I’ve Invited My Brother’s Ex-Wife to Christmas Dinner — My New SIL Is FURIOUS
Family gatherings during the festive season can be challenging. Other than the time and work that goes into planning and organizing the perfect Christmas dinner, some relatives might even not get along that well. A woman who decided to invite her brother’s ex-wife to the family event was met with loud disapproval from her new SIL. But when telling her story to netizens and asking for advice, she explained that she had a good reason behind extending the invite.
A woman got into a conflict with her future sister-in-law.
Here’s some background info: My brother’s ex-wife and I’ve been best friends before the 2 even started dating. 3 years ago, they first met at my family’s 4th of July cookout. A few weeks after that they started dating, which at first was a little weird to me seeing as though she’s my best friend, and he’s my brother.
They eventually got engaged and got married two years ago through court with my parents, her parents, my older sister and me being present. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last long. They divorced 4 months after, and my brother ended up getting his own apartment. Right around that time, he met his now-fiancée, whom he is set to marry next year in February.
Now getting to the upcoming Christmas dinner part. My parents are hosting Christmas dinner at their house and when I found out my best friend wasn’t spending Christmas with her family due to them planning to do their own thing this year, I decided to invite her to my parents’ home with my parents’ permission of course. I told my brother about it to give him a heads-up. He didn’t care or mind.
But when his fiancée found out about it, she called me, asking why did I think it was okay to invite my brother’s ex to my family Christmas dinner. I reminded her that my brother’s ex has been my best friend before the 2 met. She actually knew about this when my brother first told her.
But she didn’t accept that. She told me I was being disrespectful inviting my brother’s ex-wife and I told her if she has a problem with MY BEST FRIEND being there, she can just stay home. I feel as though I shouldn’t have to stop inviting my friend to events just because my soon-to-be SIL has an issue with it.
The poster gave more info in the comments.
- “My brother’s ex-wife was my friend first before he even met and dated my friend. And since he knows that, that’s why he’s not even upset about what I did. He was literally on the phone with me last night, telling me that when I called him to apologize in case I did something wrong. He told me his ex was my friend first anyway, so he can’t be upset at the fact that I invited her.” mermaidiamondz / Reddit
- “How would you know he’s not really fine with it? Do you personally know my brother? You spoke to him? No. So don’t tell me what my brother is really feeling unless you guys talk.
I talk to him. He admitted to not being upset with me. So don’t tell me how he feels when you don’t even know him.” mermaidiamondz / Reddit
- “My SIL and my brother are not even going to be around my friend a lot. The only time they will all see each other besides this upcoming Christmas dinner is on 4th of July, which is when we usually have our cookouts.” mermaidiamondz / Reddit
Redditors chimed in, and most took the poster’s side.
- “This person was family to you before she married your brother. Just because your brother got involved, doesn’t mean his fiancée now gets veto power. I understand she’s uncomfortable, I would be, too. But she knew the deal, she had to know this would come up at some point.
She just assumed that her opinion would weigh more, and it doesn’t. Your brother needs to make it clear to her that, ring or no ring, wedding or no wedding, she doesn’t get to decide who is family. Especially when everyone else is okay with it.” Natural_Garbage7674 / Reddit
- “She was around and important before she had a romance with your brother. You checked with your parents and brother first... New sis-in-law needs to grow up.” Worldly-Paint2687
- “Your brother decided to date and marry your best friend. He knew the possible fallout would be messy. His now-fiancée doesn’t have the right to dictate your family’s guest list, and if you’re allowed to invite your best friend to family events.” Cocoasneeze / Reddit
- “I think most people would be uncomfortable with their partner’s ex at a family holiday. Different where there are kids involved. I understand the ex is your best friend, but not a good start to building a relationship with SIL. I hope your brother considers her feelings and stays away.” Dear_Parsnip_6802 / Reddit
- “There is nothing wrong with inviting a family friend who’s been part of your holidays for years. It would be nonsensical to banish her now because of a short-lived marriage mistake both parties agreed to end amicably.
As a woman who has smiled through the past 30 years of family holidays (+ graduations, baby showers, class plays, cheerleading competitions, kid’s birthdays, and eventually grandchildren’s birthdays) with my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with I can say with experience and love to your future SIL ’Get over yourself. Life happens and seldom asks your permission.’” Sea_Spirit_55 / Reddit
While Christmas is about family, community, and spending time with loved ones, Christmas parties can also come with a set of challenges. There are many things that can go wrong even at the most common gatherings, such as work events.