My Husband’s Frugality Is Embarrassing, I’m Tired of Feeling Like an Outcast Because of It

A woman, 35, has shared her concerns about her husband’s frugality in her letter to our editorial. The woman doesn’t think that being frugal is a bad quality, however, in their family it has become nearly pathologic. The frustrated mom and wife just couldn’t bear such life anymore, finding it embarrassing and devastating. She wrote to us about her problem and asked us to publish her letter in order to get our readers’ opinions on whether this is a serious problem or she’s just overthinking.

Kelly’s family doesn’t have any financial problems, except for one thing.

A woman named Kelly, 35, has shared her story with Bright Side editorial. A mom-of-three wanted to hear some opinions and advice from people who might have dealt with the same situation in their families.

Kelly began her story, saying, “My husband Mike and I have been happily married for over 12 years now. We have 3 wonderful kids, who are consuming all my time and attention, as I am a stay-at-home mom, while Mike has a full-time job, and he’s the only breadwinner in the family at the moment.”

Kelly shared, “Mike has a well-paid job and since the past year his income has even doubled, as he obtained the status of a partner in his company, which resulted in his salary increase. I can say that with Mike’s income, we could’ve lived without any need to even think about money, but the situation in the family is quite the opposite now. I have a constant stress because of money, and it’s all about my husband’s pathological frugality.”

Kelly cannot come to terms with her husband’s financial philosophy.

Kelly shared, “We don’t buy anything extra except for food, clothes for us and kids, and we pay all our bills. That’s all. I can’t afford even buying presents for my family and friends, because Mike says it’s a waste of money, because presents mean nothing and it’s a good attitude that counts in relationship with nearest and dearest.
I have a very old phone that is half-damaged by our kids, and I can’t afford even buying a new one for myself, because Mike says I need a phone to make calls and type text messages, which my current device can totally do, and he insists I shouldn’t bother about having a new one.”

The woman added, “It’s taken a very unhealthy turn recently, when Mike decided that he would save money on his clothes, too. Having a partner’s status in the company obliges him to keep a strict and non-casual dress code, however, Mike says he doesn’t care about what people will think of him and his clothes, he goes to work in an old sweater and jeans whilst many of his colleagues wear suits to work.”

Kelly finds the situation quite embarrassing and it’s taking a toll on her social life, too.

Kelly explained, “The only thing Mike would eagerly spend money on are trips and adventures. We do travel a lot, and I enjoy it. But I want to be more in line with my friends, among whom I now feel like an outcast, because I cannot afford so many things. Whenever I want to buy some extra clothes for myself or go to an expensive restaurant to celebrate something, Mike’s frugality shows up in its full color. We often argue about money, I literally have to prove to him first that I really need this stuff or that, and he rarely even listens.”

Kelly wrote some words in defense of her husband, saying, “Mike doesn’t act frugally when it comes about quality food or clothes for our children, their education or medical treatment. He’s a very good father and husband, but I just can’t understand why I always have to feel deprived of things I really need for myself. Like a new phone, some good make up, or even a new vacuum cleaner, because we really need one, but we’re using our very old one instead, just because ’it’s still working’, no matter that it doesn’t function normally.”

Kelly’s husband has a reasoning behind his frugality, which Kelly just can’t come to terms with.

Kelly shared, “I confronted Mike many times about things, but his explanations make me furious. He always looks at me with despise and says that he just hates spending money on items that overly show his wealth. I tried to tell him many times that it is unfair and embarrassing that we live the way we do.

But Mike just keeps repeating countless times that it is simply not his style, he’s fine with what we have. He says we don’t need to show off or prove something to others. He says that he understands and sees people do talk about us, but he just doesn’t care.”

Kelly said, “I’m tired of arguing with Mike about any extra purchase that I want to make. I’m tired of being embarrassed in front of my friends and family that I don’t even buy them gifts very often. I really want to be more independent and start earning myself, but now, with 3 kids, it’s just impossible for me.
I need advice on how to make my husband listen to me. What could be a compromise here? Am I overreacting and do you think things between us are quite normal?”

And here’s yet another family story that started with a major misunderstanding between the spouses and ended up having a very unexpected twist. A woman kept finding some random tampons in their family bathroom. When she confronted her husband, she didn’t get any reasonable explanation, so she installed the cameras everywhere in the house. What she found out later, was beyond her understanding.