I Refused to Hang Out With My Friends’ Kids, and Now Everyone Is Mad at Me

A woman shared a story online about how she was criticized by her own friends. The whole thing is that she is against her friends bringing their children to their gatherings. So, she asked Internet users for their opinion whether she was right or wrong. Here’s her story.

I have a friend group of 7 women from uni. I’m the only one that’s child-free, but 1 is childless, 2 are pregnant with their first, and 3 have kids.

We as a group rarely meet up. I’ve seen all of them maybe twice in the last year, and we all live in the same city. Every time someone asks to meet up, and we finally find a date everyone is available, one of the moms always asks if they can bring their child, or children. It’s usually 1 of 2 moms, as the third actually wants to have a kid-free evening.

And before anyone else can answer, the other mom says yes. All 3 moms have husbands who can watch their kids. Most of them also have both sets of grandparents who are involved. But somehow they never manage to find someone who can “babysit,” as they call it.

So, at this point I’ve stopped answering until they’ve set a time and place, someone has asked about kids, and I say I can’t make it. I hang out with them one on one, or in smaller groups instead.

Well, a few days ago we agreed to finally meet up. No one had asked about kids, and we were having a barbeque and drinks night. Well, who shows up with their 8-year-old? Yep, one of the moms.

I clearly didn’t hide my annoyance and one of the girls asked me why. I just waved it off and 30 minutes later I excused myself and left. I said I didn’t feel well. In those 30 minutes, we hadn’t had any “adult talk,” we were just entertaining the kid.

After I left, I think they realized this was a pattern, and I got a text from most of the girls in the group. Some calling me a jerk, others just saying they were annoyed with me for leaving, while the third mom having my back, and asked to meet up later that week to have a proper night with drinks.

I don’t hate kids at all. I work with them every day and don’t want to spend my time off, relaxing with friends, having to entertain other people’s kids again. Am I in the wrong here?

Here are some Internet users’ comments:

• Majority rules; and you seem to be the only person in this friend group who is directly opposed to having kids around. Nothing wrong with that, but there’s nothing wrong with the fact that your friends are in a different place in life than you. Also, it doesn’t seem like you’ve really advocated that you want “adults-only” hangouts, you just sulk in the background. © GroundbreakingTwo201 / Reddit
• You need to tell them, “I am not available for kid play dates but am happy to spend adult time with you guys.” You aren’t demanding they not get together without the kids, you just don’t go. © No-Locksmith-8590 / Reddit
• It sounds like your friend circle is naturally fracturing, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It is quite natural for young parents to want to socialize with their children in tow when their friendship circle consists of other parents in the same situation. It’s also a nice way for their children to mix with others. © Haunting_Being / Reddit
• You’re being passive-aggressive. I understand not wanting to be around kids in your free time, but you need to establish early on in the planning process that it’s just a gals’ night, or something to that effect. You can’t assume the others will automatically think of or want to arrange childcare when one of you suggests hanging out, and then get mad when they don’t. © champagneformyrealfr / Reddit
• I feel like it’s disrespectful to unilaterally decide to change an event for a group of people though. I love children, but they do completely change the vibe for the evening. I also feel like parents forget that their children are additional people and not just an extension of themselves. There’s nothing wrong with asking if the child can come, but parents need to be prepared to sit it out if that answer is, “No.” Prioritize your children, absolutely, but don’t expect the whole world to. © klutsykitten / Reddit

It’s not easy to be a mom, and it’s not easy to deal with some other moms either. Tell us what you think about the story described in this article.