My Husband Thinks I’m Selfish for Wanting to Go on Vacation Alone

Some experts say being a stay-at-home parent can be one of the most challenging jobs out there. Although you aren’t employed and expected to show up at the office at 8 am., your day also doesn’t end at 5 pm. Stay-at-home moms and dads don’t get PTO, and they’re expected to be in parent mode all the time. This can very quickly lead to burnout, as was the case with one of our readers, and her idea to have some time off to relax wasn’t well-received either.

Although you are not getting paid, being a stay-at-home mom can definitely be a hard and demanding job. Here are some tips that can help you and your husband understand each other’s situation better.

• The first step you can take is to try to communicate more with your partner. Put your vacation plans aside for a bit, and explain to him how you’ve been feeling these past months.
• Getting burnt out can happen to anyone, even people who aren’t employed. In fact, stay-at-home parents don’t get PTO or sick leave, so it might be even harder for them to find some time to relax. Explain to your husband that taking care of the kids and the house every day without help can be very taxing on your mental health.

• Ask your husband to take on more of the chores and childcare when he has time-off after work or on the weekends. Being expected to be the main caretaker and doing all the chores 24/7 can prove to be a very quick way to a burnout. You both deserve time off to relax, and the same applies to you, even if you don’t have a paid job.
• Try to compromise. Maybe your husband is scared of handling everything for a full week, so propose going away for a weekend or a few days instead.

• Try to make time-off a regular occurrence for the both of you. You’re already letting your husband relax on his days off, but you should also ask for some time each month when you’re not expected to be in mom mode. Let him take care of the kids and some of the chores while you go on a walk, go to the movies, or just stay home and take a nap.
• Don’t forget to spend one-on-one time with your spouse as well. Given that he’s working full-time, and you are taking care of 3 kids, your schedule can be hectic. But look for opportunities when the children aren’t home, ask your parents or in-laws to take care of them for a few hours, or hire a nanny. Spending quality time with your partner is very important if you want a healthy and happy marriage.

Dealing with an unappreciative husband can be a hard pill to swallow. One of our other readers also found herself in a tough situation when her husband refused to help with housework after she got pregnant.