Family and inheritance often bring out strong emotions, especially when questions of loyalty, honesty, and belonging are involved. Decisions about who gets included or left out can create deep conflicts that shake even the closest bonds. Recently, one of our readers sent us a letter about facing this very situation with her son and his family.
Dear Bright Side,
I am a 62-year-old widow with one son and three grandchildren — or, at least, that’s what I believed.
Recently, I discovered something that turned my world upside down: my first grandchild, who is 14, is not my blood. My DIL was pregnant by another man when she married my son. My son knew but hid it from me. I’m convinced they would have hidden it forever if I hadn’t uncovered it myself.
So, I immediately contacted my lawyer, and I took her out of my will. I told my son, “That girl isn’t family, she won’t get my legacy!” He just looked at me, smiled faintly, and said nothing.
But later that night, I got a horrible call that made me regret it all: my lawyer informed me that my son had requested that his 2 other children — my biological grandchildren, ages 12 and 8 — also be taken out of my will. He told the lawyer they didn’t want a penny from me.
I was devastated. I tried calling my son, but he wouldn’t answer. Believing he was angry and needed space, I decided to wait until he calmed down.
2 days later, he invited me to a family dinner. I thought it was a sign of reconciliation. But then I froze when he revealed, in front of everyone, that he doesn’t want me to go near his other 2 kids.
He said, “My family comes as a package. If you decided my oldest daughter isn’t your family, then you don’t deserve the others either.”
I left their home in tears...
I feel completely betrayed by my son. First, he allowed me to live a lie, believing I had three grandchildren. Now, he is cutting me off from the two who truly are my blood.
What should I do? I never imagined my own son would treat me this way.
Yours truly,
Hope A.
You're toxic. I really don't know how someone like you could be the mother of a humane and righteous person as your son seems to be. At 62, you should have learnt that you are not allowed to make this kind of differentiation among siblings. Blood means little. What matters is love and respect. Untill you found out about your granddaughter not being biologically yours, you loved her and cherished her. What has changed? You lost your son's family because of a technicality.
The lawyers would not inform the son.
But pretending this is real. She's a major a hole. This is not a a stepchild that jordan the family as a teenager. This child was literally born in the family.
I can understand if she chooses to make sure that family.Heirlooms go to the biological kids. But money and anything acquired during her lifetime should be split equal with all three grandchildren.
What if she was adopted? And then your dil and son had 2 biological children? Would you have disowned her too? Guessing you lord your money over your son to keep him in line. Enjoy your pity party. That you created. And hopefully your son cuts you out permanently.
It's your own fault. If your son accepted as his own then you should also. I guess the reason he didn't tell in the first place was he knew how you would react
I can understand, but at the same time love is not DNA related. Had you found this out right after her birth, that would be one thing. 14 years later, this is your oldest grandchild. You have loved and been there for her and now she is no one to you? Seems like your son knew you well. He just thought that after you got to know her, you would see family is not only about blood. Most people who preach about legacy do not have enough assets to cover the word. You did not calm down and think this through. So now you have no family. Yay you. Hope it was worth it
My stepdaughter's children are not related to me by blood but they are still my granddaughters! If your son was willing to accept her and love her as his family, then how can you not do the same?
How can you turn love off? For 14 years you loved her, now all of a sudden she is no longer family. Your other grandchildren will hate you. They may think if they even do something that you don't like you will stop loving them too. I would not want you anywhere near my children.
That's Exactly what I thought!
And that's probably why they tried to hide it, they wanted all 3 children to be treated equally.
How DARE this grandmother (who really doesn't deserve that title) treat this one differently.
I congratulate the Father! All 3 come as a package, "un-love" one and have consequences from all 3.
You are a cruel woman that is horrible. I'm glad your son did what he did.
You are cold hearted bitch who has no human compassion. Your son unconditionally loves all his children and so should you!
He kept this from you likely bc he knows that you are terribly inflexible, that you see everything in black-and-white. But one thing in this world has many shades of gray and that's true love. If your son understands this but you don't, then I wager that he suggested heavily under your care and found other ways to learn love. Often people who are neglected and abused have a lot of compassion and love bc they know how horrible it feels to live without it. You treated her the same as the others for so long but drop her when she's done nothing. If anyone is wrong it is his wife... And now you. If she is a monster, he chose her bc she fits the model of love and care you showed him women should give. She's probably very much like you. You've probably raised a good, strong man who will raise kind children. It's a shame you're too cold hearted to see that.
That's assuming any of this is true anyway.
You feel betrayed? Really. Either this is a very well written hoax or you are truly the wicked witches other sister. Wow to think you only loved her because you believed she was your son's bloodline. What if she was adopted by both? Would she also be an out sider.
