My In-Laws Invited the Whole Family to a Gathering — But Left My Children Out

4 weeks ago

One of the toughest feelings for a mom is when her children aren’t accepted or feel left out. Nadine, a Bright Side reader, faced a similar situation. She felt devastated to see her in-laws treating her kids differently from their other grandkids and excluding them from an important family event. Nadine reached out to us for advice.

This is Nadine’s letter.

Leisa

week ago

Absolutely, this is wholly and solely a husband problem. What he says, goes, and his family's rejection of your children should have been addressed long ago.

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Nadine! We’ve prepared a few tips that we hope can help you navigate through this delicate situation.

Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband.

Sit down with your husband in a calm and private setting. Express your feelings openly and honestly about how his lack of support made you feel during the family dinner. Use specific examples, such as how seeing all the grandchildren except Fred and Sara affected you.

Encourage him to share his perspective as well. This dialogue can help both of you understand each other’s feelings better and find a way to move forward together as a united front in dealing with his parents.

Set boundaries with in-laws.

It’s essential to establish clear boundaries with your in-laws regarding how Fred and Sara are treated within the family. Have a respectful but assertive conversation with them about their exclusionary behavior and how it impacts your children.

Emphasize that Fred and Sara are a vital part of your family and deserve to be treated with love and acceptance like any other grandchild. Encourage them to make an effort to include your children in future family gatherings and activities.

Family therapy or counseling.

Bernice Lowery

4 weeks ago

All of the suggestions listed are great but for immediate response I would have kindly excused myself and walked out ! I would have asked my husband to come and if he wouldn't I would have left anyway and dealt with him later at home. From That moment on if the family was getting together for any other occasion I would check with other family members to see if children are really invited or not. Otherwise I will bring my children to "every" event or occasion that they have because I would not trust them or my husband after that. Like I stated before, I would definitely use some of the techniques and tactics you suggested above, but I will make sure that something like that never happens again. I think that was cruel, disrespectful and just plain mean for whomever thought of doing something like that ! And for my husband who claims to care about my children.... How does he think my children are going to feel when they find out that they were the only ones not invited because they will find out the other children will talk. They are going to look at him in a whole different light and he's going to have to start all over again to regain their trust and whatever they feel for him because it's going to hurt them. They're going to feel unwelcome every time there is a family gathering and they will probably be wondering were they really invited. That was just a terrible thing to do and for any of the adults that knew about it to allow it to happen they're just as bad. I just could not imagine it would hurt me to my heart :(

Consider seeking professional help from a family therapist or counselor who can facilitate productive communication and problem-solving within your family dynamic. Family therapy sessions can provide a safe space for you, your husband, and potentially even your in-laws to address underlying issues and work towards reconciliation.

A neutral third party can offer valuable insights and strategies for navigating challenging family dynamics and finding constructive solutions.

Seek support from extended family.

Reach out to other family members who may be more supportive and understanding of your situation. They can offer emotional support and possibly intervene on your behalf with your in-laws.

Having allies within the family can help reinforce the importance of accepting Fred and Sara as integral members of the family unit, regardless of biological ties.

Kate is another mother who found herself in an uncomfortable situation. Kate felt devastated when her husband refused to pay her son’s college tuition, stating that his biological dad should be responsible. She reached out to us asking for advice.

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