I Refused to Leave My Legacy to My DIL’s Daughter—She’s Not My Family

Family & kids
2 months ago
I Refused to Leave My Legacy to My DIL’s Daughter—She’s Not My Family

Family and inheritance often bring out strong emotions, especially when questions of loyalty, honesty, and belonging are involved. Decisions about who gets included or left out can create deep conflicts that shake even the closest bonds. Recently, one of our readers sent us a letter about facing this very situation with her son and his family.

The letter:

Dear Bright Side,

I am a 62-year-old widow with one son and three grandchildren — or, at least, that’s what I believed.

Recently, I discovered something that turned my world upside down: my first grandchild, who is 14, is not my blood. My DIL was pregnant by another man when she married my son. My son knew but hid it from me. I’m convinced they would have hidden it forever if I hadn’t uncovered it myself.

So, I immediately contacted my lawyer, and I took her out of my will. I told my son, “That girl isn’t family, she won’t get my legacy!” He just looked at me, smiled faintly, and said nothing.

But later that night, I got a horrible call that made me regret it all: my lawyer informed me that my son had requested that his 2 other children — my biological grandchildren, ages 12 and 8 — also be taken out of my will. He told the lawyer they didn’t want a penny from me.

I was devastated. I tried calling my son, but he wouldn’t answer. Believing he was angry and needed space, I decided to wait until he calmed down.

2 days later, he invited me to a family dinner. I thought it was a sign of reconciliation. But then I froze when he revealed, in front of everyone, that he doesn’t want me to go near his other 2 kids.

He said, “My family comes as a package. If you decided my oldest daughter isn’t your family, then you don’t deserve the others either.”

I left their home in tears...

I feel completely betrayed by my son. First, he allowed me to live a lie, believing I had three grandchildren. Now, he is cutting me off from the two who truly are my blood.

What should I do? I never imagined my own son would treat me this way.

Yours truly,
Hope A.

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modify your will that your estate will be for your blood grandchildren only. if they do not accept it, it will go to a charity of your choice or a close relative you are comfortable with. the father may not want the inheritance but give your grandchildren the choice if they want it.
your money, your choice, not anyone else's.

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you are a terrible person you loved her before you found out and then you disowned her , so pathetic

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Oh poor you. You brought this on yourself. You loved her before you found out but that love & money died when you found out.

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Do you love the kid? It shouldn't matter if she is blood related. Your husband made a choice to love her dispite not being his. But you had a temper tantrum and took her out of the will. Well now you made your bed and have to sleep in it. I hope your happy alone. You need to apologize and get over it.

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It should not matter if she is your own blood or not. She deserves to be treated with as much love and respect as the others. She shouldn't be punished for something she had no control over. That is just heartless and uncalled for and that poor child is being punished for something that isn't even her fault. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you cant find it in your heart to love them all equally that you wouldn't be around any of them. Period!!!!!

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And you honestly think your right to think like this? Wow just wow you couldn't be more wrone. Your a terrible person. Love isn't something you can just turn off.

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What a POS!
My granddaughter is my granddaughter, even if she is not my son's biological child, and I'm happy to have her in my life.
Even if my son and his wife were to split up I would hope to be a part of her life as her grandma.

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You're toxic. I really don't know how someone like you could be the mother of a humane and righteous person as your son seems to be. At 62, you should have learnt that you are not allowed to make this kind of differentiation among siblings. Blood means little. What matters is love and respect. Untill you found out about your granddaughter not being biologically yours, you loved her and cherished her. What has changed? You lost your son's family because of a technicality.

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The lawyers would not inform the son.
But pretending this is real. She's a major a hole. This is not a a stepchild that jordan the family as a teenager. This child was literally born in the family.
I can understand if she chooses to make sure that family.Heirlooms go to the biological kids. But money and anything acquired during her lifetime should be split equal with all three grandchildren.

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What if she was adopted? And then your dil and son had 2 biological children? Would you have disowned her too? Guessing you lord your money over your son to keep him in line. Enjoy your pity party. That you created. And hopefully your son cuts you out permanently.

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It's your own fault. If your son accepted as his own then you should also. I guess the reason he didn't tell in the first place was he knew how you would react

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I can understand, but at the same time love is not DNA related. Had you found this out right after her birth, that would be one thing. 14 years later, this is your oldest grandchild. You have loved and been there for her and now she is no one to you? Seems like your son knew you well. He just thought that after you got to know her, you would see family is not only about blood. Most people who preach about legacy do not have enough assets to cover the word. You did not calm down and think this through. So now you have no family. Yay you. Hope it was worth it

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My stepdaughter's children are not related to me by blood but they are still my granddaughters! If your son was willing to accept her and love her as his family, then how can you not do the same?

