My In-Laws Keep Pestering My Wife and I About Grandkids, So I Offered Them a Compromise
The bond between grandparents and grandkids is truly special. So it is understandable why parents to adult kids are very enthusiastic about welcoming future grandkids into the family. But trying to convince a young couple to have children when they aren’t ready yet is never a good idea. One netizen had to face his in-laws’ anger when he finally snapped after being constantly bothered about starting a family.
A man got into an argument with his in-laws about future grandkids.
Basically, my in-laws want their only child, my wife Diana, to start giving them grandchildren. Diana is 28 and just finishing her PhD. Then she wants to get established in a career before we start a family. My in-laws know how much money I make, and they know we could live comfortably off my earnings. That isn’t what Diana wants.
She has worked hard to get where she is, and she wants to reap the rewards of her hard work. She also says that once she is working then I can cut back on my hours, I’m a welder, and relax a little. I have been working since I was 15, so literally half my life. I make a very good living in return for a lot of fairly hard work.
Over Christmas, the in-laws just wouldn’t drop it. I finally snapped. I said that if they wanted grandchildren, then they could reimburse us for her education. They could further pay her the salary she would be giving up. When she returned to work, they could pay her the difference between what she could be earning and her entry level position. They could pay for a nanny, so my wife could work.
Or they could back off and wait for us to be ready.
They said that they couldn’t afford all that. I asked them how they expected us to afford it. I said that if it was really what they wanted, they could just give her the inheritance that would be coming her way now instead of later. They got all offended and said that is not hers until they don’t need it any more.
Diana asked me to drop it. She has tried dozens of times to explain to her parents why we are waiting. They just ignore her. They ignore what we want for our lives. They have been very cold since Christmas. They seem to think I was rude for pointing out the costs of what they are asking for. A lot of her family agree with them that I went too far in asking them to pay if they want a grandchild now instead of later.
The poster gave more info in the comments.
- “My wife has waited a long time and put a lot of effort into her education and future career. We both want kids, but not right now.” Cool_Temperature_316 / Reddit
- “She did go to school with the intention of getting money. She is proud of her education and deservedly so, but if there wasn’t a lot of money waiting for her at the end, she would just have gotten her undergrad and moved on.” Cool_Temperature_316 / Reddit
- “We don’t want their money. We want to be left alone with regards to future grandchildren.” Cool_Temperature_316 / Reddit
Most Redditors agreed with the man.
- “They have to be reminded in VERY STRONG terms that it is literally none of their business. They have absolutely no say whatsoever in when you both choose to procreate. Stop being nice about it.
They need to be put in their proper place. If they want a new baby around, their option is to adopt. That’s where they have a say. Otherwise, they need to back all the way off.” The_Bad_Agent / Reddit
- “I’ve been there, husband was studying for his PhD and we kept getting that question. Eventually I snapped and pointed out the only person with a permanent job was me, and we would be waiting until he had one too. Pretty sure it didn’t help my relationship with my in laws, but that was their problem.” HBheadache / Reddit
- “Was your snap back harsh? Yes. Was it deserved? Absolutely. Sometimes, we need to be harsh.
They were constantly persistent and pressuring you both, despite your wife repeatedly explaining why you both wanted to wait. They needed to be shut down once and for all. Moving forward, if they try to start up again, keep it short & firm: ‘we aren’t ready/we aren’t discussing this’ and move on.” AlphaWolfRynn / Reddit
- “If they didn’t want you to say what you thought, they shouldn’t have said what *they* thought. They don’t have to agree with you, but it’s ridiculous for them to feel that free to express themselves and then clutch their pearls when you respond in kind.” Proof_Option1386 / Reddit
- “I think this is a brilliant response to grandparents insisting you ‘give’ them grandkids.” Extra-Ad2751 / Reddit
- “It would have been rude if you were literally asking/expecting them to pony up some cash so you guys could have kids. But you were simply pointing out what they’re demanding she give up in order to fulfill their wish.” OkeyDokey654 / Reddit
- “I don’t understand why you and your wife don’t just tell them that the next time they bring up the grandchild/baby topic, you and your wife will leave, and you won’t have contact with them for a month. And if they do it again, rinse and repeat.” voyageur1066 / Reddit
- “Pestering people to have children is a bad move. You sound so supportive of your wife and her ambitions, so kudos for that. You were just pointing out the obvious cost of having children to them.” Cutewitch_ / Reddit
Having problems and disagreements with in-laws is a common occurrence. Recently, we wrote about a mother-in-law who tried to join her son’s honeymoon, but her new DIL wasn’t very happy about the idea.