My Husband’s Daughter Must Follow My Rules If She Wants to Live With Us

Sarah never imagined she would be in this situation, but she needs some guidance. She’s feeling like the bad guy in her own house and is uncertain if her actions are right or wrong. She reached out to our team for feedback to see if she’s on the right path. Here’s her story.

Sarah set some guidelines for her stepdaughter to ensure a healthy atmosphere at home.

is married to a wonderful man named Mark, who has a 16-year-old daughter, Emma, from his previous marriage. Emma has been living with them full-time for the last six months. At first, Sarah was eager to build a closer relationship with Emma, but things hadn’t gone as she hoped. Emma is a smart and strong-willed teenager, and they’ve had disagreements about various issues, mostly related to house rules.

Sarah wrote, “From the start, I set some expectations for our household. I believe in maintaining a structured environment with clear rules to help everyone coexist peacefully.” Here are the rules:

Previously, when Emma lived with her mother, she never had to follow any rules.

Emma was accustomed to a more laid-back environment at her mom’s house and resisted Sarah’s rules from the start. Initially, it was small things like leaving dirty dishes in the sink or neglecting her chores. Sarah attempted to speak to her calmly, explaining the importance of these rules for everyone’s well-being, but Emma would just nod and barely comply.

The real issues began with the curfew. Emma often stayed up past midnight on school nights, texting or browsing social media. This affected her mood and school performance. When Sarah tried to enforce the 10 PM bedtime, Emma pushed back, arguing that all her friends stayed up later and it wasn’t fair.

Emma blew up.

Then there was the issue with screen time. Sarah wrote, “Emma was always on her phone. She’d bring it to the dinner table, despite constant reminders to put it away. One evening, I firmly asked her to put her phone down during dinner. Emma erupted, yelling, ’You’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!’”

For Sarah, this was the breaking point. She felt disrespected and undermined. She talked to Mark about it, but he was conflicted. He didn’t like seeing Emma upset, but he also recognized the importance of having rules. Unfortunately, he often sided with Emma, making it difficult for Sarah to enforce any rules consistently.

Sarah decided to give Emma an ultimatum.

One evening, following yet another argument about chores and curfew, Sarah sat down with Emma. She calmly but firmly stated that these rules were not up for discussion. If Emma couldn’t adhere to them, they would have to reconsider her living arrangement. Emma glared at her and retorted, “Fine, maybe I should just go back to Mom’s then!”

Sarah didn’t want it to reach this point, but she also couldn’t continue living in a household without respect for the rules. She suggested that perhaps spending more time at her mom’s would be beneficial until they could all figure things out.

Emma made a sudden decision.

Emma packed a bag and went to stay with her mom that night. They tried reaching out to her through her mother, but Emma was resolute and refused to speak with Sarah, insisting that returning wasn’t an option.

Her mother was also upset about the situation, saying they needed to discuss a different arrangement because Sarah couldn’t ensure her daughter’s well-being. Naturally, Mark was stressed the entire time, feeling torn between his wife and daughter.

Sarah now feels unsure and lost.

Mark was devastated and accused Sarah of being too harsh. She felt terrible yet also relieved because the constant tension had been overwhelming.

Now, Sarah is questioning whether she made the right choice. She wants to have a positive relationship with Emma but also believes in having structure and respect in their home. Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you balance enforcing rules while maintaining relationships with stepchildren?

Sarah would be thankful for any advice or insights on handling this family drama. Your thoughts on how to balance enforcing rules while keeping a positive relationship with stepchildren would be incredibly helpful.