I Hate the Names My Friend Chose for Her Kid but She Won’t Change Her Mind
Introducing a thoughtful conversation about baby names can be a delicate task, especially when a friend has their heart set on something unique and unconventional. Struggling with her genuine concerns, one woman shared her story.
The unconventional names
One of my friends found out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she’s really excited to be a mother. I’m happy for her and think she’d make a good mom, but there’s one problem: she wants her baby’s name to be unique and special, but the way she’s going about it is terrible. What I mean is the name she plans on using is godawful. If it’s a boy, she’s going to name him “Daynger” (yes, spelled like that to be unique), and if it’s a girl, she’s going to name her “Tinkerbelle.” I wish I was joking.
He friend is now mad at her.
I asked her if she was 100% sure, and suggested if she was set on those names to make them the kid’s middle name. When she asked why, I told her flat out that the child would get teased if she named them that. I know just how terrible kids can be; I got teased for my name and changed it when I was 19. She got really upset and told me I was being unsupportive and I was a bad friend.
She’s been ignoring my texts ever since, and it’s been more than a week. I’m starting to feel kind of guilty over what I said.
People shared their opinions.
- “A baby’s name should work for them from birth to school to career to retirement. She’s only thinking of how cute a baby Daynger/Tinkerbelle would be and not thinking of how much her tween will hate her for that name.” Regular-Switch454 / Reddit
- “She needs a reality check. She’s naming adults here. Those names won’t set her kids up for their best shot at life, and she needs to accept that.” Thoughtinspace / Reddit
- “I’m so sick of people assuming that anyone who disagrees with them is ’unsupportive.’ Being a supportive friend does not mean being a yes-man. It means having your friend’s best interests at heart. You do want your friend and her child to be happy; therefore, you are the most supportive. Any name should fill a person with confidence as people keep having to introduce themselves again and again throughout their life.” Friendly_Order3729 / Reddit
- “I think putting those names as a second name is a good solution. A normal name as the first one, for the kids, and these names as a second name, for the mom.” RunningBurger / Reddit
- “Has she heard of nicknames? Nicknames allow you to name a child something that everyone can pronounce and spell and not look at you sideways while still allowing you to call them by those fun names that sound great on a 3y.o. But not on the leader of your country.” whoopiedo / Reddit
Later, she shared an update.
We had a conversation over a call. I decided to tell her about my experience getting teased for years because of my name (Shayleigh, called Gayleigh), and it turns out she’s been going through a lot. Birth complications run in her family, and she’s been really stressed out about it, along with finding out that her boyfriend (now ex) of 3 years has been exchanging texts with a coworker of his. I had no idea about this, and she expressed regret for taking out her feelings on me.
I carefully brought up some of your points and suggested using the name “Belle” for a girl, with “Tinkerbelle” as a nickname; she thinks it’s cute and likes the idea. I also mentioned maybe using “Dayn” as a first name with “Danger” as a nickname, which she wasn’t quite as happy about. She did decide to use “Daynger” (still spelled like that) as a middle name, which isn’t nearly as bad as using it for a first name. On the bright side, the kid can tell people, “Danger is my middle name.”
Thank you for all your advice, everyone. I really appreciate your help and suggestions.
The goal is to maintain a supportive and understanding relationship with your friend. Being considerate in your communication will help ensure that your concerns are heard without causing unnecessary tension.