My DIL Broke My House Rules—I Made Her Face the Consequences

Neale ko Deala mila
Bada Mazza aaya!
Someone pl translate!!

Donna Grainger

You didn't get exactly what you wanted, so got petty and embarrassed her. I would not speak to you either. If you want to make homemade food, good for you, but to expect others to do it , just because you do, is disrespectful. She didn't show up empty handed. She didn't blow you off. She just didn't personally cook the food she brought. I would have blown up in your face.

Donna Grainger

I guess that would have been the last time we spoke. If you value family at all, you knew the rules. It's not like this was the first time she was introduced to the family - she was already part of the family. Don't bring me deli salads, sandwiches, rotisserie chicken, KFC, instant potatoes, etc... Plan your busy week so you have 10 min. to put together a casserole, crock pot dish, one pot wonders... honor all cooks at the table with some effort... During my 39 years teaching, the faculty pot-luck got people who would bring nothing but paper plates,napkins and cups.. We can dig those up in the lounge... bring a dish... I see math teachers who bring a frozen pizza and put it into the school's oven, can't bother cut it and think that should pass... The above family dinner was clearly for family - DIL disrespected ALL family members who thought enough of each other to make something.. and worse say her time was more valuable than a SAHM or someone who could cook. I would never disrespect my MIL with the comment or the store bought dish and then give her a lifetime of guilt because she asked for a homemade dish. You go ahead and blow up, I can enjoy family dinner without you.

Joanne Saville

If I didn't have time to prepare a meal for my husband's family get together I would give a polite apology explaining that I got swamped and hoped this would work. If it's cause she doesn't even know how to boil an egg then she should have pulled you aside, explained the situation, and asked if something store-bought would be acceptable. Her trying to shame you I to doing things her way made your actions completely acceptable, and if I were you id ask your son if he is so insulted by how you treated his wife why he has so little respect for you that he is okay with her shaming you instead of coming to you with her situation as a "hey do you mind?" Instead of trying to make you feel bad for being a stay at home mom

Joanne Saville

As for the son, he should have known better and made a dish himself. He knew his mother and should have respected the rule... too many young professionals today eat every meal out, leave that gorgeous kitchen unused. Give me a break, we're not looking for 5-star completely from scratch, just homemade.

Colleen Dawson

There was nothing thankful about your behavior. I do not cook or bake. I was single until I was 42. You better believe I would have brought something from the store your dinner. I hope you pick up the phone the profusely apologized to them. Also your daughter-in-law is rude there's no question about it but you ever heard of when they go low we go high. What is the value what the people bring or their presence. If I were though I would not come back to your thanks. Next year so you really need to think about asking for forgiveness not showing forgiveness.

Colleen Dawson

How do you not cook? Do you eat EVERY meal out? Never used a kitchen and you're 42? Follow simple steps of a recipe - DIL knew the rules, follow them. MIL is justified this time

Joann Azevedo Moran

I would rather have a store bought contribution than an inedible garbage dish that's fulfilling some arbitrary power play requirement. Not everyone can cook or likes to cook and to make a big deal out of it to the point of humiliation is super wrong. The point of family gatherings is family. You lose

Teresa Sigerson-azo

You absolutely overreacted you should not have humiliated her in front of everyone even if you specified a home cooked meal she may not have taken that literally but at the same time her comment about work being more important or time consuming was very rude and in appropriate your both wrong....

Teresa Sigerson-azo

Come on!!! DIL is a member of the family who knew the rules... She couldn't make a nice salad? Veggie casserole? Pasta dish, potato casserole, rice dish? Give me a break.. a mother worth anything teaches kids how to make some basic meals.. how to use a stove, how to clean up... People who say "I just don't cook" are an insult to humanity

Cathi S.

What did your son bring? Surely you didn't raise a child who couldn't cook and didn't respect your own family's customs.

Karen Walker

You're the kind of Karen that gives the rest of a bad name SMDH, grow up already

Kathy Burner

You humiliated her in front of everyone. Hope it was worth tanking your relationship with them.

Kathy Burner

DIL is already in the family, if she didn't learn to cook, did she ask MIL to help her learn some basic acceptable dishes that anyone could bring? No, she was snotty about not having time to do anything domestic. Hope she and the son never get pregnant

Janie Fields

In my opinion and with my family... my DIL would have told me in advance. If ai had an issue, it would have been handled privately . There is no sense in embarrassing anyone...not to mention a new DIL publicly. I would have either enjoyed the meal that I did not have to cook, or I would have offered to help her and accepted her answer. Newcomers to a famiky should never be put on the spot like that and embarrassed. Yes, you owed her the apology for being passive aggressive in your response. A simple thank you would have sufficed. Maybe her family did things differently.

