I Refuse to Change My Daughter’s Name Despite Accidentally Using a Forbidden Name

Choosing a name for your child can be tough, especially when trying to keep everyone happy. Some names may be taken by relatives, while others may be tied to people no longer welcome in the family. This young mom held off sharing her newborn daughter’s name until the last minute, but the consequences of her choice may change her life forever.

Naming her daughter caused major family drama, despite her efforts to keep the name a secret to avoid exactly that.

“I 26F just gave birth to my daughter Annabelle. I didn’t announce it beforehand because in the past, one of my family members stole a baby’s name, and it created a lot of drama. My mom wanted to know, but I was adamant about keeping it a secret.

My mom and dad were in the room when I gave birth and when it was time for me to sign the birth certificate, my mom asked for the name and I told her Annabelle. Her face went pale, and my dad didn’t look too happy, but he said he loved the name. My mom left a few minutes later, claiming she didn’t feel well. She said she’ll come over in a few days to help with the baby.”

“Now I’m at home with the baby and my mom hasn’t talked to me that much. We used to talk every day, so I was confused by this sudden behavior. My sister Emily still lives with mom, so I called her over to talk.

When she got to my house, she explained how she overheard dad and mom arguing because about ten years ago, dad had an affair with a coworker named Annabelle. Mom hasn’t been talking to him, and he’s been trying to get her to talk. I guess Dad realizing that Emily had come over decided to come over himself.”

“He asked if there was any way that I could change Annabelle’s name. I asked him why, to see if he’d tell me the truth. And he did, he admitted to the affair. He begged mom not to leave him, and she stayed, but just hearing that name had always put her in a bad headspace. I told him I couldn’t, and that Annabelle was the name of my husband’s grandmother who helped raise him.

My dad begged and pleaded for me to change it, saying mom was in the middle of packing her bags and heading to her sister’s house. I told him I wouldn’t change her name and that it means so much to me and my husband.

He began to raise his voice, and immediately my sister yelled back and told him to get out. She told him not to stress me out about a mess he created. He left immediately. I’m not changing my baby’s name, but I feel like this is tearing the family apart. What should I do?”

It’s always helpful to hear what others think in situations like this. Here’s what many Redditors had to say.

• “Call your mom. Tell her you’re so sorry and had zero idea about any of this. Tell her, if she wants, she can call your daughter by first and middle name. That might give some separation. Or make a nickname.
  Tell your mom everything you know about grandma Annabelle. She liked to knit. She had an infectious laugh. Her eyes were blue. She did ballet. She needs mental separation from her husband’s fling.
  As far as the affair? Dad needs to figure that out. That is between THEM and if your baby uncovered feelings then that’s their problem, not yours. They need therapy or a split.” Armadillo_of_doom / Reddit
• “My grandfather had an affair with a woman in the 1950s. My aunt had a daughter that her name is not the same as the mistress, but if you short her first name it is the same name as the mistress (something like Maryanne and Mary). Like first and last names the same.
  One time somebody pointed that out in front of my grandmother and her reaction was pretty strong, and it had been like 40 years since my grandfather’s infidelity. So be prepared for not having your mom so involved.” West-Adhesiveness555 / Reddit
• “You didn’t know. But understand that this will likely permanently affect your relationship with your mother (and father) and whatever relationship she would have had with your daughter. She may not be able to bear being around her or hearing/saying her name.” MyRedditUserName428 / Reddit
• “My grandma named my mom after the woman my grandpa had an affair with so that he would ’never forget.’ My mom and grandma never had a good relationship.” ilovemydograchel / Reddit

• “I think you’re setting your daughter up to have a bad relationship with your parents if you don’t change it.” StormCloudRaineeDay / Reddit
• “You’re well within your right to keep your daughter’s name. She is your baby and the name is meaningful to you. You have done nothing wrong, regardless of what you choose. Your mother is the wronged party, and I can’t exactly blame her for having an issue with the name, either. It obviously holds nothing but bad memories for her.
  Hopefully, she can get past it with time and see your daughter as herself, the only Annabelle... but maybe she never will be ok with the name. And I can’t blame her for that either, as long as she doesn’t hold it against your daughter or is rude about it, she has a right to her feelings. So if you do keep the name, you ought to be prepared your mom might never love it and maybe choose to call her by a nickname.” Remruna / Reddit
• “My parents named me a name that my father’s mom hated. She told him not to do it, but they stuck to the name. My grandma hated me since before I was born and it definitely impacted our relationship. I’d get less attention, fewer gifts, or none at all sometimes, etc.
  She often reminded me it was because my name was awful and that I should change it. When I turned 18 and didn’t change it, she shunned me and never spoke to me again. It truly hurt me. While names shouldn’t matter that much, they definitely have an impact.” MaximusZacharias / Reddit
• “Try and put yourself in your mom’s shoes, imagine your husband sleeping with another woman, you choose to forgive and all is well, until someone that you love, and you’ll be in her life daily, carries the name of the person that along with your husband hurt you to your very core. The name will always be a reminder, and to have that name now tied to someone that you love is pretty conflicting.” Life-is-a-beauty-Joy / Reddit

Put yourself and your wishes first instead of always trying to please others. Constantly putting others first can make you lose yourself. It’s important to cherish yourself before loving and helping others. See how this mom stood up for her son when her brother excluded him from his wedding.