I Refused to Pay a $150 Tip at a Family Dinner—Now Everyone’s Mad at Me

I didn’t think not leaving a tip would turn into a full-blown family battle. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, or at least not doing something wrong. But now everyone’s mad at me, and I keep going back and forth on whether I was being unreasonable or if they’re just overreacting.

Hi dear readers!

Please, tell me if I’m in the wrong here because I just can’t seem to see my fault. Here’s what happened.

My daughter-in-law recently turned 30, and to celebrate, she invited my husband and me to a fancy restaurant she “loves”. The place was beautiful, sure, but you could tell right away it was one of those trendy, expensive for the sake of being expensive places.

But whatever. It was her birthday, and she seemed excited, so I smiled, dressed up, and went.

I’ll admit, I already had a feeling the bill would be too much, but I figured we’d each pay for ourselves or maybe split the bill. But nope: when the check came, she paid the entire $800 for everyone’s dinner.

It honestly surprised me, but I figured maybe she had been saving for it or wanted to treat everyone as a big gesture. We all thanked her, and I thought that was that.

My DIL turned the tables on me.

Then, as we were getting ready to leave after the dinner, cake cutting, and photos, my DIL turned to me and said, “Can you take care of the tip? It’s $150.”

Wait, what? She had just dropped $800 on dinner, and now she wanted me to pay a ridiculous $150 tip, like it was no big deal. And, above all, why should I pay the tip for a dinner I was invited to? So I said, calmly, “I’m sorry, I don’t think the service was worth that much. I’m not comfortable covering the tip.”

And then I left. No shouting. No passive-aggressive comments. Just a polite refusal and a quiet exit. I thought maybe she’d be a little annoyed, but I figured she’d understand. Well, I figured wrong.

My son confronted me.

Later that night, I got a horrifying text from my son: “Forget about coming around for a while. You embarrassed her. She cried the whole way home. You should’ve known better.”

I was stunned. Over a tip? Now my phone’s gone quiet. My DIL won’t text back. My son is furious. Apparently, she feels that I was supposed to cover the tip because I didn’t get her a present, which is so strange to me.

It’s not like I work a job. No one told me I’d be expected to tip. I was just told to pay it. It didn’t feel like a kind request; it felt like I was being put on the spot.

I was going to get her a present anyway, I just forgot. When did love become so transactional? What should I do now?

Not long ago, I was the one struggling, reaching out for support from my mom. Now it’s her on the other end of the line: ill, devastated, and alone. Read my story: I Refuse to Help My Sick Mom—Even If She Calls Me Heartless.