Try being a HUMAN instead of a BITCH
You've loved this child for 14 yrs !! How do you just decide to stop and disown her?? You feel betrayed? How do you think that innocent precious girl feels? How do you think your son and your DIL and grandkids feel? Im just ...WOW!! I get your upset , but to just betray your whole family ? She is every bit His daughter as the other 2 kids !! You betrayed the whole Family !! Blood does not make you family , Love does.. You dont deserve any of them if thats how you easily you turn your back Lady ..
Well Said!!!
I don't believe your son could stop you from leaving an inheritance to your grandchildren in a trust. They would inherit it as adults. He could cut you out of their lives though. Did you not love your grand daughter when you thought she was your blood? Family is about more than blood. It's about people you care about and who care about you.
You are right . The only person who can change the will is mom. He can however , put it to his children what she has done and ask that if, as adults, they choose to accept any inheritance they will share it 3 ways .
You loved that child for 14 years when you thought she was blood. Was that love real or fake? Why does it change because she is not blood related. I have three bonus gran babies and love them as much as my biological grandchildren. I think it is horrible of you to deny her love now. Forget the money just knowing that after 14 years to find out your father is not your biological dad and that the grandmother you love is rejecting you because of it. I think your son did the right thing to protect his kids. The kids will still get your legacy because it lives in your son even without the money. Leave your money to whoever you want but was it worth loosing
your family for you ego?
Wow, your certainly get what you deserve. Your son took the child as his own and this is what you do
I don't blame him
I don't have grandchildren of my own yet but I was asked to be an adopted Nana and I love that child as if he was was my Grandbaby. I can't imagine when my children do get around to having kids I would stop loving him because he got "replaced by the real ones". What a horrible person you are. Shame on you and your son did the right thing. I hope his daughter never finds out what YOU DID because the scars of rejection will be with her the rest of her life.
Put the kids you wish in the will and whatever else you need to do, just make sure they will have it when they turn 18. Your son will have no say about any of it. I don't know your relationship with family but what you do is your perogative.
I am glad you are not my family
Legally, but unless one breaks rank, incidents like this leave parents and their kids in lockstep.
Good on him. My lord but your cruel. That man considered that young lady his daughter. And you have called her your own four 14 years then when you find out other wise you just turn her out. How vindictive can you be!?? As for how your son is treating you!?? GOOD ON HIM. He's protecting his family from a cold hearted ol hag who only values blood. Those kids don't need you around them. So I guess you got what you wanted. If this isn't what you wanted. Then you need to apologize on beened knees not only to your first born granddaughter. but to your son and his wife as well.
Good on him for protecting the family he built himself. You made yourself redundant, congrats.
You’d think in your big old age that you’d have the smarts and the heart expected of a Grandmother… I guess not…
if they had adopted children would you have done the same. cut them out of your will. probably. your son was smart to cut you out if his life and his childrens life. your an ahole for not accepting the child. like others have said you are disgusting. you did this to yourself because only blood matters to you. i come from a family who didnt give a shit about me. but my bff family has welcomed me as one of their children. even stood at the altar when they renewed their wedding vows. im not blood but they dont care.
You're disgusting. Your son accepted that child as his. You deserve to be alone you despicable old hag.
Family is more than blood. A lesson you won't soon forget
You can die al9ne now grandma. Good. Serves you right.
What a horrible grandmother you are. You cut a kid out of your life who has seen you as grandma for 14 years? I would of done the exact same thing. You deserved this treatment. Hope you are happy now. They don't need or want you anymore. Serves you right.
Give your estate to someone who will appreciate it. You don't need these people.
What even better, they don't want her as grandma or anything else anymore. Hope she is happy.
Here's my point,I would choose to love a child over any amount of money every time. That's the bigger problem with this world today. Greed....
An they sure as hell don't need her i hope she dies a slow and lonely death may the devil get his reward for claiming you your truly satans relative maybe even his mother you old bitch i hope your blood grands find out how you treated there sister and hates you just as much your son father must have raised him alone
Damn ur sick to if ur defending this behavior
Who would APPRECIATE being cut out of Grandma's life because they are not BLOOD? THEY don't need HER.
They already told her they don't want a penny from her and told her lawyer too so it will not bother them if she does just that.
You went a little over board to quick......on the other hand they didn't respect you enough to be honest with you. Its poor judgement on both sides to be so quick to quickly cut off people who are immediate family. Apologize to your stepgranddaughter , she holds no blame. If they still feel the same way, then don't give them a dime and wait them out.
Have you ever considered that the reason the son didn't tell his mom was to protect his DAUGHTER??? Sometimes, the circumstances of one's birth is really no one's business, and no one's right to judge!
