it made you uncomfortable, and your feelings were ignored. He placed “his family’s feelings” above yours. That is not a good sign. I’m not understanding how not inviting her “would cause unnecessary drama.” That makes no sense." Bloodystupidjohnson3 / Reddit
• "She's not an ex. She's a family friend. If you're going to get involved with someone who stays friends with their exes, then you need to respect that. You've gone through this whole relationship feeling uncomfortable, yet are only speaking up now.
  I'm also kind of tired of this idea that you should 100% get your way on weddings. You have to compromise with him (and his family) on your wedding, just as you'll have to compromise with them for the rest of your life. You should be entering this situation with a spirit of compromise, rather than taking a 'my way or the high way' approach." Visible-Draft8322 / Reddit
• "If having his ex at his wedding turns out to be the hill your ex-fiancé wants to die on, thank Sarah that he has shown you his true colors before the wedding. He and his family had shown you where your place is, and it is definitely not first, even at your own wedding." bizianka / Reddit

Weddings around the world are full of unique traditions that show just how beautiful diversity can be. Check out the traditions practiced in other countries. Read more here.