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How can you turn love off? For 14 years you loved her, now all of a sudden she is no longer family. Your other grandchildren will hate you. They may think if they even do something that you don't like you will stop loving them too. I would not want you anywhere near my children.

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That's Exactly what I thought!
And that's probably why they tried to hide it, they wanted all 3 children to be treated equally.
How DARE this grandmother (who really doesn't deserve that title) treat this one differently.
I congratulate the Father! All 3 come as a package, "un-love" one and have consequences from all 3.

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You are cold hearted bitch who has no human compassion. Your son unconditionally loves all his children and so should you!

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He kept this from you likely bc he knows that you are terribly inflexible, that you see everything in black-and-white. But one thing in this world has many shades of gray and that's true love. If your son understands this but you don't, then I wager that he suggested heavily under your care and found other ways to learn love. Often people who are neglected and abused have a lot of compassion and love bc they know how horrible it feels to live without it. You treated her the same as the others for so long but drop her when she's done nothing. If anyone is wrong it is his wife... And now you. If she is a monster, he chose her bc she fits the model of love and care you showed him women should give. She's probably very much like you. You've probably raised a good, strong man who will raise kind children. It's a shame you're too cold hearted to see that.
That's assuming any of this is true anyway.

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You feel betrayed? Really. Either this is a very well written hoax or you are truly the wicked witches other sister. Wow to think you only loved her because you believed she was your son's bloodline. What if she was adopted by both? Would she also be an out sider.

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You've loved this child for 14 yrs !! How do you just decide to stop and disown her?? You feel betrayed? How do you think that innocent precious girl feels? How do you think your son and your DIL and grandkids feel? Im just ...WOW!! I get your upset , but to just betray your whole family ? She is every bit His daughter as the other 2 kids !! You betrayed the whole Family !! Blood does not make you family , Love does.. You dont deserve any of them if thats how you easily you turn your back Lady ..

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I don't believe your son could stop you from leaving an inheritance to your grandchildren in a trust. They would inherit it as adults. He could cut you out of their lives though. Did you not love your grand daughter when you thought she was your blood? Family is about more than blood. It's about people you care about and who care about you.

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You are right . The only person who can change the will is mom. He can however , put it to his children what she has done and ask that if, as adults, they choose to accept any inheritance they will share it 3 ways .

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You loved that child for 14 years when you thought she was blood. Was that love real or fake? Why does it change because she is not blood related. I have three bonus gran babies and love them as much as my biological grandchildren. I think it is horrible of you to deny her love now. Forget the money just knowing that after 14 years to find out your father is not your biological dad and that the grandmother you love is rejecting you because of it. I think your son did the right thing to protect his kids. The kids will still get your legacy because it lives in your son even without the money. Leave your money to whoever you want but was it worth loosing
your family for you ego?

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Wow, your certainly get what you deserve. Your son took the child as his own and this is what you do
I don't blame him

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I don't have grandchildren of my own yet but I was asked to be an adopted Nana and I love that child as if he was was my Grandbaby. I can't imagine when my children do get around to having kids I would stop loving him because he got "replaced by the real ones". What a horrible person you are. Shame on you and your son did the right thing. I hope his daughter never finds out what YOU DID because the scars of rejection will be with her the rest of her life.

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Put the kids you wish in the will and whatever else you need to do, just make sure they will have it when they turn 18. Your son will have no say about any of it. I don't know your relationship with family but what you do is your perogative.

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What a useless statement. Everyone know what your rights are about wills. That's not the discussion. The discussion is about the morality of how you exercise those rights. If you exercise your rights in such a way that you've committed a moral failure, then the people you love will treat you as a moral failure. In this case, the woman has a right to treat her grandkids equally, and she has a right to only acknowledge 2 of them. If she treats them equally, she would be treated with respect and admiration. If she chooses to be petty about DNA, then she'll have rightly lost that respect and admiration. People have rights, but they can and will be judged on how they choose to exercise them.

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This is less about who will "inherit" and more about WHY ONE WON'T! If being a BLOOD RELATIVE, is more important than being A LOVED & LOVING PERSON, then this woman will only be left with SELFISH AND GREEDY PEOPLE, that want her money, and not a relationship with her. Very sad.

