I Pretended to Hate My Stepmom’s Gift So My Real Mom Wouldn’t Feel Useless

Blended families often come with their own pros and cons. But when the kids reach adulthood, the complicated things may become their problem, and their relationships can be affected in many ways. Love doesn’t change, but our perceptions might. One of our readers shared their experience.

This is Jenna’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

When I was very young, my parent got divorced and my father married a woman who was very well off financially. My mother stayed single and struggled with money so she gave my dad full custody. Because of that my stepmom, Gloria, raised me, and she has done so since I was 6.

I’ve always been close to both my mom’s and was happy to have Gloria in my life. But I always remembered who it was that brought me into this world. And I cherished my biological mom. There was never more love for one or the other. In my books, they were equals.

Last week was my collage acceptance day and both my mom’s came with gifts. Gloria gave me a laptop, one of those gaming laptops I have always wanted. And my mom baked me a small, yet meaningful cake.

As I unwrapped the laptop, I saw my mom’s eyes drop. She looked really sad, kind of like she felt like she was unworthy, or that Gloria was better than she was. So I did the only thing I could think about at the moment. To spare my mother’s feelings, I said I didn’t need the laptop.

My stepmom was shocked since she knew how badly I wanted that specific laptop, so later that night I called her and explained the situation. She was very understanding and offered to give me that laptop on a later date, which I really appreciated.

But last night my mom called, and I was crushed when she asked, “Can I buy you something when I get paid? It won’t be as fancy as that laptop, but I’ll make a plan for something.” I told her that she didn’t have too. The cake was great, and it was more than enough for me.

It seems to have made matters worse though because now she thinks I don’t want anything from her. So Bright Side, how can I fix this and show my mom that I really do appreciate the effort she put in?

Regards,
Jenna G.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Jenna. We understand how difficult this situation must be, especially since your mom misunderstood your offer. So we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.

Create a “shared celebration” moment.

Your mom felt overshadowed by Gloria’s gift, not because of the laptop itself, but because she likely measures her love through effort, not expense. Find a way to celebrate your college acceptance in a way that highlights her contribution.

Give her a tangible reminder of your bond.

Your mom wants proof that she still matters. A small, thoughtful gesture can mean more than any store-bought gift. For example: Write her a short letter about how much that cake meant to you and how her support has shaped you. Or print a photo of you two from your childhood with a note like, “The person who made me believe I could do this.”

Keep gifts from each mom in separate spaces.

You didn’t do anything wrong, you were just trying to protect feelings. But to prevent future tension, give each mom her own “lane.” For example: Use Gloria’s laptop for school and tell her how helpful it’s been, but when you talk to your mom, emphasize how her encouragement got you to college in the first place.

Jenna is in a tough spot, but it isn’t one she can’t get out of. She just needs to explain the situation to each of her mom’s and ensure they know that her love for them isn’t money-related.

But she isn’t the only one in a blended family that’s having issues. Another one of our readers shared their story. Read it here: I Raised My Stepdaughter for 9 Years, She Repaid Me With Cruelty.