13 Ways to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship | How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Relationships are an important part of our lives, but some of them, unfortunately, do not go so well. When you feel like your partner is being abusive, and you wonder how to get out of an abusive relationship, we encourage you to trust your instinct and leave them. Since it is hard to figure out if your relationship is actually toxic, we want to give you some tips to get out of an abusive relationship.

Bright Side wants you to take care of yourself, and we believe that everyone deserves to live in safety, surrounded only by people who love them. If you or someone you know has found themselves in an abusive relationship, we hope our guide will be helpful in leaving an emotionally abusive relationship.

1. Detect the red flags to find out if you are being abused in a relationship.

If you have to ask yourself how to get out of an abusive relationship, then the answer is most likely a signal that you are not in a healthy relationship. A lot of victims that are abused by boyfriends often fall victims to gaslighting as well. So if your doubts are based on the fact that you tried bringing the concerns to your partner, and they brushed it off as nothing, that is also a form of abuse.

However, we understand that it might still be difficult to make a clear call about getting out of abusive relationships. We prepared a checklist of signs to detect toxic traits in relationships. You don’t need to check all the points for your doubts to be confirmed, even one unresolvable problem we will list here is enough to leave an abusive relationship.

2. If your partner is overly jealous or wants to monopolize your time, you may being abused in a relationship.

A little bit of jealousy is nothing too bad, as it can be a sign of someone simply not wanting to lose you, but “a little bit” is the key word here. Leave an abusive relationship, if your partner gets jealous of you to the point of mistrust. Signs, like not letting you hang out with anyone else or do anything by yourself without them present, are clearly red flags.

3. Women that are abused by boyfriends are often lacking privacy and personal space.

Abusers do not believe in private life since you two are in a relationship, so they will feel comfortable checking your phone, emails, and other things. They also may not understand the concept of personal space or free time and feel like they are entitled to have access to you at all times.

Here is important to highlight each other’s independence and how to leave an emotionally abusive relationship that instead of nurturing your individuality is eroding your self-esteem.

4. Get out of an abusive relationship if they guilt trip you.

Guilt-tripping someone means making them feel guilty over something you’ve done in order to make you behave the way they want. Abusive partners often say things like, “if you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this.” But unfortunately, far from being a love demonstration, this is another clear signal to leave an abusive relationship.

5. If your significant other makes you the sole person responsible for their feelings, you might need to end abuse.

If your partner gets irrationally angry at something you’ve done and even becomes violent over it, but refuses to apologize afterward and take responsibility for this disproportionate reaction, saying it is only your fault, then it is a red flag of being abused in a relationship.

By the way, sudden outbursts and the desire to make up for them later, like going from 0 to 100 and back quickly, are also another reason to escape an abusive relationship.

6. An abusive husband or abusive partner would pick fights to tease your limits.

Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is sometimes difficult, because the abuse may not seem as clear as when it comes to physical violence. However, it is important to detect every little detail. If your partner constantly teases you and pushes your emotions to the limit to argue about any situation, then you may leave that abusive relationship.

Abusive partners will not take responsibility for picking fights and will instead blame you. Most of the time, once the arguments are over, they may immediately forgive you just to keep you around. But ending the abuse is about first realizing that this type of behavior is not normal or healthy.

7. Escape abusive relationships that belittle you and lower your self-esteem.

If your relationship is the cause of you having self-worth problems because you always seem to do things wrong according to your partner, it means that you need to leave an abusive relationship.

Our personal relationships are meant to build us up and create a community of people who genuinely want what’s best for you, at no point should they become the reason for you to start self-doubting everything about yourself.

8. Bring an end to abusive relationships if there’s any type of physical abuse.

Physical abuse does not always mean your partner beating you up, it also means any unwanted contact with your body. Leave an abuser, if, for example, they hair pull you, throw items at you, grab your face to make you look at them in an argument, or any other scenario.

9. “I want to leave my abusive relationship, how do I do it?”

After you have come to terms that you, unfortunately, entered the relationship with the wrong person, which is not your fault at all, it is time to make a plan on how to leave an abusive relationship.

Depending on the severity of the situation and whether you live together, it may be harder to leave. Since you may not be able to predict their reaction and may not feel safe enough to break up in a traditional way, we have prepared a safety plan on how to escape an abusive relationship and what to do next, even after leaving.

10. Prepare yourself to safely leave an abusive relationship
and let go of all your doubts.

Preparation is an important first step. At this point, you may still be thinking that things can change, and your partner will be able to see the reason and stop their behavior. Or maybe you’re thinking that you are to blame for getting into this situation, so you deserve what comes with it. Please remember that none of these things are true, and you should leave the abusive relationship you found yourself in.

As unpleasant as it may be to hear this, there is no way for you to make you change your abuser’s ways. You can recommend that they go to therapy and sort their issues out. But after everything you have been put through, you do not owe it to them to wait around and see if things change, even if they agree to get professional help.

Remember that the longer you stick around, the more damage this relationship will do to you. It is time to end an abusive relationship. Put yourself first, admit that the relationship is over, and it was never something you imagined it to be. It was no fairy tale, your partner was being abusive, and they are not the person for you. You deserve better things and someone who will genuinely love you.

