Our nuptial day is intended to be one of our most joyous, and carefully organized to mirror our tastes. Nonetheless, Norma perceived her daughter-in-law's choice of an exclusively vegan menu as inconsiderate, given Norma's family's fondness for meat. She intervened and secretly arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride's consent. This has led to major conflicts, prompting Norma to ask us for guidance.
YOU WERE WRONG. HER WEDDING, not yours. HER CHOICE. You are the type of mother-in-law nightmares are made of. You would have been escorted from the reception along with your "meat" caterer, and rightly so. I would also forbid you from entering my home EVER. You're an abomination of a mother-in-law.
Being Vegan only makes humans taste better to Cannibals.
Nope.
i think you don't like peace at home.
I have my doubts this is a real scenario. Seems made up BS for validation.
If it is real, yes. You were wrong. Any normal person knows this, which is why I think this is pure bull$hit.
I don't mean to be rude but it was her wedding that's a special day for her she should be able to choose what food is there if you didn't like it eat before the wedding but to go behind her back over something like food that you have to eat for a single meal is ridiculous.
I am sorry but going behind her back set the tone for your relationship and I would not trust you at all going forward. I am not talking about just food. Consider that when grandchildren are born, will you constantly push back against how she raises their children? What if her children are vegan? Are you going to go behind her back then too? I think you are pushy into monster in law territory very quickly.
I wouldn't let her near any future children. I'd never be able to trust her. If husband did not agree, there would be no children.
The newly weds could have stopped it by trespassing the mom’s catering company. She did not have the contract to allow them to serve at the venue.
Wheres the wedding planner?
Guess the bride can’t have any pudding since she didn’t eat her meat.
No meat fish eggs or dairy. Misunderstood
It's one meal in one day, people could eat what was served and eat their meat later.
So if I have vegans at my wedding I don't have to provide a vegan option? I mean they can eat the meat, it's only one meal in one day right 🤷♀️.
I refuse to eat vegan veggies. Only regular veggies laid on top of tbone steak
If they didn't like the food offered by the wedding couple they should just not go to the wedding.
In a case like this the only fair thing to do is all meat eaters just go to the ceremony then leave. She would be mad her reception was empty but that's what happens when you shove you beliefs down everyone else's throats!! Her wedding her choice but there are consequences for your choices.
And save her $200 per plate? I would eat.. did she bill the guests later?
People should be able to serve what they want at their own wedding. I'm not a vegan, nut I'm sure I could fine something to eat.
I remember when receptions were the cake and punch. Usually, they served cookies, mints, nuts, things like that. People didn't spend tens of thousands of dollars. That money could be put on a down payment.
I personally do not eat red meat, pork or fish. I have never been to a wedding that caters to my particular choices for food. Saying that the bride and groom should have catered to everyone's preferences is laughable. Who has that kind of money to do that? Make it a buffet with some options, maybe, but if you decide to go all beef, all pork or *gasp* all vegan at "YOUR" wedding, then guests will just have to deal as I've done my whole life. This equates to choosing to bring a different wedding cake because you don't like white cake. If the invites said vegan menu you had the option to 1. Eat before going, 2. Go and find something palatable there, 3. Go and just have cake/not eat and finally, 4. Not go.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Thank you for being brave enough to correct a wrong. That's one of the problems of the World today. Too many self centered people.
You actually sound like the self centered one. Why are you whining about someone serving no meat for one meal? How is that "wrong"? And who appointed you judge and jury? Settle down.
Found the vegan
She thinks she saw a problem and fixed it... With a shovel. Disrespectful MIL & Assh DIL. Perfect pair
In short BOTH are mistaken.
Not a chance. If I found vegan food at any wedding I went to I'd turn around and walk out, and take my gift with me.
Yes, vegan food is Disgusting, we invited someone to our daughter's birthday and he brought a vegan cake, it was one of the grossest cakes I ever tasted, but we thanked him. Idk how anyone can eat vegan food. Gross. 😂
If it was made very clear to everyone in the invites and other info that it was going to be a 100% vegan affair, then mama way overstepped her bounds. Having that info is very critical to those with dietary restrictions to which a vegan offering can present a stiff challenge (like, for instance, a diabetic who is on a strict Keto diet).
If it wasn't made clear... mama still overstepped -- but DIL kinda-sorta got short-sighted by not considering the guests coming to this big event.
If this were the AITA forum on Reddit, I'd have to vote this one an ESH, frankly.
It’s not short-sighted. Everyone can eat food without animals. Also, it is ONE meal.
Even though it is only "one meal" if it tastes horrible, then it IS short sighted. People expect to eat dinner at a wedding reception. The bride would have done better with just cake and punch!
