My Daughter Resents Me for Following My Retirement Dream

Being a parent means many responsibilities and sacrifices. However, at some point, the parents should start thinking about their own lives as well. One of our readers, Eleanor (65), contacted us about her big dilemma between her daughter and her life-long dream.

Let’s look at her letter together.

Dear Bright Side,

I’ve always dreamt of life at sea. When doctors said I only have about 2 years left due to a degenerative condition, I decided to sell my house to finally live on a cruise. When I told my daughter about my plan, she exploded. Only then did I learn she’s pregnant with twins and desperately needs a bigger place.

She and her husband are struggling financially, and since she’s a stay-at-home mom, they were counting on my house as a fallback plan.

I was completely blindsided. Up until that moment, she had never mentioned her new pregnancy or their money troubles. She just kept saying I was abandoning the family. It broke my heart to discover the real depth of her situation after the papers were signed.

She accused me of not caring, of putting my own desires above hers and my grandchildren’s. I tried to explain I had no idea what was really going on, but she didn’t want to hear it.

I also haven’t told her about my health condition. I decided not to. I didn’t want her to worry or try to stop me from pursuing this dream I’ve clung to my whole life.

So here I am, suitcase in hand, about to embark on a voyage I’ve dreamed of for decades. Yet part of me is filled with guilt, knowing my daughter’s life is in turmoil. My heart aches at the possibility that our relationship might never recover. But I also know I can’t waste a single day, not with the clock quietly ticking away behind me.

I don’t regret wanting to see the world—it’s the one thing I’ve always wanted to do. If only she’d told me earlier, maybe we could’ve worked out a compromise. Instead, I’m leaving with the weight of her anger and my secret, wondering if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life—or if I’m finally doing what I was always meant to do.

Sincerely,
Eleanor

Thank you, Eleanor, for sharing your situation with us. We understand how challenging it is to be stuck between your daughter and your dream.

We have some advice for you.

1. Acknowledge her feelings without taking all the blame.

It’s clear your daughter feels abandoned, but her anger is also coming from a place of fear and stress. She never told you about her pregnancy or financial troubles, which means she may have assumed you would always be her safety net.

Instead of carrying guilt, acknowledge her pain. Let her know you hear her, even if you can’t change your decision. You can say something like: “I never intended to hurt you. I understand that this feels like I’m leaving you behind, but that was never my goal.”

2. Stand firm in your choice.

Your daughter’s struggles don’t cancel out your right to happiness. You’ve spent your life putting others first, and now, with time slipping through your fingers, you’re finally prioritizing yourself. This doesn’t mean that you are selfish; it means you are a human.

You can remind yourself: “Loving my daughter doesn’t mean giving up on myself.”

3. Consider sharing your diagnosis if you are ready.

You’ve kept your condition a secret to protect her, but in doing so, she’s missing a key part of the picture. If she knew your time was limited, her perspective might shift. Yes, she may still be hurt, but she may also understand why this journey is so important.

If you’re open to it, telling her could bring clarity. If you’re not, that’s okay too. Just be prepared for her to misinterpret your decision as selfishness rather than urgency.

If you decide to tell her, you can say something like: “I didn’t want to burden you, but I need to be honest. I don’t have as much time as I thought, and this is something I have to do for myself.”

4. Offer emotional support in a different way.

You may not be able to give her the house, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be there for her. She’s about to have twins, and this will be a challenging time, emotionally and financially. Even from afar, you can still be an active presence in her life.

You can let her know that you are going to be with her by saying something like this: “Even though I won’t be physically nearby, I’m still here for you. We can talk, we can figure things out together. I’m not abandoning you.”

5. Accept that some wounds take time to heal.

Right now, emotions are raw. No matter how much you explain, your daughter may not be ready to listen. That doesn’t mean your relationship is permanently broken; it just means she needs time.

You can remind yourself: “She’s hurting now, but that doesn’t mean she’ll always feel this way.”

Many parents are ready to do anything for their kids’ sake, such as these people in this article.