My Mom Wants Money for Babysitting Her Grandkids, So I Gave Her a Dose of Reality

When we think of family, we often imagine love, support, and unity. But what happens when those relationships become strained by buried trauma and misplaced responsibilities?

Recently, a Bright Side reader reached out with a heartfelt letter. She’s an abandoned daughter of a wayward mother, caught in a storm of family drama.

We received a heartfelt letter from one of our readers, who chose to remain anonymous.

“Hi, Bright Side!

I’m a big fan and a regular reader, I’ve always loved giving advice to the folks in your stories. But now, the tables have turned, and it looks like I’m the one who needs help.

I’ve been an emotional mess for two days. Who knew my own mother could hit me with such a metaphorical slap in the face?

My mom left me when I was 6. I forgave her for leaving me as a child. When she returned last year with nowhere to go, I took her in—no rent, no bills, just one request: asking only that she babysit the grandkids. Yesterday, my kids told me she didn’t feed them because she wasn’t getting paid for it. So, without telling a word, I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.”

But let’s go back to the beginning of the story to delve deeper into the conflict of mother-daughter relationships.

“I wasn’t a planned child. My mom got pregnant at 18 by accident with her boyfriend, who eventually disappeared. She was an excellent student, and everyone had high hopes for her, so her pregnancy was a huge shock to the family. Probably out of guilt, my grandmother stepped in to help and took care of me while my mom focused on her studies.

Over time, I ended up spending more and more time with my grandmother. My mom was studying, dating new boyfriends, going to parties, and eventually, I was living full-time with my grandmother, so I wouldn’t get in the way of my mom building her new life.”

At some point, the mother completely disappeared from our reader’s life.

“She would visit on weekends and send gifts, but I never felt that maternal love. Even as a child, I felt like a mistake, like I was a burden to her. Whenever I saw other girls with their mothers, I felt a deep sense of envy and resentment. I couldn’t understand what made me so different. Why didn’t my mom love me?

When I was 6, my mom graduated from university and got a job offer at a big company in another state. Of course, she couldn’t take me with her. But she promised that once I’d grown a bit, and she had settled into her new life, she’d bring me to live with her.

I spent every day, dreaming of that moment. But when a year passed, my mom told my grandmother that we’d have to wait a little longer because her new job was demanding. She never took me with her, and after that, she stopped calling, stopped sending gifts, and stopped wishing me happy birthdays.”

Years later, the grandmother revealed the secret of where our reader’s mother had actually gone.

“Many years later, my grandmother finally told me the truth. She had kept it from me to protect me, not wanting me to know the harsh reality. It turned out there was no job offer. My mom had moved to another state for a boyfriend, and soon got caught up in a downward spiral that left her struggling to keep afloat.

My grandmother kept this secret, letting me believe that my mom had abandoned me for work, fearing that if I knew the truth, I might end up just as lost as she was. She didn’t want me to make the same mistakes.”

Many years later, her mother finally returned. But her return was far from selfless.

“Last year, my mom came back. I hardly recognized her. Her lifestyle and bad habits had clearly taken a toll on her, and the young woman she once was was gone. She asked for forgiveness, tearfully telling me about her struggles. She had nowhere else to go, and my grandmother had passed away five years ago. By then, my husband, kids, and I had moved into my grandmother’s house. Without hesitation, I offered her a place to stay. The house was big, and we had a free room.

Over time, I saw that my mom was trying to recover. She had quit her bad habits, and hearing her stories was heartbreaking. I started to hope that maybe, just maybe, I could finally get the motherly love I’d missed out on growing up. I acted like the little girl still hoping for the love I never received.

I never asked her for rent or food money. I took her shopping, bought her clothes, cosmetics, even a new phone. I wanted to help her, hoping she’d show me some love in return. The only thing I asked was for her to watch my kids (they’re 4 and 5) while I went back to work, since I couldn’t afford a nanny.”

The children admitted that their grandmother had been mistreating them.

"Yesterday, my kids told me she hadn’t fed them all day because she said ’she wasn’t being paid’. They went hungry for eight hours until I came home. I was furious. I’d let her into my home, given her everything she needed, and now she was demanding payment for looking after her own grandchildren?

So, I went around the house and put price tags on everything—food in the fridge, toiletries, even the stuff I’d bought for her. If she wanted payment, maybe she should start by paying for all the things she got for free.

