I Thought a Romantic Dinner Would Help My Husband With Cancer—I Was So Wrong

8 months ago

Hoping to bring some light back into their lives, this woman decided to surprise her husband, who’s been fighting cancer, with fairy lights, candles, and his favorite meal. But she never saw what was coming next—what her husband did left her completely speechless.

She planned a romantic surprise for him

Deirdre McCumber Dunbar

8 months ago

You don't just pretend, you believe. You must believe in his recovery so you can help him spiritually. You must live every day and help him plan all those things he put on his list. If you need to cry or talk it out with someone you find that place and go there. I swim. I swim and talk with my fellow swimmers when I get overwhelmed, but when at home- I help plan the future.

What a heartwarming moment, but we understand your reaction—it’s completely understandable. Maybe next time, you could try keeping these tips in mind.

Focus on the present

Try to stay in the moment with your husband. His effort to stay positive and hopeful by sharing his dreams can be a source of strength for both of you. Rather than letting your fears about the future take over, remind yourself that today is about sharing love and hope, not worry.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

If you feel the tears coming, it’s okay to cry—just be mindful of how it affects the moment. You could explain afterward that the tears came from a place of love and fear, and that it wasn’t about his surprise or the night, but about the heavy weight of the situation.

Communicate honestly

It’s okay to feel scared or sad, but it might help to share those feelings with Tom later, once you’ve had time to process them. Sometimes it’s comforting to talk about how hard things are, but in the moment, supporting each other and enjoying the surprise might have been the best way to honor what he’s doing for both of you.

Take care of yourself, too

Caring for someone through illness is incredibly taxing. Make sure you also take time to recharge and take care of your own emotional needs. You can’t be fully present for him if you’re not caring for yourself too.

Balance hope and reality

Embrace the moments of joy and optimism that come from his plans and dreams. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, but focusing on the positive aspects of what he’s fighting for—his goals, and your shared dreams—can help strengthen the bond between you.

Illnesses affect people differently, both in their experience of symptoms and their emotional response. Some people also worry that their illness might lead to abandonment by their partners.