18 People Whose Ignorance Turned Out to Be Better Than Standup Comedy

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, or so they say. Here go some instances of people who clearly thought they knew it all, only to (hopefully) realize that they had it wrong. From strange beliefs about saving the environment, to some strange ideas of creatures, these conversations really take the cake.

• I was checking out from a departmental store today, I handed the cashier a $10 bill. She proceeded to tell me that I need to stop using cash because I am destroying the environment.
  © mcvicker14 / Reddit
• Up until 6th grade, I thought ironic meant something was made entirely out of iron. I was only corrected on my misunderstanding when my teacher asked me to explain my logic after I commented on how the hole puncher was the only ironic object in the room. I still remember the look of bewilderment on her face as I said it. © Unknown author / Reddit
• Her: “We don’t use any petroleum products in our house.”
  Me: “None?”
  Her: “None.”
  Me: (thinking of all the petroleum products that’re assuredly in her house and picking the most obvious target) “There’s no plastic in your house? Not even a baggie or a garbage bag?”
  Her: “Well, yeah, we use plastic bags for stuff.” © FabulousGumstick / Reddit

• I was working at a motorcycle parts counter. Guy buys a bike and wants gloves. Asks me if the gloves are real leather. I tell him that it is a synthetic leather, wears well but can melt to your skin.
  Unprovoked, he proceeds to tell me he doesn’t use animal products and tells me how hard it is to find canvas shoes. I tell him that, “They say the gasoline you put in your motorcycle comes from animals. Just really, really old ones.” He was not amused at my attempt at humor. © Unknown author / Reddit
• My father and I used to mess with my sister as she was growing up. When she saw an orange tree for the first time the oranges were unripe and very green, we then told her that all the citrus fruits came from the same tree, and depending on when you picked them, that was the fruit you got. They started as limes, then ripened into lemons, which would grow into oranges, and then if left too long would grow into grapefruits.
  She graduated with honors from a major state university last year. We found out that she still believed this during our family trip to Mexico last spring when we had to break the news to her. © uthnara / Reddit
• I met a girl who tried to warn me about drinking water that had been boiled, because she said it boiled away the hydration, and you’d still die of thirst if you just drank that. © Puppypunter95 / Reddit

• A friend who I care for very dearly once drove me nuts. Because I, one time (ONE TIME), forgot to turn my light off in my room when going out for the night, he told me people like me were killing the planet.
  I wouldn’t have minded if this were not the case: I am stingy with electricity due to cost. None of my family owns cars, as none of them can afford them. I’d been on 1 return plane journey in my life, as though cheaper than they were; flights aren’t pocket change.
  Basically, through having no money, I accidentally turned to being more “green.” Meanwhile, he turned off my lights and wrote me notes telling me I should never run a bath but only ever shower and that my handwriting was too big taking notes, so I used too much paper in lectures.
  And he flew home to the other side of Europe every 6 weeks. And flew to the US three times a year. And Africa and Asia, on holiday too. And drove his parent’s expensive car across Europe a bunch of times. And ordered heavy goods from other continents. And took taxis everywhere while I walked.
  I told him, after getting a math-inclined friend to crunch the numbers, that my light would have had to have been left on for 11 years to run up as much CO2 as one of his short haul flights. He told me that he was a ’contributor’ to awareness and that excused what he did, and that his carbon footprint usage was more important. © pikeyb****** / Reddit
• I drive for Uber on the weekends, and one time a girl who was in her late 20s told me that I was making her uncomfortable. I haven’t said a word the whole trip, so I asked how I could make the situation better.
  She said she didn’t like how I kept “playing with the fidget stick in the middle of my car.” I drive a manual. She then told me that I didn’t need to use that because “her car didn’t have that” and claimed to be a mechanic. © VnGChrome / Reddit
• The son of a friend of mine made a bird feeder out of a plastic soda bottle and brought it in for show and tell. He was told by the teacher that he shouldn’t use it to feed birds because it’s still litter and should be recycled instead. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t finding another use for something considered trash, count as recycling? Apparently it’s not recycling unless you put it in a bin somewhere. © MeEvilBob / Reddit

• My friend worked at a food place and would feel bad about food being wasted, so she would eat all the leftover scraps or mistakes even if she wasn’t hungry. She claimed it was to not be wasteful, but since she was already overweight, the food just became more weight that she was trying to lose. The food was still wasted, but just wasted differently. So now she is even more upset. © amhoney / Reddit
• I overheard a woman at an electronics store ask for clarification about the new laptops. “Can you switch it off when you’re not using it? You know, I’m a responsible person.” © resistentialism / Reddit
• Had a friend over years ago, and we were talking about my plasma TV. He said that he would never buy a plasma TV because he didn’t want to have to replace the plasma when it ran out. I didn’t correct him. I thought it would be best if he didn’t buy a plasma TV. © DerpDerpingtonIV / Reddit

• English teacher here. Once, while showing my class the Leonardo DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet, I had a student stare at the screen in utter confusion, before she said, “How can he be in this movie? He died in Titanic.” © BlakeMP / Reddit
• I work in a pharmacy, and very often people ask for “natural” alternatives to OTC medicines. For some reason, “natural” has become a synonym for “good for you.”
  Arsenic is natural. So are sharks. Neither are really good for you. © Unknown author / Reddit
• Me: “What weighs more; a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?”
  Coworker: “Bricks!”
  It took me about 15 minutes to explain the answer to him, which included me drawing it out on paper and using a kitchen scale with different items for examples. © CarlosAVP / Reddit

• [edited] My class read about ptarmigans. We were in Grade 6. My teacher called them made up. I told him they were arctic birds, so he sent to the library.
  I came back with an encyclopedia. The teacher read the entry aloud, and then told the class that teachers don’t know everything, and they should never be afraid to speak up.
  One of the best teachers I ever had, thanks Mr. Murphy! © TheMightyGoatMan / Reddit
• I bought a Venus Fly Trap for my desk at work. One of the women who works in HR came over to my desk and stared at it for a long time, looking confused. Eventually, she asked, “Where are its eyes?” © chrisw1984 / Reddit
• At one of my first jobs as a graphic designer, a client called me into his office and pulled up a photo he took. He then asked me if I could turn it around. No, not rotate it, but turn the viewpoint around. He wanted to see what was behind the camera when he originally took the photo...
  I have so many stories from that job. © HerNameIsRain / Reddit

Clearly, not everyone who wants to know better, actually knows better. If you want to make a change, at least for the planet, here are some eco-friendly swaps that work better than these strange statements and beliefs.