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Good on him. My lord but your cruel. That man considered that young lady his daughter. And you have called her your own four 14 years then when you find out other wise you just turn her out. How vindictive can you be!?? As for how your son is treating you!?? GOOD ON HIM. He's protecting his family from a cold hearted ol hag who only values blood. Those kids don't need you around them. So I guess you got what you wanted. If this isn't what you wanted. Then you need to apologize on beened knees not only to your first born granddaughter. but to your son and his wife as well.

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Good on him for protecting the family he built himself. You made yourself redundant, congrats.

You’d think in your big old age that you’d have the smarts and the heart expected of a Grandmother… I guess not…

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if they had adopted children would you have done the same. cut them out of your will. probably. your son was smart to cut you out if his life and his childrens life. your an ahole for not accepting the child. like others have said you are disgusting. you did this to yourself because only blood matters to you. i come from a family who didnt give a shit about me. but my bff family has welcomed me as one of their children. even stood at the altar when they renewed their wedding vows. im not blood but they dont care.

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You're disgusting. Your son accepted that child as his. You deserve to be alone you despicable old hag.

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You made your bed now you have to lay in it. Family is more than blood.

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What a horrible grandmother you are. You cut a kid out of your life who has seen you as grandma for 14 years? I would of done the exact same thing. You deserved this treatment. Hope you are happy now. They don't need or want you anymore. Serves you right.

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She was clearly wrong. She just didn't expect her son to tell her that to her face. So she should make it right.

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Give your estate to someone who will appreciate it. You don't need these people.

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Here's my point,I would choose to love a child over any amount of money every time. That's the bigger problem with this world today. Greed....

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An they sure as hell don't need her i hope she dies a slow and lonely death may the devil get his reward for claiming you your truly satans relative maybe even his mother you old bitch i hope your blood grands find out how you treated there sister and hates you just as much your son father must have raised him alone

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They already told her they don't want a penny from her and told her lawyer too so it will not bother them if she does just that.

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It's not ABOUT THE ESTATE, it is about treating a child AS LESS THAN DESERVING, because they don't share blood! If THAT is how you determine who family is then I expect you will have a VERY LONELY LIFE. No matter how many people are in your BLOODLINE.

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You went a little over board to quick......on the other hand they didn't respect you enough to be honest with you. Its poor judgement on both sides to be so quick to quickly cut off people who are immediate family. Apologize to your stepgranddaughter , she holds no blame. If they still feel the same way, then don't give them a dime and wait them out.

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Have you ever considered that the reason the son didn't tell his mom was to protect his DAUGHTER??? Sometimes, the circumstances of one's birth is really no one's business, and no one's right to judge!

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I would do the same. They had her number and I think hoped she would love her grandkids. This is the kind of woman who would buy great gifts for "her grandkids" and buy little for the oldest. The chances of her "waiting them out" is slim. So she needs to have it buried with her. People like this have a house and savings, most likely not even enough to get through their own retirement, but love flexing their non-existent authority. So yes, do not give them a dime. It does not matter now. She will never make this right and can play this came with charities and church groups.

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You can just live by yourself.. And die alone. You have shown us who you are. That oldest child probably be the one who would come to your hateful aid. We don't know the future and who we will need in our life. It's good your family see the real you. You deserve what you received.

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Definitely a HUGE A-hole. Shame on you and how dare you treat an innocent child like that? So what if she's not "blood" related? Your son chose to accept and love this child before she was born and nobody had to tell you she wasn't his bio kid. How hurt your granddaughter; because that's what she is, must feel because you now don't think of her as family. I applaud your son for what he did and I hope he sticks to this and you can wallow in your misery. Having the same "blood" as others doesn't make a family nor should it. You'll never be able to make this right because the pain you inflicted on the oldest grandchild will stick with her for years to come let alone have ramifications the rest of the family will have to deal with due to your hateful actions. Again Shame on you

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What a horrible, heartless monster you are. For years you loved and cared for your FIRST grandchild. Then out of nowhere for something that's not her fault you turn ice cold towards her. The issues are between her parents (your son and DIL), not you. And definitely not the 14 year old. She deserves love too. YOU don't deserve those grandchildren and you can give "your" legacy to someone else. Oh and from the sounds of it you can also spend the rest of your life alone and deservingly so.