They are younger. They can most likely hold out longer
I would do the same. They had her number and I think hoped she would love her grandkids. This is the kind of woman who would buy great gifts for "her grandkids" and buy little for the oldest. The chances of her "waiting them out" is slim. So she needs to have it buried with her. People like this have a house and savings, most likely not even enough to get through their own retirement, but love flexing their non-existent authority. So yes, do not give them a dime. It does not matter now. She will never make this right and can play this came with charities and church groups.
What a horrible, heartless monster you are. For years you loved and cared for your FIRST grandchild. Then out of nowhere for something that's not her fault you turn ice cold towards her. The issues are between her parents (your son and DIL), not you. And definitely not the 14 year old. She deserves love too. YOU don't deserve those grandchildren and you can give "your" legacy to someone else. Oh and from the sounds of it you can also spend the rest of your life alone and deservingly so.
Yeah, this grandma is a waste of time and breath and energy. Good on the son. I would do the same thing.
You are a giant pile of s**t! Thankfully your son is not.
Blood? What century are you living in? Shame on you.
It's "the lying" part to her that I find intolerable and inexcusable
Truthfully it wasn't any of her business.
Oh it's definitely her business but by her cruel & heartless actions u can see y he chose to hide it
BS. She got what she wanted. Didn't want anything to do with a child who loved her and called her grandma for 14 yrs. This grandma is a waste as a human being.
it wasnt any of her business. the only people it should ever have mattered to is mom and dad
Here's my point, they didn't need to tell her. Overall he knew what type of person she was, she raised him and he realized that his acceptance and love was truly all that matters. When you truly love a child even if it's not your blood line, sad part he knew how shallow his mother was he was raised by her. He chose not to pass on that treat in his life he choosed to love this child as his own.
See I do not see a lie. I think they withheld information that was their business alone, not hers. What I find inexcusable Quinn is what she did to her oldest granddaughter. My great niece just told me last weekend to never trust a Quinn without an e, the way she spells her. I can now see her point. Out of the mouths of babes.
How do you know they lied? My guess is they just didn't tell her. And he is her dad I'm sure legally besides morally
You have known that child since she was born and loved her.Now you find out she's not 'blood" so you disown her!? You got exactly what you deserved .Now you can die alone, unloved and cut off. Cheers to your son!!
She was lied to. She definitely has the right not to leave a penny!
So blame the kid?? You must be related to Granny to be so mean
She's not really blaming the kid or taking anything away from her. She's just not giving her inheritance. Treating her neutrally. I think it's more than fair
Neutrally? She may not have any assets to leave when her time comes, but she COULD HAVE LEFT a lifetime of love for that child and instead she's reduced their relationship to a monetary transaction. I see now why her son never told her beforehand.
You must lead a similarly miserable existence as this so called grandmother. Your own kids don’t talk to you, do they?
He has the right to keep her away from all the kids too
She does. What she did not have the right to do is what she did to her oldest granddaughter. She can leave her money, if she even has any, to whom ever she wants. But she took a hand grenade to her family and she only has herself to blame for being alone or not having anyone who cares when she needs them. She was not lied to. This was between the husband and the wife.
I didn't read anywhere that she was lied to.
How was she LIED TO? HER SON is the child's father, plain and simple. Being of the same blood has nothing to do with it. Using money or an "INHERITANCE" as a threat is the VILEST, MOST INHUMAN thing that she could do, and SHE DID IT! Just remember "WHATSOEVER YOU DO TO THE LEAST OF MY BRETHREN". Shame is the least of her problems.
Exactly! Family is about more than blood. No wonder the son didn't tell her the baby wasn't his. Would adopted children be cut out of the will too?
What you did was absolutely horrible.
You don't deserve to have grandkids because you are not acting like a HUMAN BEING! HELL, you could offer them $10,000,000.00 and you STILL WOULDN'T BE WORTHY OF BEING THEIR GRANDMOTHER.
It really isn't any of the grandma's business what goes on in her sons home. She found out on her own? Sounds like she is a real piece of work. Her son claimed the child as.his and for 14 years so did she. Now she is showing obvious favoritism with her grandchildren. Now she feels like she's being treated bad? Now she knows how the kid feels.
I wonder how much favoritism was going on before the news broke. Has this women always resented her granddaughter? It sounds like the marriage happened so fast, the mom probably developed resentment over the wife and granddaughter right away. I'd be curious to know more about her relationship before the news of "blood" broke.
Once she revealed her true nature, I certainly would not allow her to have any sort of influence over my kids.
Thank you, Hope, for sharing your letter. Your story shows just how painful family secrets and inheritance choices can become when love, loyalty, and legacy collide. Here is our advice to you:
You reap what you sow. Good luck with that.
