I Give Up All My Free Time to Babysit My Grandchildren, but Nobody Seems to Care About Me

One woman came to Reddit to share her story. She gives up her free time to babysit her grandkids, but on her own birthday, her son brushed her off. Now Jessica is questioning if her family cares at all—or if she’s just being used. Read her story and take your side.

Hello, Bright Side,

I am Jessica, 58 years old. Last month was my birthday. I thought maybe, for once, I’d get a day where it was about me. Instead, my son and DIL dropped the kids off with barely a hello. The last straw was when my son came to pick them up, smiled, and said, “Well, Mom, we’re adults now. Birthdays aren’t a big deal at our age.”

I let it sit with me for a few days. But I finally broke down and texted my son, telling him how hurt I was by his comment, how his lack of effort made me feel like I wasn’t important anymore. His reply was cold: “You’re overthinking. It’s just a birthday.” That hit me hard. I’m not sure if I should keep pouring my energy into a relationship where I’m clearly not a priority. I’m not saying they need to be with me all the time, but at least a small gift would mean that they still care about me. Do I really expect a lot from my family?

Hi, Jessica,

We believe that you don’t expect too much. What you need to do is to state your expectations directly and once. If he dismisses them again, don’t argue. Just adjust how much importance you place on this. He has grown up now, so you don’t need to build your life around him and his family. Below, we suggest several ways you could approach this situation.

First, clarify what you need in the future.

Yes, you already told your son you were hurt, but your message focused on the past. Instead of repeating that, make it about what you need in the future. For example:

“I don’t expect a big party, but I would like at least a call, a card, or a small gesture on my birthday. That matters to me.”

This is specific, leaves no room for “you’re overthinking,” and sets a clear expectation.

Avoid framing it as “all or nothing.”

Right now, you’re deciding between pouring energy into the relationship or pulling away. Instead, adjust your level of investment. For instance:

• Still be present for your grandchildren, but in a way that’s convenient for you. No sacrifices.
• Limit how much emotional weight you place on your son’s gestures. It’s not easy to do it right away. So, start with small steps: Instead of focusing on whether he calls or buys a gift, track your own actions (for example: “Did I do something enjoyable for myself today?”). If his comment or lack of gesture hurts, give yourself a set time—say 15 minutes—to feel upset. After that, redirect your attention to something concrete (reading, calling a friend, doing an activity). Build small rituals with people who consistently acknowledge you (friends, siblings, neighbors).

This way, you protect yourself without cutting ties.

Shift your birthday tradition.

Your son may never change his view on birthdays. To avoid the same disappointment next year:

• Plan something with friends, extended family, or an activity you enjoy.
• Invite your son, but don’t rely on him as the center of your celebration.

This gives you control over the day and reduces resentment.

As we mentioned above, you do expect something reasonable—a minimal acknowledgment from close family. But if it’s consistently dismissed, stop waiting for it. Instead, invest more time in people who do make you feel valued and keep your interactions with your son functional, not emotionally dependent.

Good luck,
Bright Side

And another woman shares that the father of her child suddenly reappeared after years of silence IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED WAY. Now she must decide whether telling the truth will bring healing or break her family apart for good.