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Bravo to your son. I get that blood matters, but it shouldn't be everything. I mean, how do people like you even manage to have kids if blood is all that matters, unless you only procreate with other blood relations? You have presumably loved this child for 14 years and suddenly because of something she has no control over her she is no longer important to you. You are cold and heartless. At this point, anything you do will appear to only be to have access to there younger kids and that's not fair to the kids. Even if he let's you back in, your relationship forever have a giant you shaped hole in it. I get being mad that they didn't tell you the truth, but you took your hurt to an unnecessary level and out in the wrong person, then basically gloated over it to your son. What did you expect him to do? Disown his daughter? I'm glad he loves better than you.

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BS. She got what she wanted. Didn't want anything to do with a child who loved her and called her grandma for 14 yrs. This grandma is a waste as a human being.

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Her son knew exactly how she would be about blood versus not blood; That's why he didn't tell her. My father never knew that my children are part Mexican.. He was the most bigoted horrible person you could imagine when it came to that stuff. If he had known that my children were not 100% white, he would have disowned me and the kids. I hate people that are about blood, not love.

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OMG, your's too? I wouldn't be surprised if we were "blood" related 😂. My current husband is Spanish, Mexican, & Portugese and my first husband was 1/2 Black. My father would have SHOT US ALL. But what this "grandma" did is even lower. Destroying a child's sense of family and her place in that family is monsterous. Her love could have carried that child through the hard times in her life. Now it will only be her mom and DAD to do it. Grandma is losing a lot more than her grandchild.

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Here's my point, they didn't need to tell her. Overall he knew what type of person she was, she raised him and he realized that his acceptance and love was truly all that matters. When you truly love a child even if it's not your blood line, sad part he knew how shallow his mother was he was raised by her. He chose not to pass on that treat in his life he choosed to love this child as his own.

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See I do not see a lie. I think they withheld information that was their business alone, not hers. What I find inexcusable Quinn is what she did to her oldest granddaughter. My great niece just told me last weekend to never trust a Quinn without an e, the way she spells her. I can now see her point. Out of the mouths of babes.

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People of her moral character should be lied to about things like this. Son probably chose to hide the truth from her because he knew exactly who she is. Its too bad they didn't keep the secret until her deserved and merciful (for anyone that knows her) death. She deserves no honesty, no respect, no family, no money, and, ultimately, no life.

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You have known that child since she was born and loved her.Now you find out she's not 'blood" so you disown her!? You got exactly what you deserved .Now you can die alone, unloved and cut off. Cheers to your son!!

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She's not really blaming the kid or taking anything away from her. She's just not giving her inheritance. Treating her neutrally. I think it's more than fair

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Would you do that to an adopted child? Obviously the son loves the girl, he considers her his daughter. The grandmother is a heartless bitch. She didn't have any right to know anything. But now the son absolutely has the right to keep the other kids away from his mother. I would

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Neutrally? She may not have any assets to leave when her time comes, but she COULD HAVE LEFT a lifetime of love for that child and instead she's reduced their relationship to a monetary transaction. I see now why her son never told her beforehand.

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She also has the right to die alone. She can play victim all she wants. She's STILL WRONG. I don't speak to my mom cuz she REFUSED to accept my Husband's children as her grandkids. Which is super stupid of her since my stepdad's family accepted me as their own. Karma is a mofo & She's learning that lesson now.

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She does. What she did not have the right to do is what she did to her oldest granddaughter. She can leave her money, if she even has any, to whom ever she wants. But she took a hand grenade to her family and she only has herself to blame for being alone or not having anyone who cares when she needs them. She was not lied to. This was between the husband and the wife.

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How was she LIED TO? HER SON is the child's father, plain and simple. Being of the same blood has nothing to do with it. Using money or an "INHERITANCE" as a threat is the VILEST, MOST INHUMAN thing that she could do, and SHE DID IT! Just remember "WHATSOEVER YOU DO TO THE LEAST OF MY BRETHREN". Shame is the least of her problems.

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Exactly! Family is about more than blood. No wonder the son didn't tell her the baby wasn't his. Would adopted children be cut out of the will too?

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You don't deserve to have grandkids because you are not acting like a HUMAN BEING! HELL, you could offer them $10,000,000.00 and you STILL WOULDN'T BE WORTHY OF BEING THEIR GRANDMOTHER.

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The son shouldn't have lied.But at the same time, god don't see steps.Why do you?It doesn't matter if your blood or not.Family is family nowadays.Blood family is always worse than non blood family.Think about that and remember like I said, god don't see steps.Why do you?

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Not sure who you are asking that question. If you READ any of my responses, I have said EXACTLY THAT. BLOOD DOESN'T MATTER when deciding who's family and who isn't! And she was NOT LIED TO, that girl IS HER SON'S DAUGHTER.

