My 19-Year-Old Daughter Wants to Keep Her Child; I Laughed at the Idea

Being a young parent brings extra challenges that not everyone is prepared to handle. One mother sought advice on Reddit, wondering if she was wrong for telling her teenage daughter that she wouldn’t assist in raising her expected baby.

A mother shared her difficult situation.

My 19-year-old daughter, Rose, has always been a bright girl. She excelled in school and earned a full scholarship to a great local college. She’s been living with me and doing well in her studies.

A few months ago, she started dating a new boyfriend who I don’t like. He constantly lets her down but masks it with a big smile and grand promises. Despite my warnings, they’re still together, and now she’s pregnant. I offered to pay for an abortion and take a few days off work to support her through it.

She refused. Instead, she’s decided to marry her boyfriend, and they plan to be one big happy family. She wants him to move into my house, and she’s planning to drop out of school while he works to support them. He’s a bartender who doesn’t attend college. When I laughed at the idea, she got really mad.

She told me that since he can’t move in, I’ll need to step up and help with the baby more. Honestly, she’s always been so sensible, I can’t understand where all this is coming from. I bluntly told her that if she thinks she’s grown enough to have and raise a child and get married, then she needs to move out and handle being an adult with the child’s father.

I’ve raised the one child I wanted to raise. I don’t want to take on the responsibility of another child living in my home. I told her I’d help by buying diapers occasionally and still visiting her, but this baby is not my responsibility. If she decides on adoption, which I doubt she will, I’d be willing to help her through that process.

She won’t speak to me now. My husband, her stepdad, is staying out of it but thinks I could do more to help. I told him he was welcome to go over and babysit for her if he felt that way, and that ended the discussion.

I had my daughter when I was 19 too. I was married to her father, who was in the military. Despite everything, I still graduated from college at 22. Things worked out for us until he died in service. I think my experience is influencing her decisions, but her situation is very different. Her boyfriend can’t even provide health insurance for her or the baby.

I don’t want a baby in my home, and I’m not going to babysit. I’ll do the usual grandparent things like attending birthday parties and buying gifts, but that’s it.

She provided additional details in the comments.

• “She’s not allowed to stay with me, even if she pays rent. I do not want the responsibility and inconvenience of having a baby in my home, period. And I’m not willing to babysit either. I have a career and a life.” Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit
• “In the post, I said if she has this baby, she has to move out. There is no negotiation on this. She’s not living with me, and I’m not babysitting. It’s not my responsibility. I had my daughter when I was 19 and my husband and I managed and did well with zero help from any grandparents.” Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit
• “The difference is I was already married, and we thought over the logistics and mutually decided to have a child because we were in the position to do so. We owned a home, had health insurance, had access to daycare, and had the money to do so.
  My daughter has a boyfriend, not a husband. He does not have and cannot provide health insurance to her or her child. They do not have a home to provide for the child. They cannot afford daycare. They can’t afford much of anything, actually. So it’s completely different.” Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit

Netizens took the mom’s side and even offered some advice.

• “You provided a home to raise your child in; it was never offered that you would raise grandchildren as well as a result of your child’s poor decision-making. It’s her responsibility to navigate this and make decisions compatible with her ability to support herself.” CarpeCyprinidae / Reddit
• “If she’s doing grown-up things and making grown-up decisions, she needs to learn how to adult. She wants live-in childcare and complete financial support from you for her child AND HUSBAND. They want a free ride with no responsibility to themselves or their child. They’ll never move out if you allow this.” Prize-Bumblebee-2192 / Reddit
• “My foolish cousin got pregnant for the first time at 17, and my uncle felt sorry for her and her partner, so he let them stay at his home. Now, she has 3 children at 23, and she and her partner have been living off my aunt like leeches. My uncle passed away last year, and now my aunt is the one doing all the work and paying all the bills for five people that she never wanted in her home. My aunt seems to have aged 15 years in the last 5 years, and all the stress and extra responsibilities have taken a toll on her mental and physical well-being.” HilMickaelson / Reddit
• “Let her know how much car insurance is going to be if she’s not under your policy. That number alone was enough to make my son stay in our home and save up his money before he moved out.” Ok-Fishing-6604 / Reddit
• “Unfortunately, some people will insist on making bad choices, and we can’t stop them. The only thing we can control is how much the consequences will affect us.” NatashOverWorld / Reddit

Pregnancy can either bring families closer or create significant challenges. One woman shared her story about her stepdaughter’s pregnancy and the unexpected demand that she take care of the baby. To complicate matters, her husband is siding with his daughter. Read the full story here.