My Friends Want to Impose Rules for Their Wedding at My House, So I Canceled It

In life, there are friendships that seem to last forever, like those we make as children and that, despite all the changes of adulthood, we keep for years. Suddenly, however, situations happen that leave us questioning whether it is worth continuing or ending a friendship altogether. That’s what happened to one Reddit user, who, while trying to do his friends a favor, ended up feeling betrayed.

Here is the situation.

Last summer, I bought my grandparents’ house. This house was the hangout spot for my friends and me throughout our childhood. This includes my friend Dave. The house has a sizable amount of land, which includes a lake and a gazebo.

I was supposed to buy the house with my now ex-girlfriend, Leslie. But, going through the process of getting approved to buy, I found out that she has massive amounts of credit card and personal debt that she hid from me throughout our four years together. I decided to break up as a result. That was about six months ago. I met Leslie because Dave’s long-term girlfriend, Kim, is her cousin.

Dave and Kim are engaged and set to get married. When I was buying the house, they asked if they could have the ceremony at the gazebo, which I agreed to do.

In December, I started dating again. Leslie has not taken this well at all. She thinks we are going to get back together and has tried multiple times to make that happen. I have told her in no uncertain terms that it isn’t happening.

Dave and Kim have asked me not to invite anyone as my plus one to their wedding for the sake of Leslie, my ex. I have told them they were being ridiculous. The wedding will be at my house, using my land, and I am not allowed to bring my date for the sake of a crazy ex.

If that is the case, then they need to find a new venue for the wedding. They are angry about this, given the short time frame of when the wedding is supposed to happen. So, we are at an impasse.

I met with Dave this morning. We talked for almost two hours about everything. I laid it out that I thought he was, at best, a lousy friend. I went through our long history of various things over the years that have me questioning our friendship. That was the bulk of our conversation.

We then turned to the breakup with Leslie and what the last six months have been like. Throughout the last six months, despite Leslie’s craziness, I have bent over backwards to try and accommodate her feelings.

She has shown up at my house in the middle of the night. I did not go for a restraining order. When I go out, I do not go to places I know that she and her family like to go. She has implied to her family and mutual friends, at various times, that I cheated and/or that I took advantage of her financially. Neither of which is true at all.

I have held my tongue not to embarrass her about these things in front of her friends and family. Dave knows all that and yet is demanding, once again, that I put Leslie’s feelings before my own. I said, “You and everyone need to stop coddling her like she is a child.”

Dave concedes that Leslie has been crazy and ridiculous since the breakup. But, he says, “she feels she did not get closure after the relationship. She wants to have an evening where she can talk to you to get that closure.”

He also told me that Leslie has been very vigilant about paying off her debt and has paid off almost $10,000 of the credit card debt. She wants to talk to me about her progress to see if that might cause me to change my mind. It will not.

I asked him, “So, do you expect me to go to the wedding and talk to her? Because I have her blocked everywhere and, date or not, I do not plan to say a single mumbling word to her.” He said, “I fully expect she would lose it if you do not talk at the wedding.”

I told him if that is the case, then, for the good of my property, I can’t have Leslie come. If she is so unstable that I need to be coerced into a conversation with her, she is too unsafe to be a guest, in any capacity, in my home.

So, I have told him, based on what he has told me, “Leslie cannot come to my house or onto my land. I am willing to still have the wedding at my place, but I cannot trust Leslie won’t do something, given what you are telling me.”

Dave lost it at this point. He said, “I don’t need this!” So, I said, then the wedding is off. He left. So, that is the state of things.

The situation Dave faces is undoubtedly a peculiar one, but his steadfastness enabled him to stick to his decision until the end. How would you have dealt with this problem if you had been in Dave’s place?