22 Children Who Turned Parental Embarrassment Into Stand-Up Comedy

When it comes to children, and the things they say, most parents know to expect the unexpected. Even then, kids end up saying or doing something so vividly funny that parental figures end up struggling — torn between the need to laugh, and good manners. Such moments remain framed in parental memory forever, and become family anecdotes to be shared at every family gathering. Here are some beautifully funny incidents, because laughter is the best medicine.

• I had to carry my kid off the playground and, as I was hauling him off, he yelled, “Amber Alert, Amber Alert!!” He is still a smart little dude and makes me laugh for saying things he knows are naughty but not actually banned. Earthling03 / Reddit
• My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy’s hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him, but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy. ValuableMine9 / Reddit
• When my sister was around 3-4 she thought that people who were using wheelchairs got them so that they didn’t have to walk while on holiday. Got pretty embarrassing when she started pointing and shouting, “Look, that man’s on a holiday!” Leathit / Reddit
• Our cat is named Bruce. He’s cool with my son and I, but the other pets... not so much. He’s a Maine Coon so he’s quite big as well, and he’s not very nice to his brother cat, chihuahua and standard poodle.
  My littlest guy coined the phrase: “Don’t be a Bruce-bag.” And it’s been our family’s go-to insult for years! MissyMrsMom / Reddit

• My 3-year-old was singing about dinosaurs loudly at the grocery store and I told her I loved her singing, but asked her to please use her inside voice. She randomly came out with, “I’m sorry, mommy! Please don’t lock me in the closet!”
  And a whole bunch of people turned to look at me. I’ve never once locked her in a closet! There’s no room in our closet even if I wanted to! Lost_n_spaced / Reddit
• My oldest was 4 or 5 at the time. We were in a big grocery store being checked out, and the cashier had a bunch of dark-colored spots all over her face. Like freckles, but darker. They may have even been little moles, I don’t know.
  My dear child asked her what happened to her face. The lady was a good sport and told my daughter she was just born like that, but you could tell she was self-conscious about it. I wanted to sink into the floor. NaesieDae / Reddit
• We were in the pet food aisle of a grocery store and talking about how our dog was very old when he died; and how our cat was quite old, and we weren’t sure how much longer he would have to live. This older woman was sharing the aisle with us and my 4-year-old son turns to point at her and says “so this lady...” and I had to scoop him up very quickly before he could finish his sentence. huggle-snuggle / Reddit
• Not my kid, but my brother. It was Christmas Eve mass, and he was about 3 or 4. Brother snuck out of his seat, laid down on the priest’s feet, and loudly sobbed, “We go home now?”
  I have never seen my mom so red. The priest just laughed it off and said that was his cue to stop talking. Jazzlike-Honey-9157 / Reddit

• No parent, but when I was a kid I peed on my uncle’s dog (young enough not to remember but old enough to know better). My mom claims she was almost in hysterics, but had to put a stern face on. DominionGhost / Reddit
• When my daughter was 2, she used to call every bald man she saw “Daddy!”, because her dad is bald, of course. Didn’t matter if they were 30 or 60, just had to be bald. Very awkward for me and the “daddies”! internet_distraction / Reddit
• When my son was around 5-6, I told him while grocery shopping that we were visiting my MIL for Thanksgiving that year because I couldn’t afford the time to cook a lot of food at once (I was finishing a college degree + working).
  As we were leaving, I stopped to grab a drink at a serving counter, and he proceeded to tell the barista that “We’re going to my Nana’s for Thanksgiving because my mom can’t afford to cook dinner now!” I didn’t shop there again for at least a month. Absolutely mortified. pensive_scribe / Reddit
• My 2-year-old wanted to be picked-up, but I was holding my newborn... so she tried to climb my pants, and resulted in pulling them down. Bangbangsmashsmash / Reddit
• My husband and I were eating lunch with our 2-year-old son in a restaurant, and there was a gentleman at the table next to us with a prosthetic leg — our son looked at it and started pointing and saying “ROBOT, ROBOT, ROBOT!” In a loud robotic voice 🤦🏻‍♀️The-Remedy / Reddit

• My autistic son, money in hand, went up to Christmas carolers singing outside the grocery store, and asked them, “Stop singing, please.” A voice of both earnestness and absolute authority. To be honest, he was doing all of us a favor. Unknown author / Reddit
• We were standing in line to get on a plane and my oldest (who was 3 at the time) pointed to the man directly behind us who had a very large stomach and said very loudly, “He is having a baby!” Luckily, he was such a good sport and was so kind. But I had to explain a couple of things to her after that. LaTeeter / Reddit
• My daughter was 5 and saw me cleaning up. She says, “Mommy, why do you put that stuff in the garbage?” I said because it’s old and that’s where it goes, in the garbage.
  A week later, we were in line for a public event for Christmas lights. I made a comment about being old because my knee hurt. She loudly shouts, “DON’T GET OLD, MOMMY, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO THROW YOU IN THE TRASH!” LintL****444 / Reddit
• During a lesson as a swim teacher.
  Kid: “So, do you live here?”
  Me: “What do you mean?”
  Kid: “Once the lesson is over, do you like, live in this pool?” PurpleFunk36 / Reddit
• When he was 3 or 4, my son told his grandmother to “Get in the kitchen and make my sausages, woman!” He is now an adult and has a 3-year-old daughter that is definitely paying him back. NiacTD / Reddit

• My 6-year-old son came bawling downstairs with huge red marks on his arm, “Clemmie bit me!” “CLEMENTINE!” I yelled out. Our 2-year-old bounced downstairs.
  I raised my eyebrow, and asked her, sternly, “Clementine, what did you do?” She replied, “I ate him.” Unknown author / Reddit
• Friends had a 4-year-old daughter who kept climbing into bed with them in the middle of the night. Finally, they decided it had to stop. The next time she came to them, they told her to go back to her own bed. She stomped to the door, opened it, turned around, and yelled, “A family isn’t a family if they can’t sleep together! I’m moving to Florida!” kipopadoo / Reddit
• I was walking through a building with my then 4-year-old son when a man on crutches, with
  one amputated leg got into the same elevator. My son asked, in stage whisper, “Mom, what
  happened to his leg?” The man heard him and kindly replied that he lost his leg a year ago.
  My son didn’t miss a beat and asked, “Did you check between the couch cushions? My mom says she always loses stuff in there.” I was appalled. The man, on the other hand, was laughing so hard he was crying. mainlyforshow / Reddit
• I had a similar experience that still makes my mom cringe. At grocery store in the checkout line. Man has awesome hook claw arm thing.
  I ask what happened. He says he lost it in a fireworks’ accident. Innocent me asks if he will ever find it again. Unknown author / Reddit

If you couldn’t stop laughing at these anecdotes, we totally understand, given we are in the same boat. On the flip side, here go some parents who turned little white lies into genius parenting hacks.