9 Things That Any Woman Going Through Divorce Needs to Hear
One woman shares that when her husband decided to move away, she needed to tell her kids and the whole world that they were divorcing. It was a feeling of devastation. But time passed and she learned a bunch of interesting things about herself and her life.
We at Bright Side support everyone who has had difficult times and would like to highlight some lessons that women learned after their divorce.
1. Your life gets easier after a divorce.
Yes, there can be moments when you’re terrified and hopeless. One blogger shares, that from everything she heard, there was a feeling that this grief would last forever. But it wasn’t like that after all. On the contrary: “There is also a new silver lining, one that’s filled me with hope, joy, and an overwhelming amount of gratitude.”
She was finally able to be herself and understand what she actually wanted from life. Basically, divorce is a new page and you become a completely different person step-by-step. You lose yourself, to find yourself and understand later that your marriage was toxic. She found out that cleaning would only take an hour or even less, and she had more time for hobbies, to relax, or to do something that felt good.
2. You understand that life gets better for your children.
The blogger says that before the divorce she was constantly worried and wondered if her children would be okay without her around all the time. But it turned out that these worries were groundless. Now she’s been able to watch them grow and get stronger on their own.
They became much braver and take responsibility. The “new normal” reality happened and they explored it.
3. You understand that crying is not weakness.
Another woman shared her story, saying that it was Christmas and they were decorating a Christmas tree with the kids. And she cried with all of her children. Then they had a group hug, talked about their true feelings, and set new traditions.
Crying doesn’t make you weak. It’s a normal thing to brace yourself for. You need to accept yourself and that means you need to accept your emotions. It’s okay for children to understand that their mother is not a robot.
4. You can see guilt as the hardest thing to let go of.
For this blogger, the hardest thing was accepting that life wouldn’t be the same anymore and that the plans you had to grow old together wouldn’t happen. They even felt much happier with the new arrangement after the divorce. Still, the feeling of guilt was a difficult thing to let go of.
This blogger advises that you stop blaming yourself because this sucks energy. Women are capable of everything and they can handle it all. Just let go of the past.
5. You shouldn’t settle on the perfect relationship in your head.
One more woman confessed that after her divorce and some time in therapy, she realized that her marriage wasn’t something that she and her ex-husband both wanted. They just settled on a certain plan to buy a house, get married, and have kids. She was doing what she was supposed to do.
Working on the “ideal” relationship made her forget what she wanted to achieve actually: “Settling was toxic for our marriage.”
6. You shouldn’t wait for the better times.
Waiting and hoping are great things, but they’re not enough. Don’t waste a good life, just get rid of the bad. This girl advises not delaying, because it took her 2 years after her divorce to start doing something. Now she understands and wishes she had done it earlier.
7. You should choose solitude, but not loneliness.
Enjoying your own company is important. Yes, it’s difficult to adjust to a new life after living with another person for a long time, but there is a good cure for loneliness, and it’s called solitude.
This blogger says that the solution for her wasn’t jumping into another relationship, but she started to work on herself and to analyze why she feels lonely without another person. Becoming comfortable with yourself is a huge and positive change.
8. You will get freedom.
As one woman admits “Life after divorce for me has only improved. For the first time in my life, I felt free. I was totally on my own and the minute I could, I started living alone. On the emotional front, I have become much more grounded, authentic, free, expressive, and healthy. I am much happier.”
9. And you can celebrate it.
Just do as Mauritanian women do. They celebrate their divorce. They arrange parties and dinners and make ululating cries of joy. So why not to gather your girls and boost your emotional state?
In your opinion, what is a good thing to do to feel better after a divorce? Do you believe that toxic marriages can be fixed?