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Why? Because I believe that FAMILY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO YOU LOVE AND THAT LOVE YOU? The Grandmother is useless and I stand by EVERYTHING I SAID. I'm sorry that someone in your life has made you think (you don't), and feel (you don't), like it is ok to treat others as less than, because you don't share blood. Sharing blood is the BIGGEST REASON that families break apart.

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It really isn't any of the grandma's business what goes on in her sons home. She found out on her own? Sounds like she is a real piece of work. Her son claimed the child as.his and for 14 years so did she. Now she is showing obvious favoritism with her grandchildren. Now she feels like she's being treated bad? Now she knows how the kid feels.

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I wonder how much favoritism was going on before the news broke. Has this women always resented her granddaughter? It sounds like the marriage happened so fast, the mom probably developed resentment over the wife and granddaughter right away. I'd be curious to know more about her relationship before the news of "blood" broke.

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Thank you, Hope, for sharing your letter. Your story shows just how painful family secrets and inheritance choices can become when love, loyalty, and legacy collide. Here is our advice to you:

Rebuild Connection Through the Oldest Grandchild.

Your anger came from feeling deceived, but remember: that 14-year-old is innocent in this story.
If you want any chance of repairing things with your son, begin by showing care to the child you excluded.

Even a simple gesture — a birthday gift, a letter, or asking about her hobbies — could soften the walls your son has built. By embracing her, you may regain access to your younger grandchildren.

Rethink What “Legacy” Means Beyond Money.

If you are the sort of person who can love someone for 14 years and then just throw them out of your life then you don't deserve to have any grandchildren. So she wasn't blood related? Big deal! You are very much in the wrong and your son has shown that love of family members is way more important that blood.

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Cutting the girl out of your will was a financial decision, but it sent a bigger emotional message that she doesn’t count.

Consider keeping financial assets separate if you choose, but build a non-financial legacy for all three kids: write family stories, pass down recipes, share keepsakes. These gestures can outlast money and show that love isn’t defined by blood alone.

Face the Hidden Wound With Your Son.

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The legacy you should want to leave is love compassion and understanding of others not money. My grandkids tell me all the time how much they love and appreciate me being apart of their lives. I hope and pray when I'm the values I have helped teach them will out carry them farther than any amount of money can.

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The deepest hurt may not be the will itself, but your son’s feeling that you rejected his definition of family.

Acknowledge directly that you felt betrayed by being kept in the dark, but that you also regret reacting in anger. Framing this as your pain, not just your judgment, might open the door for him to listen instead of shutting you out.

Secure Your Own Peace, Regardless of His Choices.

I think the grandma was shocked so reacted too quickly.The son should have bern honest at the start.Grandma madecwrong decision and regrets it so she needs to hold out an olive branch and hope son accepts her decision was made under duress.Lufe is too short for all these conflicts.

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Your son may not forgive quickly, and chasing him may leave you feeling powerless.

Protect your emotional health by setting up your estate the way you believe is right, but also invest in your own happiness: deepen friendships, join community groups, or volunteer with children who value your presence. Even if reconciliation doesn’t happen soon, your life won’t feel defined by this conflict.

Gemma recently invited her friends to a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. Since she’s vegan, she picked a meat-free place. But when the bill arrived, her friends insisted she should cover it, just because she was the only vegan at the table. Here’s her full story.

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I don't have grandchildren of my own yet but I was asked to be an adopted Nana and I love that child as if he was was my Grandbaby. I can't imagine when my children do get around to kids I would stop loving him because he got "replaced by the real ones". What a horrible thing to do.Shame on you and your son did the right thing. I hope his daughter never finds out what YOU DID because the scars of rejection will be with her the rest of her life.

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So the advice that the "specialists" in the column are giving is essentially for her to pretend to care about the child she has brazenly rejected so that she can fool her son into allowing her to see her "blood" grandchildren.......

For me, it would be snowing in he'll before she saw any of my family again. Because you know for her it's always gonna be "blood" versus "not blood"

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If you would have accepted this child without reservation, your legacy would have been of love, understanding and happy memories. All your legacy is now is money.

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The old lady should have kept the details of her will private, just between her and her lawyer. The executor should have been the lawyer. Then when she dies, surprise, surprise! Now that the cat is out of the bag, just set up the will that all her money and stuff goes to her favorite charity. Fu-k them all.

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So brightside specialists advised her to lie. REALLY who answers these???

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