So, then a vegan can eat one meal with animals, because it's just ONE meal, right?
I think this was made up. I don't believe this ever happened.
While I agree that it was your DIL and son's choice to have the menu that they wanted, I understand OPs stance as well over a very exclusionary menu. Was the strictly vegan menu highlighted in the invite to make all guests aware? I think it should have been so people could have opted to either eat a full meal before attending the wedding or simply not attend. Personally, I would not have been able to eat a vegan menu due to dangerous allergies with some vegetables, especially mushrooms which is very popular with vegan meals. Apologize for overstepping and in the future, know that invites for meals at their home may not be to your liking.
Absolutely wrong it was her wedding not yours and you should have respected her views and ruining your son and daughter in laws special day with the stink of barbecuing corpses, you could have foregone eating flesh for the day and to not apologize and realise that being vegan is normal and natural. Your stubborn intransigence to have your own way and not to even see you were wrong and that you ruined her special day is unforgivable,
I disagree her future daughter in law should have catered for everyone vegans and meat eaters
"Foregone eating flesh" and "the stink of barbecuing corpses"...say you are vegan without saying you are vegan.
You're vegan aren't you??
I disagree if she didn't agree with his side of the family's eating habits they should of had a small wedding service not had a after party/dinner and ate on their own at wherever place or at home not demanded everyone eat the same things would have been problem solved or arranged different eating areas if they could boom problem solved
Veganism is a product of modern society only, meaning it isn't natural to human existence. If not for modern society, vegans would survive. Vitamin B12 is a prime example of a necessary vitamin not found in plant sources, and humans die without it. Omega-3's and Riboflavin are rare in plant sources. Calcium, Zinc, and Iron are poorly absorbed from plants.
If cataclysm struck and modern society ended tomorrow, vegans would need to start consuming meat and dairy, or they would die.
The fact that foods and supplements need to be fortified and manufactured to support a vegan diet is all you need to know about how "Natural" it is.
Lols. This guy thinks he will get meat tmrw... Worms bugs roaches and other humans!
Hello Norma! Thank you for your letter. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.
Plus why are so many people offended by vegetables?? My husband is a mostly meat eater, but every now and then, he wants a veggie burger.. That perspective is so wild..
Start a gentle and understanding dialogue with your daughter-in-law. Recognize her views on veganism and apologize for the confusion and trouble caused by adding meat to the menu. Suggest a compromise for future family events, offering both vegan and non-vegan dishes, so everyone feels valued and included.
Why should Norma ever apologise at all? She did the right thing - arranging non-vegan menu for the non-vegan people. The future bride has absolutely no right to impose her own taste on all invitees, and decide on the menu for all. She should have requested the invitees beforehand if the invitees would accept a fully vegan diet, before deciding the items singlehandedly. That's dictatorial.
If I am told that there would be no option beyond vegan meal, I would have decided not to attend the event, or at least not to eat anything, present my gift, express my good wishes for the married couple, and leave. The same would apply if I were a vegan, and was given no option for vegan items in the menu.
Even though you were initially resistant, consider offering a heartfelt apology to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Show remorse for not respecting her choice and for causing distress on such an important day. Propose making amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.
Should the disputes continue, propose seeking the help of a neutral facilitator, such as a family counselor or mediator, to aid in steering a meaningful conversation between yourself, your son, and your daughter-in-law. This could offer an organized framework to tackle fundamental issues, clarify any miscommunications, and strive toward restoring trust and harmony within the family.
"Establish boundaries and honor differences." - Don't you think the bride must learn this, while choosing the menu for everyone, without Prior Informed Consent of all guests and members of the family?
Set explicit boundaries for upcoming family events concerning dietary preferences and other delicate topics. Promote transparent dialogue and mutual respect among family members to avoid future disputes. Highlight the need to respect personal choices while creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere for all participants in family gatherings.
Her became day turned into a disaster when Leah, a young bride, opted to proceed with her wedding despite a recent family tragedy. Explore the moving details of this story here.
You couldn't go without meat for ONE meal at your son's wedding? I don't think the bride is the selfish one, to be honest.
You really wanted to create a bad-relationship with your daughter-in-law from the start. Your son will support his wife, and is right to do that. You will loose out and only have your self to blame.
I had a vegan wedding - there was no issue with the guests as they respected it. If they are vegan for animal rights reasons as am I, having someone sneak meat in which brings to awareness the cruelty inflicted in the animals in vegans, that's the epitome of disrespect. That MIL would be out of my life.
See you next Tuesday, MIL
I'm going to go eat as many animals as possible next week to offset all of this veganism.
