I Let My Jobless Friend Move In, but It Turned Out to Be a Huge Mistake

“This is complicated, so bear with me,” the OP (45f) begins in a Reddit post. She’s a single mom, a full-time college student, and a homeowner. At the end of last year, she took in a struggling friend (35m) — and now feels trapped, unsure how to get out of the situation.

Here’s how it all unfolded.

She explained that her friend, a former tech worker, had been laid off. He ran through his severance and unemployment benefits, and was facing the end of his apartment lease.

“I offered to let him move into my office for $300 a month,” she said. The idea was to help cover the cost of utilities and give him a chance to get back on his feet. “I also said that he’s welcome to eat dinner with us any time I cook.”

At first, everything seemed fine. The friend started a part-time pizza delivery job. However, the OP reflects, “He still does not have a full-time job in his industry.”

But as time went on, cracks started to appear. Instead of sharing meals or helping with groceries, “he’s gotten into a habit of ordering takeout sometimes twice a day,” she commented. The OP pointed out the irony, “He’s spending significantly more on takeout for himself than I’m spending to feed the whole household.”

She started to feel resentful. “I know he’s his own adult, and I don’t have the right to control how he spends his own money,” she said. But she pointed out the bigger problem, “The premise of him being here is based on him saving money, which he’s clearly not doing.”

The OP shared more details. They live in an area where rent isn’t cheap. She mentioned that the friend “cleans up after his dog, brings the trash cans back,” and used to help around the house sometimes. However, “Mostly, he just hides in his room with his dog.”

She shared another frustrating detail, “I found out after he moved in that he has a retirement fund (401k) that he’s unwilling to touch.” While she agreed with his decision not to cash it out, she reflected that “otherwise, no, not really a nest egg.”

Although no hard move-out deadline had been set, the OP mentioned that when they discussed the arrangement, “it was expressed that it would be temporary.”

“I told him that I could be a little flexible with the timeline as long as he was showing progress,” she explained.

Now, with little progress, she started to wonder, “Would I be a bad guy if I told him to stop ordering takeout and eat from the kitchen instead?”

Redditors offered their support and advice.

• What you need to tell him is that it’s time for him to move out. If he has the money to order takeout, he has the money to pay rent somewhere else. You’re right that you don’t get to tell an adult how to spend, but you do have the right to end this arrangement that isn’t working for you. Stop making sacrifices! Give him notice. — © Tangerine_Bouquet / Reddit
• This. “Hey, [Friend’s Name], I thought we should talk about the timeline for you to move out. You seem to be doing a lot better financially, so I assume you must be saving a lot of money. I was thinking you should be able to find your own place and put down a deposit within about 30 days. What are you thinking?”
  I would get a solid date he’s moving out. You can’t tell him how to spend his money, but you can freak him out into realizing that he’s going to be homeless soon, unless he saves his money.- © crystallz2000 / Reddit
• Don’t tell him to stop ordering takeout. Tell him you notice that he has a lot of disposable income now, and he needs to either move out or pay more rent. — © sweadle / Reddit

In the end, generosity has its limits when expectations aren’t met. This story is a good reminder that helping friends works best when there are clear boundaries and timelines. It’s not wrong to offer help, but it’s also fair to expect respect and responsibility in return.