I Refuse to Feed My DIL’s Kids for Free

Family relationships can be a rollercoaster, especially when in-laws and childcare collide. Our reader shared how her daughter-in-law’s constant requests for babysitting pushed her to her limit, sparking unexpected tension over boundaries and responsibilities. What began as a simple ask turned into a dramatic standoff, leaving the family divided and searching for solutions.

Thank you, Margaret, for sharing your story with us. What your daughter-in-law did is certainly unusual, and we hope the advice we’ve gathered will help you navigate this situation while maintaining a good relationship with her.

Acknowledge her parenting efforts.

Parenting can be an overwhelming responsibility, especially for someone raising children while juggling work and household duties. Take a moment to empathize with your DIL’s situation by expressing that you understand how much effort it takes to care for her twins and your grandson. A simple acknowledgment of her dedication to her family could go a long way in easing tensions.

Suggest a childcare plan.

Taking care of multiple children is challenging for anyone, particularly a retiree like yourself. Let your DIL know you are willing to help her explore alternative childcare options, such as daycare, after-school programs, or even hiring a part-time babysitter for the twins. Offer your support in researching affordable solutions or discussing possible arrangements with her. This shows that while you care about her situation, you also have personal limitations.

Propose a shared grocery budget.

Hosting the twins regularly can lead to additional expenses, especially when it comes to groceries. Instead of letting resentment build, suggest a fair and collaborative approach by discussing a shared grocery budget. Politely explain that while you’re happy to have the twins over, the increased food costs are becoming difficult to manage. Propose that you and your DIL split the costs or that she provides snacks and meals for the boys when they visit.

Offer quality time instead of full babysitting.

If babysitting all three children feels overwhelming, consider setting limits that work for you. Let your DIL know that while you can’t provide full-time care for the twins, you’re happy to spend quality time with them in smaller, manageable ways. This could include activities like reading books together, playing games, or going on a short outing.

Focus on building bridges.

To mend the strained relationship with your DIL, take small, intentional steps to rebuild trust and connection. Invite her for coffee, bring her a thoughtful gift, or express your appreciation for her role in your family. These gestures show that you value her as a person and not just as your son’s wife. When your bond with her is stronger, it becomes easier to discuss difficult topics, such as childcare expectations or financial contributions.

“My MIL is retired and visits us a lot, often staying for the weekends,” wrote our reader. “I asked her to help by cooking for the kids while my husband and I work full-time. She refused, saying, ‘I’m a guest here!’ Frustrated, I told her she was no longer welcome in our home. Days later, my 10 y.o. called me in tears. I rushed home immediately and froze in disbelief: I found my children...” Click here to find out what happened.