My MIL Gave My Kid the Flu, and I’m Beyond Angry

The health of a child is the most important thing for parents. They would do anything to keep it safe, and could become overprotective when something or someone is threatening it. Even if it’s a cold or the flu, relatives shouldn’t take the risk of making children ill, as one of our readers, Isabel, emphasized.

Forced to bed following Sunday dinner.

Dear Bright Side,

Sunday dinners at our place are sacred, with laughter, food, and just the right amount of family chaos. But last weekend, something didn’t feel quite right. My mother-in-law, who showed up uninvited, looked pale and tired. I asked if she was okay. She smiled faintly and said, “I’m fine.”

Later, I caught her discreetly sharing her water bottle with my son. I cringed, but before I could react, the moment passed.

Fast-forward two days: my son was down with the flu. Furious, I told my husband, but his answer left me speechless: “Mom just called me. She is having pneumonia.” The next day, I dialed her number, but an unknown woman picked up. A gentle voice said, “You’re late... she’s already been moved to the hospital.”

My anger hit a wall of guilt and confusion. I didn’t expect her to be in such a serious condition, but at the same time, I was worried about my son and what would happen to him. Luckily, he got better in a couple of days, and my MIL was released from the hospital a week later.

Still, I am angry with her and not sure how I should behave towards her.

Thank you, Isabel, for sharing your story with us. We came up with some ideas that you can choose to handle the situation with your MIL.

Don’t cut ties with your MIL.

Protecting your child is always the priority. But that doesn’t mean cutting ties completely. Your mother-in-law made a poor decision with her visit. But probably she wasn’t aware how ill she was at that time.

Influenza viruses can be detected in most infected people one day before symptoms develop and up to five to seven days after becoming sick. So it’s possible that she didn’t have any symptoms on Sunday, or only mild ones that she wouldn’t take seriously.

Talk about healthy habits.

Once you’ve calmed down, sit down with her and share your concerns. Establish the rules in cases when someone is ill in the family to prevent similar things from happening.

Like these:

• No visit in person if you don’t feel well.
• Not sharing food or drink with anyone else, especially with kids.
• Isolating if you experience symptoms, and visiting a doctor if you’re not getting better.

Setting up boundaries.

This can also give you a chance to clear the air between you and talk about all the issues you might have been having. They can be about hygiene, her behavior towards your son, or advising on how to raise him.

Knowing how to set boundaries with in-laws is just like setting them with everyone else. Make sure you are clear and consistent. It also takes mutual understanding because your mother-in-law will also have her boundaries. The more compassionate you are with each other, the quicker you’ll find a win-win solution.

Sometimes these boundaries are still crossed by mothers-in-law, as you can read in our My MIL Kept Ignoring My Boundaries—So I Finally Took My Revenge article.