I Refused to Help Raise My Son’s Baby—His Reaction Devastated Me

A mother’s love is unconditional—but that doesn’t mean she’ll agree to everything her child demands. When Nora’s 19-year-old son revealed that his girlfriend was pregnant, and they intended to keep the baby, it was shocking enough. But when he expected her mother’s support in raising the child. Nora firmly declined. What happened afterward only deepened the crisis. Now, this heartbroken mother has turned to us for guidance.

This is Nora’s letter:

Hi Bright Side,

I am absolutely heartbroken. I was a teenager when I got pregnant, and the father was not in the picture at all. My parents were not supportive either, but I decided I wanted to keep my baby. I had my son when I was 16. It was tough as I raised him alone. Somehow, I managed to find the right jobs, worked hard, and slowly made something of myself, though I never went to college. I also put my son into college, and he’s so bright that I know he can work wonders.

He’s 19 now, and his girlfriend is pregnant. I was shocked by the news, and then came another bit of news. They want to keep the baby, insisting I support them. I raised one baby alone, and the thought of raising another child, while putting my life on hold, is something I don’t think I can do. So, I refused, and kicked them out. I went out to talk to my friends. Later, I was shocked to see that all my jewelry was missing, and even the cash I had kept for emergencies was gone.

My son is now refusing to talk to me, and plans to drop out of college to take care of his “family,” and I’m just so sad, I don’t know what to do. I might have overreacted about his baby, but I want something out of my life too, other than just raising babies. Am I being selfish? Am I a bad mother?

Please help!

Nora

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Nora! We feel your pain, and here is what we think might help you move forward in life.

Seek mediation and counseling

As a mother, if you are overwhelmed by hurt and anger from your son’s actions, you may be struggling to process emotions in a healthy way. To avoid risking long-term resentment or emotional distance, seek intervention. Therapy can offer a safe space to unpack her pain, gain clarity, and rebuild a sense of peace and strength.

Additionally, mediation services can also support a productive dialogue between you and your son. With a mediator’s guidance, you can both share your viewpoints and work toward a solution that respects his needs as an expectant father, while acknowledging your own boundaries.

Re-establish contact through common friends

Leverage any shared connection you have with your son to reopen the lines of communication. Reach out to mutual friends or family members who might be able to arrange a meeting or help initiate a phone conversation.

When you speak with him, share your concerns and your desire to work toward a solution together. Make it clear that while you’re unable to take on the responsibility of raising another child, you still care deeply about him and his girlfriend’s well-being and are committed to offering support in ways that are manageable for you.

Provide alternative support options.

Since taking on the responsibility of raising another child isn’t an option for you, consider how else you might offer meaningful support. You could assist your son and his girlfriend in finding helpful resources like parenting classes, financial aid programs, or affordable childcare solutions.

Additionally, helping them connect with social services or organizations that specialize in supporting young parents can make a significant difference. You might also explore ways to assist with housing or help them secure part-time jobs. These efforts show your concern for their future while maintaining boundaries that are healthy and realistic for you.

Reflect on and address past dynamics.

Look inwards to explore the deeper dynamics that contributed to the current situation. Reflecting on your own experience of becoming a parent at 16—and how it shaped your life and your relationship with your son—could offer valuable insights. Gaining a better understanding of each other’s perspectives may open the door to a solution that honors both your boundaries and his needs.

You may be projecting your own emotions and fears onto your son, who looks up to you, perhaps as his sole support. While you have to protect your mental health and balance by doing only that you are comfortable with, understand that this may be a difficult time for him as well. It may take a lot of gumption, but perhaps it’s up to you to break the cycle.

Who said parenting was a bed of roses, but then again, it has its unforgettable, wholesome moments too. Here is another story of a mother struggling to accept her stepdaughter’s shocking actions, and wondering how to go on.