Hi, I’m not really sure how to start this. I’m in a really uncomfortable situation and would appreciate some outside perspective.
Back when I (24F) was in college, I had a serious relationship with someone I’ll call Luke (26M). We dated for a little over a year and were pretty serious. I got pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but I decided I was going to keep the baby. Luke initially said he’d support me. We agreed to tell our families and figure things out from there. The next day, he disappeared. No calls, no texts. A couple of days later, I got a package in the mail with some cash and a short note that just said something like, “For the abortion.” That was it. I never heard from him again.
I was angry, embarrassed, and honestly overwhelmed. I ended up moving back home and raising my son on my own. I didn’t tell my family who the father was. I just said the relationship didn’t work out and that I didn’t want to talk about it. They didn’t push.
Luke is the one to tell his girlfriend, who is also your sister, the connection, and not you. He finally has the opportunity to be honest. Let him do that. It’s a heavy situation no matter who says it. I’m so sorry the three of you are in this drama, stirred up by other parties.
My son is two, and things are okay. A few weeks ago, my sister (28F) told us she was bringing her new boyfriend to her birthday dinner. It was Luke. We both immediately recognized each other, but neither of us said anything in front of anyone. I left the dinner early. I think I just felt stunned and unsure how to even process it.
Later that night, he came by and asked if we could talk. He told me his parents found out about the pregnancy back then, and that they pulled him out of school and cut him off from me completely. He said they were the ones who sent the money and the note. He thought I’d had an abortion and that it was over. We talked for a while, and he asked if I was going to tell my sister.
That was a few weeks ago. I haven’t told my sister anything, and Luke hasn’t reached out again. I don’t want to lie to my sister, but I also don’t want to cause drama if this relationship fizzles out on its own. At the same time, if he stays in her life long-term, it feels worse to stay quiet.
I’ve been avoiding being around them. I think she’s noticed. I don’t think she suspects anything, but I also know I can’t avoid this forever.
Best answer. This time he cannot blame it on Mommie and Daddy. If he wants to be seen differently, he needs to come to a family meeting and air this out.I think he will split on her as well. Get as much info on him as possible because he owes you two years of back child support and then ongoing child support. I would pull your sister aside and tell her first you want to talk about your child's father and what happened. Tell her about how it went down, the note to abort without any other communication. Tell her it was embarrassing, but not a choice you would change.
Then tell her you have not seen or heard from him since until she introduced him to you. You wanted to let her know before anyone. Tell her that you do not believe him, but on the off chance that he was telling you the truth, those people, who threw away a grandchild, are going to be her inlaws. Their first grandchild will not come from her and they will probably not want her either when they find out who her sister is. None of this can be hidden, so it is time to have that family meeting now.
Your saying it's been multiple weeks since ur sisters dinner and ur after talk with "Luke". During that conversation or even any time within those weeks has Luke spoken with u about how he sees himself in ur 2 year old son's life? I mean if he hasn't bothered with a follow up with u at all then he's worthless. He still needs to step up and at least financially support his son. Regarding ur sister however, u sure blew it holding this secret for so long after that dinner. U and he need to come together and read her into what her future may look like if she continues on with him. U 3 need to all know where everyone's heads are at in this drama for real. If ur sister knows the truth from that point forward at least there will not be any surprises if she stays with him. No matter what u be sure to hold him responsible as a father because if u do not u are doing ur child a disservice.
If you don't tell them now, right now, you AND your son will end up paying for it, and your son WILL blame you.
Just be honest, it might cause some chaos, but it's a lot better than latter
Tell your sister. My gut says Luke is a liar. He's putting the blame on his parents for something he did. She needs to know the kind of person she is with. If u tell her & she still stays with this snake then your conscience will be cleared & it will be on her. The truth is the truth u can't run from it all u can do iz confront it & let the chips fall where they will
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