I Trusted My MIL to Babysit, but Her Hobby Almost Endangered My Baby

Parenting isn’t easy, and things can get messy when others step in to help. One reader, Emma, shared how her MIL offered to care for her grandchild, but later chose her own interests instead. It left Emma wondering where support ends and when firm boundaries are needed.

“Hello, Bright Side.

I’m reaching out because I can’t really talk to anyone in my circle about this, and I’d really appreciate a neutral opinion.

A few months back, I returned to work after maternity leave. It was a tough adjustment, emotionally and logistically. Leaving my baby, reshuffling routines, and trying to find balance as a family again wasn’t easy. Thankfully, my mother-in-law stepped in and said she’d watch the baby during the day. She’s a bit quirky, but she’s loving and seems like the perfect fit. She’s someone with experience and plenty of time on her hands.

Her main passion is making homemade candles, which felt pretty harmless at first. She’d gift us some with the strangest scents, but we just saw it as one of her sweet little quirks.”

"Everything had been going smoothly until one afternoon when I came home earlier than usual. I walked into the baby’s room and froze.

A complete stranger was holding my child. She looked up, smiled calmly, and said she was “the new nurse.” I honestly thought it was some weird joke. But no, she was completely serious.

I grabbed my phone and called my mother-in-law right away. She answered with her usual cheerful tone, like everything was totally normal.

I asked, “Who is this woman?” And she replied, as if it were no big deal, “Oh yes! I meant to tell you. I’ve been getting more candle orders, and since it’s turning into a little business, I hired someone to help with the baby so I could focus on it more.”

“I didn’t say anything at first. I felt shocked, hurt, and completely betrayed. Then I told her it wasn’t okay to make such a big decision without talking to us. Letting a stranger care for our baby without asking? That crossed a serious line.

She got defensive right away. She told me I was being ungrateful, that she was only trying to help, and that she had her own life too. She couldn’t keep putting everything on hold for our sake.’

Things got tense fast. I told her that we’re not expecting her to give up her life. But we had an agreement, and we need her to respect that.

Later that evening, my husband had his own talk with her. He tried to ease the tension, but made our boundaries clear. If she needs help, she should hire someone to assist with her candle business, not someone to raise our child behind our backs.”

“Since that day, things haven’t been the same.

She still visits, but doesn’t stay nearly as long. The woman she brought in now helps her with candle orders and managing her online business. My mother-in-law has returned to being ‘grandma,’ but something feels wrong.

She’s polite, but there’s distance. And I can’t look at her without remembering what happened. I wish I could just let it go, but it’s not that easy. I feel bad for holding onto this, but I also don’t want to act like nothing happened.

Was I too harsh? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I just need to hear if I was being unfair or just standing my ground. Thank you.

— Emma.”

Thank you, Emma, for opening up and allowing us to share your story. We understand how tough it can be to talk about family issues, especially when emotions are heavy and choices aren’t easy. What you’ve gone through will surely strike a chord with others facing the same kind of struggle.

Here at Bright Side, we’ve put together a few suggestions that might bring you a bit more peace and help guide you through this challenging time.

• Acknowledge her shifting identity. Recognize that your mother-in-law is trying to explore a new chapter of her life. Let her know that you admire her drive and creativity. When people feel understood, they’re more likely to understand in return.
• Create a shared care agreement. Sometimes, a simple structure can reduce misunderstandings. You might suggest writing down your expectations for child care. Include things like, “Always notify us before bringing someone else into the baby’s space,” or “Daily updates help ease our minds.” Invite her to add her own boundaries, too.

• Don’t let this moment overshadow all of her intentions. It’s okay to feel hurt, but also try to see the whole picture. She made a major mistake, but not out of malice. It came from poor judgment and a desire to keep juggling two roles. You can still forgive her without erasing what happened.
• Keep communication open between you and your husband, too. This situation likely brought up a lot of pressure for your husband as well. Let him know you appreciate him stepping up and reinforcing your boundaries. Ask him if he’s also feeling the shift in family dynamics. You’re a team, and when you move forward together with calm, clear intentions, your whole family benefits.

Emma’s situation shows how even strong family ties can be tested when people aren’t on the same page or when important conversations don’t happen in time. How would you have handled it? Was Emma being too firm, or was she simply protecting what mattered most? Your thoughts might help her look at things in a new way.

If stories like this speak to you, check out more real-life moments that explore what really goes on behind closed doors in family life.