My Husband Asked Me to “Hurry and Push the Baby Out” Because He Was Hungry
In the whirlwind of emotions and anticipation surrounding the birth of their child, a first-time mom found herself caught in an unexpected scenario. As she struggled through the intense labor pain, her husband, instead of comforting her with words, surprised her with a rather unusual request.
Sarah shared her experience with us.
Thank you for sharing your situation with us, Sarah. Here are some tips and advice that might be helpful for you.
Your feelings are valid.
Your story presents a complex and concerning situation; your reaction to it is entirely valid. Let’s break down the key elements:
Emotional Neglect: Your husband’s increasing distance and indifference towards your pregnancy and labor are concerning. This lack of emotional support during such a significant moment in your lives is not typical behavior and may indicate underlying issues.
Failure to Prioritize: His absence when you needed him most, especially during the crucial time when your water broke, demonstrates a failure to prioritize your needs and the well-being of both you and the baby.
Inappropriate Behavior: Taking photos of you in a vulnerable and painful moment, laughing at your facial expressions, and attempting to distract you with the excuse of making a joke are highly inappropriate actions. His insensitivity is evident.
Disregard for Your Feelings: After the delivery, your husband dismissing your feelings and telling you to “learn to take a joke” shows a lack of understanding and empathy for what you went through.
Lack of Accountability: Instead of acknowledging his actions, your husband seems to downplay the seriousness of the situation and places the blame on you for not appreciating his sense of humor.
How you may handle this situation.
Handling a situation like this can be challenging, but it’s important to address the issues in your relationship. Here are some steps you can consider:
Communicate: Initiate an open and honest conversation with your husband. Share your feelings, concerns, and the impact of his behavior on you during a vulnerable time. Use “I” statements to express your emotions, making them less accusatory and more about your personal experience.
Seek Understanding: Ask your husband about his perspective and feelings. Try to understand if there are any underlying issues or stressors that might have contributed to his behavior. Encourage him to express himself without judgment.
Express Expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding emotional support, especially during significant moments like pregnancy and childbirth. Help him understand the importance of empathy and being present in such situations.
Set Boundaries: Make it clear which behaviors are unacceptable and set boundaries. Inappropriate actions, such as taking photos and making inappropriate comments during labor, should be explicitly addressed. Establish what is considered respectful and supportive behavior.
Consider Professional Help: If communication alone doesn’t lead to positive changes, consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist. A professional can provide guidance, facilitate communication, and help both of you understand and address underlying issues in the relationship.
Evaluate the Relationship: Reflect on the overall health of your relationship. Assess whether these behaviors are isolated incidents or part of a larger pattern of emotional neglect or insensitivity. Consider whether the relationship is meeting your emotional needs and whether both partners are contributing to its well-being.
Involve a Support System: Reach out to friends, family, or a support network to share your experiences and seek advice. Having an external perspective can be helpful in understanding the situation and gaining support.
Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Pregnancy and childbirth are demanding on your body and emotions. So, ensure you prioritize self-care. Surround yourself with people who provide positive support.
Remember, addressing such issues in a relationship requires effort from both partners. If your husband is willing to listen, understand, and work towards positive change, there is potential for growth. However, if the behavior continues to be harmful and your needs are consistently unmet, it may be necessary to reassess the long-term viability of the relationship.