I Refuse to Be My SIL’s Free Hairstylist Anymore—I’m Not Her Beauty Subscription

Offering professional help to family can feel natural, especially during difficult periods. But when does a little help turn into a sense of entitlement? Our Bright Side reader, Kelly (29, F), learned this the hard way.

Here’s her story:

I’m a professional hairstylist, and this is my only source of income. My husband’s sister is a single mom. Right after her divorce, when she was going through a hard time, I offered to cut and color her hair for free. I thought this would help cheer her up, but I never expected her to keep turning up at my salon every month for free haircuts, highlights, and treatments.

I didn’t expect it to go so far.

At first, I didn’t charge her. At the time, she was struggling, and I believed it would be short-term. Two years passed. She continued booking regular appointments, and I continued to say nothing because I didn’t know how to put a stop to this.

It was hurting me financially.

My business hasn’t been great over the past few months. I had several staff leave, and my expenses increased while my income stayed unpredictable. Salon supplies cost more, bills were piling up, and I had started cutting back everywhere I could.

Continuing to give away hours of work no longer felt generous; it felt reckless. When I suggested she pay me, she called me selfish and blocked me.

An unexpected encounter.

That was already weighing on me when I ran into my sister-in-law at another salon getting a manicure. She paid easily, joked with the technician, and didn’t hesitate for a second. I confronted her and asked her why she could pay other professionals but got mad when I asked for the same respect.

She laughed and said, “You’re family. I shouldn’t have to pay you. That would be awkward.” That was when I realized she wasn’t struggling financially anymore. She just felt entitled to free service, no matter what it cost me.

I knew I had to do something about it.

I told her that I couldn’t continue providing free services. I didn’t raise my voice or demand anything back. I simply said future appointments would need to be paid. She immediately went to my husband and told him I had attacked her and made her feel ashamed when she was already struggling.

He called me selfish and said I was choosing money over family. I showed him my records: $5,200 worth of unpaid work over two years. But he kept insisting that family is family.

She didn’t stop there.

That wasn’t the end of it. She took it to my parents-in-law next. Suddenly, I was being told that family doesn’t keep track of favors, that I should have more compassion, and that I had embarrassed her by bringing money into it.

No one asked how long this had been going on. No one asked how it affected my ability to pay my own bills. I’m being shamed for asking for my work to be respected. So I have to ask you, Bright Side readers, am I really in the wrong for asking my SIL to pay for her future salon appointments?

Kelly

Thank you for reaching out to us. Money can be a tricky subject in families, so here’s some advice to help you talk to your loved ones:

• Be clear that this was about unpaid work, not a personal attack: The conflict began when professional services were expected for free over a long period of time. When explaining yourself to family members, focus on the fact that this involved real labor, real costs, and real income loss. Framing it this way helps shift the conversation away from hurt feelings and back to the actual issue.

• Use concrete examples instead of general explanations: Vague statements about “helping out” can make it easier for others to dismiss your perspective. Sharing specifics, such as how often the services were provided and what they would normally cost, makes it harder for the situation to be minimized. This also helps family members understand why continuing the arrangement was no longer sustainable.

• Don’t let guilt replace accountability: Family members may frame your boundary as cruelty, selfishness, or a lack of compassion. That doesn’t erase the reality that your work has value and your limits matter. Feeling guilty does not mean you were wrong.

• Understand that fairness can feel threatening to people who benefited from imbalance: When a long-standing arrangement ends, those who gained from it may react defensively. Their discomfort doesn’t mean the boundary is unreasonable; it often means it’s overdue. Holding firm may feel uncomfortable, but consistency helps reset expectations over time.

Families taking advantage of other family members is a tale as old as time. Here’s another story about a plastic surgeon whose aunt demanded a $20,000 surgery for free!