11. Talk to the people that you can trust to receive support when leaving an emotionally abusive relationship.

It may seem like you are alone in the world, and you have to deal with this situation of how to escape an abusive relationship by yourself, but that is untrue. There are a few groups of people who you can talk to, so you can figure out the next steps together.

• Family and friends. It may feel a little bit shameful to admit to those who are close to you that you are being abused, but please remember that it is not your fault and any rational person will be able to see that. There is no shame in being a victim, so please confide in the people who have proven time and time again they will be here for you no matter what.
  In fact, a lot of friends can feel that something may be wrong in a relationship, but don’t speak up about it because they think that it is not their place to do so. If your abuser successfully managed to isolate you from your friends and family, then do not hesitate to contact them anyway. If they genuinely want the best for you, then they will help you in every way that they can.

• Your doctor. You can definitely benefit from seeing a therapist after going through an abusive relationship. However, it is not the only cause why an abuse victim might want to see a doctor. If your partner is abusive to the point that you must always tell them about your whereabouts, use a doctor’s appointment as an excuse.
  If you are a woman with an abusive boyfriend, tell him you need to see a specialist regarding a woman’s health issue, so it would be embarrassing if he went with you. If your partner insists on going, try to sneak in a note to the hospital saying that you wish to see the doctor alone. At the doctor’s office, tell them about your issue, so they can contact the appropriate people to help you.

• Domestic violence hotlines. No matter what country you are from, there is a good chance that there is a hotline, and it is available 24/7. Trained professionals will talk to you and give you detailed instructions on what next steps to take and how to leave an abuser.

12. If you wonder what to do when in an abusive relationship, take steps to leave the house.

If you and your partner or abusive husband are living together, or if you think it’s unsafe to stay where you are anymore because you are worried about what they might do, then prepare an escape plan.

• Find a safe place where you can go. You can stay at a friends’ place, a hostel room or at a shelter. It’s best to pick a location where they will not be able to find you, for example, in a distant relatives’ house, if that is at all possible.

• Memorize the phone numbers of all the important people and shelters. If your abuser takes away your phone, you will still be able to reach the people who want you to be safe through someone else’s phone.

• Buy a new phone. If you have the money, it’s good to buy another phone — it doesn’t need to be all fancy or anything, just a simple cheap burner phone will do in case your partner will try to track your main phone or take it away.
  It is also helpful in case your partner is evading your privacy and goes through your phone. Use it as another means of communication with those who will help you.

• Protect your internet activity. If you are looking up things on how to escape an abusive relationship, do not do it on any shared devices or accounts with your abuser because they can easily track it. Do it through your friend’s phone or at a public library.

• Prepare a list of things you will need to take with you, like documents. This may seem obvious, but while most people will make sure to take things like an ID and necessary clothes, we want to remind you that it’s also important to take the medicine that you take with you, as well as any proof you may have of domestic abuse, like records from the hospital if you have them on-hand.

13. Contact your local domestic violence hotline in case you cannot leave an abusive relationship.

There may be many instances of why you feel like you cannot get out of an abusive relationship: you don’t have any money, you share children with your abuser and others, but domestic violence hotlines are there to help you.

Most of them can help you in gathering the money and give you other professional advice. Again, you should not be alone in this situation, you will need help getting out of an abusive relationship, either way, so do not hesitate to reach out for help.

Bonus: What to do after leaving the house and escaping an abusive relationship.

First of all, good job on leaving an abusive relationship!

If you don’t have the option to stay at the house of your friends or family until you find a new place to be, then there are some important things you need to do to plan your future.

• File a restraining order against your abuser. Contact your local domestic violence hotline to get professional advice on how to go on about this procedure.
  You may worry about not having any money for the lawyer, but just remember that there are people who are willing to do the work pro bono. Do not give up before you have even started doing something, there are many nice people in the world who would be willing to help.

• Ask the professionals about traditional housing. Staying at your family’s place or a shelter may be the first step, but once the time is up, you will need some other place to live.
  If you are in no condition to afford to rent an apartment yourself, ask the hotline about how to safely leave an abusive relationship. There are some types of houses that let the victims of domestic violence recover and gather the money to be able to support themselves.

• How to heal from being in an abusive relationship. You need to recover from any type of abusive relationship. In any case, being put in this situation took a toll on your mental and perhaps physical health.
  The main thing you need to do is prioritize self-love and yourself in general. Your abuser might’ve destroyed your self-esteem and made you seem like a bad person in your own eyes, so surround yourself with people who genuinely love and appreciate you in order to build it back up.

Talk to other abuse victims, so you can see that the things you have experienced aren’t uncommon. Nowadays, there are a lot of internet communities dedicated to this and how to leave abusers.

Do not be afraid to ask for help moving forward, especially for professional help. If you are able to afford it, get therapy. It is the right thing to do, as it will help you work through everything you had had to deal with. If you can’t afford professional help, there are resources and workbooks online about how to get out of emotionally abusive relationships that can be of help to you, available for free.

We wish you all the best.

Is there any advice you can give to victims of abuse?