I Told My Wife I Regret My Decision to Have Kids

Choosing to have children involves greater risk than other life decisions we have to make. But also, sometimes it can be the thing that brings the most joy in our lives. And even though this can be true for some people, according to research, around 17-18% of parents regret their decision to have kids. One Bright Side reader who belongs to this group experienced a difficult situation when he admitted to his wife that he regrets his decision to have kids.

Bright Side received a letter from Roger, desperately in need of our help, and we hope our advice will help him and his wife go through this tough situation.

Hey Roger! We are sorry to hear that you and your wife are in a rough period in your relationship. But we are glad that you came to us for advice because our team of bright minds will do its best to give you the help you need.

• It’s a good thing that you opened up to your wife about how you feel. Keeping problems to yourself can only lead to feeling anxious and overthinking. Expressing what you feel is a major form of relief that can only contribute to resolving the conflict you have with your wife.
  Explain to her why you feel the way you do, and make sure to remind her that you still love your kids. Point out some happy moments you had with your family for her to know that you don’t only see the worst in the situation.

• You mentioned that you hate your job. And the good thing is you can always find a new one, or work on improving your skills and even change your career. It’s never too late.
  We are aware that you might be afraid of taking risks because the entire family depends on you, but your wife and kids also need a father and husband who’s happy and has good mental health. Talk to your wife and tell her that you are not happy with the job you have, and maybe she’ll help you discover a talent that you’ve never noticed in yourself.

• Propose to your wife to have a date night, only the 2 of you, at least twice a month. This can help restore the romance in your relationship and give you both a reminder of why you decided to start this journey together in the first place. Date nights will give you time and a place to talk to each other, which is hard and sometimes even impossible to do at home with the kids running around.

• Find a way to take some time for yourself. Do things that you often enjoyed when you didn’t have kids. Whether it’s hanging out with your friends, riding a bike, or watching TV.
  Remind yourself that you and your well-being are important too, and do these things without feeling guilty. Tell your wife that you need a day alone for yourself to recharge your batteries, and we hope she understands and gives you the space you need.

Hope these tips and advice will help you fix your situation. Maybe this conflict will be the start of restoring your relationship to the way it was.

What advice would you give to Roger? Do you regret having kids?