I Refuse to Give Up My Dream to Help My Stepdaughter

Family & kids
month ago

Imagine you always dreamed of fixing something in your appearance and carefully putting money aside, only to find out that you are expected to share it. That's exactly the situation our reader Heather found herself in when she discovered she might have to put her long-awaited dream on hold. Not knowing what to do, Heather turned to Bright Side for advice.

Is the father and biological mother contributing too or is it just you? And also you could probably do both do the braces under a payment plan.

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OP please learn to love yourself as you are ❤️ unless it is for medical reasons please do not get surgery. Your husband married you for YOU. Also surgeries like that can lead to health complications down the line. I'm not saying to use the money for the braces (though as a stepmother you should consider your stepkids health) but use it for something fun like a well deserved vaca or save it up for emergencies (like home or car repairs) idk what you look like but i KNOW you're beautiful as you are!

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It's the responsibility of the biological parents, NOT YOU...Your husband n his ex-wife should jointly support n put forward for their daughter's braces....NOT YOU....What kinda of father is he, expecting others to bear the cost....Dump him...let him go back to his ex n take care of his daughter....by the way, braces can be done even next year...my daughter had her braces at the age of 27...so, ask him n his ex to fly off....You go do your nose...

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Please for the sake of the children do not ever, EVER, get married to somebody who already has a child! Because you, Annie Peter, would be a horrible parent!
To the OP. I understand your situation and your reasoning. But as a step parent and also a stepchild, when you said I do that little girl became part of the package deal. Whether you want to admit it or not you are just as responsible for her well being as her biological parents. And I hate to tell you this but the well-being of a child and a child's needs will always outstrip the WANTS of the parents. I I do understand this is a self-esteem issue for you however, the health of your child, whether stepchild or biological child, outweighs your wants.

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month ago
This broke our hearts, so we had to delete it.

Thank you, Heather, for sharing your story with us. We understand that this situation is challenging, and it’s not always easy to balance personal needs with family responsibilities. To support you, we’ve gathered some advice that we hope will help you navigate both your nose job and your stepdaughter’s braces.

Consider everyone’s feelings.

I am not a cosmetic surgery person, but she has been saving, probably since before she met her husband, and should be able to do what she wants with it. The stepdaughter has a mother and father to share the costs, and even to have a payment plan. They could both use their income tax refunds together to pay for the braces. They need to stop complaining and take care of their daughter who probably feels like she is in the middle and self conscious about get the braces in the first place.

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Think about how both you and your stepdaughter might feel. A nose job can boost your confidence, just as braces can help her feel better about her smile. It’s important to recognize that both of you care about your appearance and self-esteem.

Involve your stepdaughter in decision-making.

If your stepdaughter is old enough to understand the situation and what braces entail, it’s important to involve her in discussions about her dental care. Ask her how she feels about getting braces, and let her voice any concerns, questions, or excitement about the process. Give her a chance to weigh in on the timeline and any discomfort she might be worried about. This will help build trust between you, as she’ll feel that you’re listening to her and that her opinion matters.

Discuss financial planning with the family.

To avoid unnecessary stress, take the time to sit down as a family and openly discuss the financial aspects of both your nose job and your stepdaughter’s braces. You can look at different options and create a financial plan that covers both procedures. This might mean adjusting your budget to save over a longer time, looking into payment plans, or cutting back on some expenses to make sure both needs are taken care of.

Focus on the long-term benefits.

Why isn't the mother paying up? At the end of the day the stepdaughter isn't OPS financial concern, this is something her parents should be paying for between them.

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Both a nose job and braces can provide important long-term benefits, especially for self-esteem and personal growth. Your nose job may boost your confidence, while braces will improve your stepdaughter’s smile and dental health. It’s important to balance your desire for self-improvement with your stepdaughter’s need for braces, which might also have medical benefits. Think about the future and how these procedures will affect both of you, so you can prioritize without neglecting either one.

Explore alternative solutions.

It’s worth taking the time to research alternative options for both your nose job and your stepdaughter’s braces. In some cases, there may be more affordable or flexible solutions that can help you achieve your goals without the same financial strain. For example, your stepdaughter could look into different types of braces, such as clear aligners or less expensive traditional braces, that might still provide effective results at a lower cost.

On the other hand, you could explore financing options or payment plans for your nose surgery that spread the cost over time, making it more manageable. Additionally, consider if your procedure could be postponed without negatively impacting your well-being.

Money-related situations within families can be tricky. It can be especially difficult to treat your stepchildren the same as your own. Our reader believed she was making the right choice by not giving her stepdaughter money, even though her son receives pocket money weekly, but lately started doubting her decisions.

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Excuse me? Isn't it her parents' job to pay for their daughter's braces? Both biological parents can open their wallets and pay. You've saved up your salary so it's your money to do what you want with it. that they try to place you in debt because you want the money for yourself and treat you by not talking to you, etc. Showing your man's true colors that he agrees with his ex. Maybe time to re-evaluate your marriage…
Should you have to sacrifice your money for something that your husband and his ex can pay for? Well...I'd probably get my nose fixed and then file for divorce...

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I agree. Let the parents figure it out. Maybe grandma and grandpa can help out. When I remarried, my new husband did nothing for my children, but I made sure his ex got her child support. Maybe they could apply for Medicaid or make payment plans with the dentist. They don't require you pay the full amount up front.

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When you said "I do" that little girl became your daughter and responsibility. If you love that little girl, you will find a way to get her teeth fixed. She and your husband will remember your choice and your actions for the rest of their lives. Children needs should come first.

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First, why does the ex even know about your money and what you want to do with your money? When it comes to discipline everyone says the step parent should step back and let the biological parent discipline the step child. But now when it comes to personally saved money for a specific purpose no matter what it is, she supposed to just give it up. The biological parents should be splitting that cost. What does the chil support order or divorce decree say about medical bills?

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