Family relationships can get complicated. And when money or an inheritance is involved, things can get messy. That is particularly true when one family member has kids, and the other does not. One of our readers shared her experience.
Dear Bright Side,
My mom passed away recently, and my brother and I inherited $90K each. My brother is childfree and decided to save his money. I have 5 kids and needed the money to care for them, so I spent my share in a matter of months.
When the money was gone, I called my brother and demanded half of his. I told him what happened and said, “My 5 kids need it more than you ever will.” He hung up on me and hasn’t reached out since. I was furious because I needed to pay school fees, and he didn’t even want to hear me out.
I tried messaging him and pleading for his help, but he just ignored me, and I ended up in a position where I needed to make alternative plans for my kids’ schooling. I was stressed, my kids were upset, and in a moment of tension, I let it slip that their uncle refused to help them.
Then, 2 weeks later, my oldest came into the house holding an envelope addressed to her. When she said, “Uncle set up college funds for all of us. Why are you mad at him when he loves us so much?” I couldn’t breathe.
Confused, I took the envelope and saw a letter from a banker. It said that my brother had opened education funds for each of my kids and put $15K into each account. The total was $75K, nearly all his inheritance.
The letter also said that the funds would remain locked until the child the fund belongs to goes to college. Then they would be managed by a trustee so “the mother has no access to them at all, for any reason whatsoever.”
My kids were thrilled, but I felt like a failure as a mother and sister. And things only got worse when my daughter asked why I’d called Uncle selfish when he gave them their futures. I had no answer for her. I had no idea my brother would do this after he went no contact with me.
But he had given them the one thing I could never afford. He had given them a safe and secure future, while I thought I spent my share on meaningful things that wouldn’t last them a lifetime. Now I’m wondering if he might be right about me.
So Bright Side, am I a selfish mother? Should I have thought about my children’s future instead of their current living situation? And how can I fix my relationship with my brother after all this?
Regards,
Jane H.
Why should your brother give up his half because of you? Kids or no kids you are a spoiled entitled brat. He didn't decide to have 5 kids you are. You're the one who acted so amateur and had kids you can't afford. Go to social services and get on food stamps and leave your brother alone. He's entitled to keep his money.
OMG listen to your sense of entitlement! Your mom left you $90,000 and you spent it within months. Your brother was EXCEEDINGLY generous to your kids. I personally would have invested it to ensure my own future; you never know when you might have your own emergency. You chose to have a large family and caring for them is the responsibility of the people who made them. That means you and their father. SMH. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your greediness is mindboggling.
Dear Jane,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
You’re not selfish for prioritizing your kids’ immediate survival, but you crossed a line the moment you treated your brother’s inheritance as something you were entitled to and then framed him as the villain to your children.
The hardest truth here is that your brother didn’t refuse to help. He refused to enable a pattern he clearly didn’t trust, and he protected your kids from you, not instead of you. That doesn’t make you a bad mother. It means you were drowning and thinking short-term because you had to.
But repairing this starts with radical accountability: you need to acknowledge to yourself, to your kids, and eventually to your brother that your fear turned into entitlement, and entitlement turned into resentment.
You cannot undo how you spent your money, but you can undo the narrative you created. You can start by correcting what you said about their uncle, apologizing without asking for anything in return, and accepting that the reason he went no-contact was to create a boundary, not to punish you.
If you reach out, it shouldn’t be to justify your choices or explain your stress. It should be to say, “You were right to protect the kids’ future, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” That humility is the only bridge left, and it’s the one thing you still fully control.
Jane finds herself in a difficult situation, and the results of her attempts remain unclear. But she isn’t the only one with family struggles.
Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. Read the full story here: I Got Nothing While My Brother Got It All—And My Truth Changed the Way Everyone Saw Things.
Well I think you should have invested that money instead of spending it like that. Talk to your brother and thank him first of all and also apologize.
Yes you're an AH. Your not entitled to your brother's money. And you could have money, if you got a full time job. Be grateful that your brother actually set up college funds for.your kids and apologize like crazy to your brother. He didn't have to do this.
Spent 90k in a matter of months? What did you do? Go to Vegas? No wonder your brother set up college funds for your kids and refused to allow you access to them. At least he, unlike you, thinks of your kids future.
He didn't ask you to have five children. They are your kids so YOU look after them. You got an equal share, and you got through your share in no time. What could have possibly cost you that sort of money and in such a short time?. Entitlement or what? !!!
You're a complete ass. You think that what's yours is yours and what's your brothers has is yours. The epitome of entitlement. I hope your kids don't grow up to be like you!
