I Said No to Funding My Boyfriend’s Lifestyle After Inheriting $4 Million

Relationships
month ago

When a Reddit user inherited a little over $4 million from her grandfather’s estate, she decided to quit her job and pursue her hobbies and interests at home. However, her boyfriend of a year and a half had a different idea of how she should spend her money.

The story

The boyfriend asked her to cover all expenses and start saving for their future. She refused, saying that he was not entitled to her money and that she preferred to keep their finances separate until they were married. This sparked a huge debate on the internet, with people weighing in on who was right and who was wrong in this situation.

After I got over the initial shock, I took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which I really hated), as I don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year. I’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art/music/other interests and gaming,” she wrote. Nevertheless, “ever since I inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities — about $1,200 a month — for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund.”

“Despite not working anymore, I still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great.”

The case for the woman

Many people supported the woman’s decision to say no to her boyfriend’s request, arguing that she had the right to do whatever she wanted with her inheritance. They pointed out that she was still paying her fair share of the rent and even hired a housekeeper to keep their place clean. They also warned her to be careful of her boyfriend’s intentions, as he might be trying to take advantage of her or pressure her into marriage. Some of the comments from the Reddit post are:

  • “You’re not married — I’d be very wary of marrying him though at this stage if this is his instant reaction to your finances. Get some urgent legal advice on the precise law where you are regarding locking up your money into a trust with named beneficiaries (you and any future children), cohab agreements, common law marriage (if it exists where you are) and anything else which a decent lawyer will know.” © playhookie / Reddit
  • “You aren’t married, so it isn’t his money. Honestly, I’d be running from this relationship if I were you. If he acts like this now, imagine how he will be when he feels he has a legal right to your finances.” © SincerelyCynical / Reddit
  • “I’m gonna go contrarian a bit to everyone here. While you shouldn’t pay for everything, I think you should readjust to pay more considering you’re in a much better financial position.
    As an example, I’m making more money than my girlfriend, therefore we made an agreement I’d pay for 60% of expenses and her 40%. To us, that’s natural to keep things fair and equalize our lifestyle. I think the same could apply to your current situation. I wouldn’t, however, pay for everything.” © Sinclair_Mclane / Reddit
  • “Don’t budge, or he will completely take advantage of you. Money can really show people’s true colors.” © Nyithra / Reddit
  • “You didn’t sign up to support him, and you didn’t even know you would be getting this inheritance. It would be one thing if he was struggling and asked for help, but to basically demand you cover his expenses and call you selfish if you refuse is entitled and rude.
    Especially since you’re not married and have only been dating for a little over a year. And you’re paying for a housekeeper on top of it, so he doesn’t even have to do housework! Honestly, times like this show you who people really are.” © StarStriker3 / Reddit

Some people also suggested that the woman should reconsider her relationship with her boyfriend, as he seemed to have different values and expectations from her. They advised her to find someone who would respect her choices and support her dreams, not someone who would leech off her wealth and make her feel guilty for not sharing it.

The case for the boyfriend

On the other hand, some people sympathized with the boyfriend’s perspective, arguing that he was not being greedy or selfish, but rather realistic and practical. They pointed out that the woman’s lifestyle was unsustainable and irresponsible, as she had no income, no career, and no goals. They also questioned her commitment to the relationship, as she seemed to have no interest in building a future with her boyfriend or contributing to their household. Some of the comments from the Reddit post are:

  • “If I came upon 4 millions, I bet you my bf wouldn’t pay a single dollar on our rent. I could understand if it was something significantly expensive, but with 4 million, 600 per month is pretty much nothing for you, but it can be really big for him.
    If you’re in it for the long haul... maybe he wants the occasion to pay off his debts? Not be a slave to a job he doesn’t like, either? Have a change of career? I mean, at this point, I think it’s pretty much time to decide if it’s long term or not. If it is, yeah, I don’t think this is fair.” © Capitaine_Minounoke / Reddit
  • “You are in a (relatively) long-term relationship. You inherited $4M, which is easily enough to give you six figures a year in interest if you invest it remotely intelligently. Despite this, you have not given him any remotely significant financial support.
    He has made the entirely reasonable point that you can easily afford the entire rent and still have enough money to quit your job and live quite comfortably, yet you refuse to do this because... you think he’s entitled? You are in a relationship, you should work as a team. If you’re not willing to help him financially out of goodwill despite being easily able to do so, why are you in this relationship?” © OwenProGolfer / Reddit
  • “Put yourself in the boyfriend’s shoes and get out of your basements. [You’re] treating your boyfriend like he’s completely expendable, rather than being financially supportive and helping him out a bit by paying for his half of the rent.” © thedread23 / Reddit
  • “Yeah, like when you say ‘tough break on having to work until you’re 70, I’m just gonna stay home and play games.’ Poor boyfriend, to be honest.” © Darivard / Reddit
  • “You mention you are comfortable living off of $40k a year. You are making WAY more than that. $4 million at 2.5% APR is $100,000 a year. You are not working, you outsourced the apartment upkeep, and you are doing only what you enjoy while the person you love is still working 40 hours a week and worried about making rent.
    You are literally living what everyone on Earth dreams of and won’t cover the rent/utilities (which isn’t even that much!) so your boyfriend can live more comfortably. Congrats on your windfall, but you need to rethink how it affects the person you love and how you can help them.” © phxarcher / Reddit

Others also advised her to see things from his perspective, as he was putting in a lot of effort to pay for the costs that she could handle with ease. They suggested her to consider whether she truly wanted a future with him.

On the topic of inheritance, here is an interesting story about a man who kept his inheritance for himself and did not give any to his relatives.

Comments

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When partners in a relationship are financially unequal, it can be more fair for each to contribute the same percentage of their income to a shared account that covers all the household expenses, rather than splitting them 50/50. If both put in 40% (or whatever % cover costs) of their income - eg, 40% of his net salary, 40% of her interest/investment income, then both will be contributing, and still have their own money as well. If the richer person pays all, they can feel exploited, but if they split 50/50 the person with the lower income often feels pressured and undervalued - they're struggling financially, while their partner has money left over.

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