When she came home and saw the price tags, she didn’t get it at first. I reminded her about what happened with the kids and told her to settle up with me. She completely lost it.

She said, “I came back to you, you should be grateful! Besides, this is my house too. It belonged to my mother, so I have every right to live here! And I certainly don’t have to look after your little brats. If you need a nanny, hire one, but you don’t have the money, so you decided to use me instead!”

Our reader’s main priority was protecting her children. But she is still tormented by guilt for having asked her mother to leave.

“I was in complete shock. After everything, I had forgiven her, given her a place to stay, and treated her with care. And now, after all of that, I’m the ungrateful one? By the way, the house was left to me by my grandmother, not her.

I told her I didn’t want her in my house anymore, or around my kids. She was still the same selfish person she had been 30 years ago. She left, and I have no idea where she went or what happened to her.

I stood up for my children, but I still feel weighed down by it all. I was hoping, deep down, that I could finally have the loving mother I never had as a child.

So, I’m asking, did I do the right thing here?”

It takes courage to speak up about boundaries in family dynamics, especially when emotions run high.

Thank you for sharing your story with us! First off, we can understand why you’re feeling conflicted. You gave your mother a second chance and tried to help her, offering her a place to stay, buying her things, and asking for very little in return, just that she help look after your children. It’s clear you were trying to heal old wounds and give her an opportunity to be part of your life, especially after all the hurt you went through in your childhood.

However, when your mother started treating your kids poorly, that crossed a line. Not feeding your kids because she wasn’t getting paid is unacceptable, and it makes sense that you were furious.

Here’s some advice to help you navigate your situation while addressing family responsibilities, conflict, and child care expectations effectively.

How do you set boundaries for babysitting family members?

Start with clear, direct communication. It’s challenging to set boundaries, especially with someone you’ve hoped could change. In your case, the boundaries should be rooted in self-respect and protecting your family.

You are not obligated to give someone, even a parent, endless opportunities if they continually violate your trust and basic responsibilities. Letting your mother into your home was an act of kindness, but when she treated your children poorly, you had to protect them, and your own mental well-being, by removing her from your home.

Start by recognizing that setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person or an ungrateful child, it makes you a strong, self-respecting individual who is putting the needs of your own family first.

Did you know? Studies show that in the UK, around 63% of grandparents regularly provide childcare for their grandchildren under 16 years old. This highlights how common it is for family members to share caregiving.

Should you get paid for babysitting family members?

It’s not unreasonable to discuss compensation, especially if babysitting becomes a regular expectation. Family shouldn’t assume free labor, and it’s okay to gently bring up the topic.

Openly addressing child care expectations helps to clarify roles and prevent conflict over assumed family responsibilities. In some cases, mutual favors, such as help with errands or meals, can be an alternative to monetary compensation.

Should you expect love from family?

It’s natural to want love and care from a parent, but sometimes, our expectations don’t align with the reality of the relationship. After years of emotional neglect, it’s important to reassess what you expect from your mother, whether she’s capable of offering the love you hope for, and if maintaining a relationship is worth the emotional toll. You have your own family now, and you can create the loving, nurturing environment that you missed as a child for your own children.

Moving forward, communication is crucial when it comes to family dynamics. While it might be difficult to speak with your mother right now, if you choose to reconnect later, calmly explain how her actions affected you. For example, saying something like, “I offered you a place to stay because I wanted to build a relationship, but when you didn’t care for my kids or respect the boundaries I set, it was clear to me that this relationship wasn’t healthy for me or my family.”

You deserve to be treated with respect, and that includes not being used or taken for granted, especially when you’ve already been through so much emotional pain in the past.

What’s your opinion on this situation? Share your advice with our reader!

Moving forward, it might be helpful to take time for yourself and reflect on what you need in your relationships. Therapy or counseling could help you process the deep feelings of abandonment and resentment you’ve been carrying, allowing you to heal from the past. You’ve made a huge step by standing up for your children and establishing boundaries, but there may still be emotional work to do for your own peace of mind.

Good luck, and feel free to update us on how things progress!

We had a perfect marriage for 12 years until I decided to do some spring-cleaning and revealed my husband’s secret life. I started sorting through dusty boxes in the garage that had been there for years. While going through them, I opened one without thinking.
Inside was a heart-shaped candy box. But what truly froze me was what I found inside. My heart sank when I saw a note: "Thanks for sharing your husband with me... Click here to read the full story!