My Son Refused to Speak to Me Without His Wife, Until It Blew Up in His Face

It is hard to reach out to a loved one when they have already decided to shut you off. In this mother’s case, time and attention were limited as it required a condition from her son — to only speak with him when his wife is around. But this setup escalated into something heartbreaking.

It all started with incompatibility.

She wrote, “This issue started a while ago, my son married Becky. Becky and my daughter do not get along. Looking in on it, personalities don’t mix well. They frustrate each other a lot.

About a year ago, the family was having a BBQ and Becky was asked to bring paper plates so no one had to clean plates. She brought plastic plates, so my daughter would need to wash them in order to give them back to Becky by the end of the night. The BBQ was at her home.

I think it was a breaking point for her, because she grabbed me and went inside. She had a big rant where she was not pleasant about Becky. It was mostly about her not following instructions, and in her eyes, that she was incompetent. I told her to calm down and just enjoy the night. I would do the dishes.”

Their conversation was interpreted against them.

She continued, “A few days later, I got a call from my son saying he would only communicate with me if Becky were there. So group chats, if she is on the phone with him or in person. He heard that we were talking badly about his wife, and this is what he is doing now. Same thing with my daughter, he didn’t let me explain.

So from then on, we have been communicating that way. It has been frustrating at times, and I don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything personally.”

She revealed her situation.

She added, “This brings me to the main issue: I have breast cancer. I informed the kids one by one about it. I am not comfortable explaining my diagnosis with his wife in the room. We are not close, and I am very emotional about it.

So I texted him that we needed to talk alone, and he told me that anything I say, I can say in front of his wife. I called him, but no answer, and saying it was very important didn’t do anything.

My option was to tell him with an audience, or not tell him and let him learn from someone else. I chose not to tell him, I had my first appointment, and my daughter made a post on Instagram wishing me luck and support.

He called me up, annoyed that he found out about this on social media, and called me inconsiderate for not telling him. My point was that I did try, and he wouldn’t listen to me.”

People have voiced their opinions.

• I’m sorry about your diagnosis, OP, and I wish you the best of luck with your treatment. The truth is, you asked your son for a private conversation, and he said no. He does not then get to berate you for not telling him.
  This is the consequence of his own shortsighted actions and, frankly, you don’t need the drama right now (something else he might consider before yelling at you about his own perceived slights). You DID ask him, and he said no.
  Really sorry you have to deal with this on top of the cancer, OP. Please look after yourself 💕© Unknown author / Reddit
• He’s making his choices. Your medical info is private, and if he doesn’t want to give you the opportunity, that’s 100 percent on him. My sister is the same way with her husband. So be it.
  Was Becky on the phone when he called you annoyed? Because there’s an awful lot of irony there, if not. © maj0rdisappointment / Reddit
• Becky sounds like an instigating person, and your son is an enabler, not even hearing you out. He established a no-contact type policy because he doesn’t like his self-centered wife being called out.
  You tried to tell him, and he refused to meet up with you. Now he is upset he found out this way, when if he had met up with you and didn’t put his annoying wife on an unearned pedestal, he would have been told face to face.
  I am so sorry you are going through all this! And I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery. © Unknown author / Reddit

• First, the plate thing. I would have accepted the plates and set them aside, and informed Becky where the nearest store was so she could quickly get the requested paper plates and explain that I am sure she doesn’t want to be washing the plates at the end of the night before she leaves. Petty, I know, but it gets the point across. Sorry, but it was bugging me, lol.
  Second, your son needs to grow a pair. Sometimes it is not about his wife. If he was worried the conversation was going to be about her, he should have informed you first. If that was the case, he would shut it down, but he didn’t even give you a chance. © Fancy_Bass_1920 / Reddit
• This reminds me of a recent post where a son didn’t learn of a parent’s passing until way after the fact because his spouse disliked the family and put up a “boundary” that they couldn’t call/text or etc. They’d gone on vacation and wouldn’t answer the multiple calls and texts sent stating it was an emergency.
  You are not required to discuss your health with anyone you don’t want to. He chose to only communicate if his wife is involved, so now he has to deal with the consequences of those actions.
  Some may say to give him grace, that the wife is probably controlling or etc., but he’s an adult. Unless there is some type of mental disability, he knows what he’s doing and has to deal with the consequences! © Unknown author / Reddit
• Do not feel guilty about it — that is on him. He is the one who put limitations on your communication. If you cannot have a private discussion with him, then he is going to miss out. You are under no obligation to cater to his wife, especially with something so personal.
  The last thing you need is to be stressed out. I wish you the best with your treatments and a speedy recovery. © Helpful-Science-3937 / Reddit

If there are conflicts in families, there are also secrets that are not meant to be known. But these people have shared some secrets about their family. Read at this link.