I Want to Ditch My Husband for a Nanny, Who Does More for the Family Than He Ever Did

Some say a happy home thrives on teamwork, but not every spouse seems to get the memo. In some households, the real partnership often forms between the parent and a dedicated super-nanny, rather than between husband and wife. You’ve likely seen it before—some parents who believe “family time” means footing the bill for Happy Meals while leaving the rest to the unseen "help."

In reality, it’s the nanny who shoulders the load, taking care of everything from cooking and cleaning to homework assistance and organizing school events. That’s the story of one Redditor, a mom who ultimately decided to trade in her husband’s lackluster efforts for the reliability of a super-nanny.

Marriage is a team sport, but OP's husband seemed to think the bench is where he belonged.

An anonymous woman, whose nickname on Reddit is MelodicGeologist2465, has recently turned to the community to share her mind-stirring family story.

The woman wrote, [edited], "My husband and I are separated, getting a divorce. We have a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old. He owns his own business and told me he’d get home at 5:30-6 every night. I get home at 6-6:30, so I never thought anything about him always getting home before me."

"My nanny told me that when I'm away at work, my husband feeds the kids fast food, doesn’t clean the house or wash the kids’ clothes, and doesn’t even want them in the house. The last straw was when one day, my husband locked the door and didn't let the nanny and the kids come in. And things were getting even more frustrating, which led to my ultimate and unpopular decision."

The OP chose to replace her husband with a nanny—someone who ended up contributing more to the family than her ex ever did.

The woman wrote, "I had our 3-year-old in extended care at daycare and 8-year-old in her school’s after school program because I believed he was working. Halfway through the school year last year, I hired a nanny instead of the extended care programs after our oldest had problems with her program. I got a call from the nanny about 2 weeks in, saying my STBX husband locked them out and was telling her to take them to the park, but the kids were hungry, and she didn’t have car seats (his house is walking distance from school and daycare so she didn’t need car seats)."

"I called him, and he said he got home early and wanted some space from the kids and didn’t want a random 18-year-old in the house. I had to leave work early to let the kids in. While I was talking to the nanny, she told me he was always home when she got home with the kids and that he was always difficult (demanding that she and the kids stay in one of the kids rooms, ignoring the kids if they tried to talk to him, getting mad at her for leaving the room for a snack)."

"That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I filed for divorce by the end of the next week, and the kids and I moved out by the end of the next month."

The OP sincerely believes that a super-nanny is way better for her family's well-being than her husband.

The OP shared, "I ended up letting go of that nanny, and now we have Amina, 24. Amina is a middle eastern woman with 3 kids of her own, 2, 4 and 7."

"Hiring Amina is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I get to come home every day to a clean house, homework done, and some of the best Arabic food I’ve ever had. I have no idea how she manages to do everything, but having her around means I get to enjoy my time with my kids, instead of trying to make dinner, clean up, and get my 8-year-old to do her homework."

"She does the grocery shopping, keeps track of school events, and even handles things like clothes shopping for the kids and school supply shopping. My STBX never did any of that. I once left him with the kids for a week while I went on a work trip. They lived on McDonald’s and pizza, which wreaked havoc on my 8-year-old’s stomach."

"The house was in the worst shape I’d ever seen it. Our 2-year-old (at the time) ran out of clean clothes, and he bought her new clothes instead of washing her dirty clothes."

The woman is happy, but she feels pressure from the side of her husband and his family.

The OP shared, "My STBX has been asking about getting back together. He says us being together is better for the kids. I told him he’s never thought about what’s good for the kids. Even when he takes them for the weekend, all they do is go to grandma's house. I asked why I should go back to him when Amina does more for us than he ever did."

"He argued that he works to provide for us but thought it was different from me also working (apparently close to double the hours he worked and for similar money). Now his family is accusing me of being a bad mom and saying if I cared about the kids, I’d want them to have 2 parents. Am I in the wrong?"

Redditors rushed to the comments to support the hesitating mom.

The first person came to the comments to say the following, "You do not have to give a reason to anyone for not wanting to reconcile. If they insist, then “I found that I am happier, the kids are more stable, and our lives run more smoothly as things are right now.” That’s it. No-one is owed an explanation for your decision, not even the STBX."

Another user wrote, "My ex through a big for about how he was going to leave because we “didn’t respect him” (I.e. we all called him out on not doing his part). We all said, “Sounds good”.
A week later he is back groveling, saying he no longer wants to leave. Turns out the lawyer told him he was going to have to give me half of his retirement and that was a bridge too far for him.
The kicker was he REFUSED to let me put any money into retirement for the 9 years I stayed home because it was “all his money.”"

One more person commented, "I know I’m a complete stranger, but I just wanted to say I am so proud of you. I tell women almost every day, staying with a man who neglects you, neglects your kids, and neglects your home is not worth it. Staying in a toxic relationship sets a terrible example for your children, and teaches your sons to grow up to be lazy and neglectful as well.
Mine and my daughter’s lives were so much happier and easier once I left my ex and hired a nanny. You’ve made the right choice in standing up for yourself and your kids."

And one more user added, "This dude is like: I bring home money, why are you upset at me for not doing anything else for the family?
Yeah, well, the thing is, she's also bringing home money. This means he needs to step up and bring more to the table than just cash money. Men can no longer rely on their ability to provide financial support to their spouse to keep them happy long-term. As the spouse can now just go and get a job.
The only thing men had to bring to the table in the 60s was their ability to financially provide to their family. Their ability to do work and maintenance around the house, mowing the lawn, is considered something men do. Does your husband mow the lawn or maintain the external appearance of the house at all?
If he isn't then he is providing less support than a husband in the 60s. And we all know those guys were emotionally distant because a lot of them were veterans. They were distant fathers, but they provided physically for their families even if they couldn't emotionally provide for them.
Unfortunately, that style of parenting does not fly today. Women expect their husbands to emotionally bond with their children. In fact, we heavily value emotional vulnerability in our men, and we prefer it when they show emotions and connect with our children. Being a distant father and only providing cash and maintenance will no longer work. We expect them to take care of our children and be as emotionally invested in them as we are.
This is probably the first time in history where men have to actually attract women based off of their personalities and not their financial wealth and ability to provide."

And here's a story coming from a woman, who took a married man away from his family and got pregnant from him. But the man's wife has suddenly contacted her with a bizarre offer that the OP found shocking. Read more to find out the details of this intricate story with a twist.