Your anger came from feeling deceived, but remember: that 14-year-old is innocent in this story.
If you want any chance of repairing things with your son, begin by showing care to the child you excluded.
Even a simple gesture — a birthday gift, a letter, or asking about her hobbies — could soften the walls your son has built. By embracing her, you may regain access to your younger grandchildren.
So for 14 years she was your "granddaughter". Now you know she isn't your blood. Let me ask you, has the girl changed? Is she suddenly mean and ugly to you or still the same loving granddaughter? Don't know how you found out that she wasn't your son's child (I sure hope it wasn't through snooping) but it wasn't your business to know in the first place. I believe your son knew how you'd react if you had known from the beginning. How do you feel about your DIL now, have you dropped her like a hot potato - as you did with her daughter? It is your son's job to protect all of his family from an arrogant, narrowminded old biddy. You sure got what you deserve.
Cutting the girl out of your will was a financial decision, but it sent a bigger emotional message that she doesn’t count.
Consider keeping financial assets separate if you choose, but build a non-financial legacy for all three kids: write family stories, pass down recipes, share keepsakes. These gestures can outlast money and show that love isn’t defined by blood alone.
The legacy you should want to leave is love compassion and understanding of others not money. My grandkids tell me all the time how much they love and appreciate me being apart of their lives. I hope and pray when I'm the values I have helped teach them will out carry them farther than any amount of money can.
The deepest hurt may not be the will itself, but your son’s feeling that you rejected his definition of family.
Acknowledge directly that you felt betrayed by being kept in the dark, but that you also regret reacting in anger. Framing this as your pain, not just your judgment, might open the door for him to listen instead of shutting you out.
I think the grandma was shocked so reacted too quickly.The son should have bern honest at the start.Grandma madecwrong decision and regrets it so she needs to hold out an olive branch and hope son accepts her decision was made under duress.Lufe is too short for all these conflicts.
Your son may not forgive quickly, and chasing him may leave you feeling powerless.
Protect your emotional health by setting up your estate the way you believe is right, but also invest in your own happiness: deepen friendships, join community groups, or volunteer with children who value your presence. Even if reconciliation doesn’t happen soon, your life won’t feel defined by this conflict.
Gemma recently invited her friends to a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. Since she’s vegan, she picked a meat-free place. But when the bill arrived, her friends insisted she should cover it, just because she was the only vegan at the table. Here’s her full story.
As a parent of teens, if ive learned 1 thing its this. We teach our children to lie to us by our actions and reactions. This is how this woman reacts to the truth, so her son has learned to lie to her. My kids never lie to my husband and i because we don't judge, we teach. If one of our sons had been in this situation, we would have simply asked him if this is what he wanted, and if the answer is yes, then at that point its none of our business. Im not about to judge a woman for getting pregnant, and if she loves my son and he sees that baby as his, then thats my grandkid. We taught both of our sons to never judge women, and we also taught our daughter to never allow any man to judge her. Yes, women can get pregnant, in fact, we are the only ones who can get pregnant. Also, women are allowed to have sex with whomever she wants. Its that whole consent thing. We don't do that red pill bs in our home and we didn't teach our sons that. So my sons know we would never judge a pregnant woman for wanting a lovong relationship with someone who isnt the father of her child. In fact, if she can have that with one of my sons, then i guess the bio dad missed out, and thats his problem. This idea around men raising kids that arent theirs became outdated with the industrial revolution. Its clear this womans son didn't mess up his life (the common lie told to young men) because he yas a happy marriage amd 3 children he loves. So yeah, i don't blame him for lying. His mother can't handle the truth because sye lives in an illusion.
I don't have grandchildren of my own yet but I was asked to be an adopted Nana and I love that child as if he was was my Grandbaby. I can't imagine when my children do get around to kids I would stop loving him because he got "replaced by the real ones". What a horrible thing to do.Shame on you and your son did the right thing. I hope his daughter never finds out what YOU DID because the scars of rejection will be with her the rest of her life.
So the advice that the "specialists" in the column are giving is essentially for her to pretend to care about the child she has brazenly rejected so that she can fool her son into allowing her to see her "blood" grandchildren.......
For me, it would be snowing in he'll before she saw any of my family again. Because you know for her it's always gonna be "blood" versus "not blood"
If you would have accepted this child without reservation, your legacy would have been of love, understanding and happy memories. All your legacy is now is money.
The old lady should have kept the details of her will private, just between her and her lawyer. The executor should have been the lawyer. Then when she dies, surprise, surprise! Now that the cat is out of the bag, just set up the will that all her money and stuff goes to her favorite charity. Fu-k them all.
