I Refuse to Let My Daughter-in-Law Join Our Family Vacation

Family vacations are meant to unite us, yet this year I made a choice that shocked everyone: I left my daughter-in-law out of the trip. It was a difficult decision, but one I felt had to be made.

Liza shares her tragic story with Bright Side.

Hey there, Bright Side! I’d like to share a personal experience. What’s done is done, but I keep questioning whether my actions were fair or if I was in the wrong. I’d love to hear from your readers who they believe bears the blame in this situation.
My daughter-in-law and I aren’t very close, but I thought we were getting along fine. She’s been married to my son, Jack, for two years. At first, I didn’t support their marriage, but I accepted it for my son’s happiness. They now have a beautiful son I adore. I’ve been trying to build a better relationship with my DIL, but it’s been really difficult.

She often makes sarcastic comments, and I can’t help but feel they’re aimed at me. At family dinners, she’ll roll her eyes at my ideas or brush them off as “old-fashioned.” The breaking point came at Jack’s birthday. Every summer, we take a family trip, and this year my husband and I picked a lakeside cabin for fishing. Everyone seemed happy about it—even my daughter-in-law—until she embarrassed me in front of everyone by saying, “You only plan these trips because you can’t stand letting anyone else be in charge.”
The room went quiet. Later, in the kitchen, Laura repeated herself. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but you do like being in control,” she said gently, though it still felt like a dig. That night, I decided I couldn’t tolerate a week stuck with someone who didn’t respect me.

The next day, I told Jack I didn’t want Laura on the trip. “I just need a break from the tension,” I explained. He was upset and said he didn’t want to be caught in the middle, warning me that Laura wouldn’t take it well. He was right. She later called and accused me of being controlling again, even claiming I was tearing the family apart. I honestly don’t understand where all her anger is coming from.

Even with all the drama, we went on the trip, and it was incredibly peaceful. Without Laura’s sarcasm, we laughed more, relaxed, and truly enjoyed ourselves. But since coming back, she hasn’t spoken to me or visited, and she’s keeping my grandson away, which is really upsetting. Should I apologize to my daughter-in-law? What’s the best way to handle this now?

Hi Liza! Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. Family conflicts are never easy for anyone involved. Here are some suggestions on how you might approach the situation moving forward:

Apologize if necessary: If leaving her out of the trip caused pain, think about apologizing. It doesn’t mean you were completely wrong, but it demonstrates that you care about the relationship and want to heal any rifts.

Acknowledge her feelings: Reach out to your daughter-in-law and try to understand her perspective. Even if you are still not on the same page, showing that you’re open to understanding her side can help rebuild the relationship. A simple line like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’d like us to work things out,” can make a big difference.

Bring in a neutral party: If feelings are intense, ask someone impartial, like Jack, to help mediate. He can guide the conversation and ensure both sides are heard calmly and fairly.

Establish boundaries kindly: As you work on repairing the relationship, be clear about your needs. Calmly explain how hurtful comments affect you and suggest ways to improve communication going forward.

Consider your perspective: Pause to think about your part in the situation. Even if you felt justified, reflect on how Laura might have seen your actions. This awareness can help you decide the best way to move forward.

In a different letter, a woman explained why she chose not to financially support her retired mother. You can read her story here.