I Stood By My Son Instead of My Daughter-in-Law—And Everything Fell Apart

One of our readers reached out to share her heartbreaking family story, where tough decisions led to painful consequences. Caught between supporting her son and maintaining peace with her daughter-in-law, she never expected her choice would cause such a deep rift.

Here’s what she told us.

I (56F) have always tried to stay out of my son’s marriage, but things have reached a breaking point. My daughter-in-law (32F) has always been... demanding, to put it mildly. She expects my son (34M) to cater to her every whim, financially and emotionally. She doesn’t work, spends freely, and constantly complains that my son isn’t doing “enough.”

Last month, my son came to me in tears, saying he couldn’t keep up with the constant pressure. He’s exhausted from working two jobs just to meet her expectations while she lounges at home, shopping online and planning expensive trips. I told him, very calmly, that he needed to stand up for himself — and that I would support him no matter what decision he made.

When my DIL found out that I was “encouraging” him to take a step back, she lost it. She accused me of trying to ruin their marriage and “brainwashing” my son. She even tried to get my husband and other family members to side with her.

Now, my son is staying with me while he figures out his next steps. My DIL refuses to speak to me and has cut off contact with my side of the family completely. The tension has divided the entire family — some relatives say I should’ve stayed out of it, while others say I did the right thing by backing my son.

I never wanted to pick sides — but when it came down to it, I couldn’t just watch my son suffer. Now the family is fractured, and I honestly don’t know if it’ll ever be the same.

Thank you for sharing your story!

How to help your child’s struggling marriage without making things worse.

Watching your child go through marriage troubles is heartbreaking. You want to help, but stepping in the wrong way can make things even more complicated. Here are simple ways to support your child while respecting their relationship:

1️⃣ Offer real-life support. Babysit, cook a meal, or run errands. Small acts of help can give the couple breathing room and lower daily stress.

2️⃣ Stay neutral. Don’t take sides or get pulled into spouse-bashing. Encourage healthy communication and suggest professional counseling if needed.

3️⃣ Share helpful resources. A good podcast, article, or book can offer valuable advice they may be more open to hearing.

4️⃣ Set boundaries. Let your child know what you can and can’t listen to. Avoid conversations that make it harder to forgive their spouse. Suggest venting to a therapist instead.

5️⃣ Know your limits. You know your child as your son or daughter — not as someone’s spouse. Respect that you may not see the full picture of their marriage.

6️⃣ Don’t play counselor. Even experts struggle to stay objective with family. Avoid trying to “fix” their marriage yourself.

7️⃣ Avoid making it too easy to give up. Outside of safety concerns, don’t automatically offer your home as a backup plan. Encourage them to work through the issues first.

8️⃣ Encourage personal responsibility. Remind your child that successful marriages require effort from both sides. Encourage them to listen, communicate, and work as a team.

9️⃣ Don’t try to control. You can’t control their choices, no matter how much you may want to. Support, listen, but let them make their own decisions.

And if you think this is complicated, wait until you hear what people in toxic friendships shared — you can read their stories here.

15 People Who Stopped Tolerating Toxic Friendships and Started Living Freely