Jeanne Tregidgo Maxted

If the story happened as you conveyed, you were both rude. Take ownership of your behavior and apologize. If I were in your family, and this happened at an occasion, I wouldn't go to the next gathering you hosted. Too much drama.

Marci

Jeanne Tregidgo Maxted

DIL was not rude. She could have brought nothing at all.

Marci

Don't bring an offering, don't get in... DIL can go home

Lisa Adams

you were very rude did you ever thing maybe she was too busy to cook or maybe she does not know how to cook. I'd never come to your house again . Look its hard being a mother in law but you can't make everyone live like you do.

Lisa Adams

She said nothing about living like MIL, she simply asked that everyone in attendance bring a homemade dish... that's not too much to expect. DIL shamed MIL when she made light of both SAHM and someone who can throw together a simple dish for those you love. I bet DIL doesn't entertain much either

Lisa Newbold

I just would have given her a plate with ALL her store bought food filling it, and told her the home made food was for those that made home made food.

Rose Kennedy

Lisa Newbold

I assume you would do the same for the son too. Or is he exempt because you failed at teaching him how to cook?

Rose Kennedy

Sounds like either he brought and acceptable dish or tried skirting in his wife's failure.. Have we really gotten to the point where she get's a pass because she doesn't want to try? As a teacher, I gave her an F.

Docherty Debbiegirl

I would say yes, what your daughter in law done was a bit sarcastic but i probably handled it private and spoken with her about it , not in a embarissing crafty manner or just be thankful she even brought anything me myself make home cooked meals and so does my dils but i would not intentionally humiliate them in front of everyone else

Karen, we truly appreciate you sharing your story with us. To support you in handling this situation with your DIL, we’ve compiled 4 personalized tips for you. We hope these insights will help you navigate the conflict, express your viewpoint clearly, and foster more harmonious interactions moving forward.

Reconsider the Significance of Tradition

Think about whether the long-standing custom of bringing a homemade dish is truly necessary for your family gathering or if it can be adjusted to suit everyone’s situation. While traditions hold significance, they should also adapt to accommodate the changing circumstances of family members. Explaining the purpose behind this expectation to your DIL while expressing openness to compromise might help ease any tension. For example, you could propose that next year she brings a store-bought dish with a personal touch, such as a unique garnish or special presentation. This approach demonstrates appreciation for her efforts while preserving the spirit of the tradition.

Foster a Conversation, Not a Confrontation

Instead of standing your ground or sidestepping the issue, consider reaching out to your daughter-in-law for an honest, one-on-one conversation. Recognize that the situation may have affected her feelings and share why the tradition of bringing a homemade dish holds significance for you. Present the discussion in a way that prioritizes mutual understanding rather than placing blame. Listening to her perspective with an open mind can help rebuild trust and pave the way for a positive resolution. This approach can ease tension and encourage healthier communication within the family.

Cultivate Understanding by Seeing Through Others' Eyes

Try to view the situation through your daughter-in-law’s eyes, recognizing the pressures she may experience as both a working professional and a newer member of the family. Her remark about being busy may not have come across well, but it could stem from feelings of overwhelm or concern about meeting expectations. Responding with empathy instead of defensiveness can go a long way in mending the relationship. Reassure her that her contributions, in any form, are valued and appreciated, while kindly emphasizing the significance of family traditions. This approach can help strengthen bonds and create a more supportive family dynamic.

Recognize and Resolve Public Conflicts in Private

Think about how the situation unfolded in a public setting and whether the approach, rather than the message itself, may have contributed to tension. While emphasizing the importance of family traditions is understandable, addressing the issue in front of others might have intensified the conflict. A private discussion would have given her the chance to express herself without feeling embarrassed or scrutinized. Going forward, consider setting a family expectation that sensitive topics are handled in private to ensure that everyone feels respected. Offering a sincere apology for addressing the matter publicly—while standing by your values—can help rebuild trust and strengthen family relationships.

Recently, a fellow Bright Side reader shared a deeply moving experience with her future MIL—one that made her question whether she should proceed with the marriage at all. Read her story here.

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Carla Speigel