A Woman Explains Why Not Living Together Is a Secret to a Happy Marriage
In the world of happy marriages, couples often wonder, “What makes a perfect marriage?” They explore ideas like having regular date nights, and some even suggest unique strategies, such as sleeping in separate rooms. But in New York, one woman has pushed the boundaries, suggesting that true marital happiness might involve living in different homes.
She wasn’t ready to give up her apartment.
When Bianca Turetsky, a 43-year-old writer, married Peter Bach in September 2021, she had already established her own life. Following their wedding, she decided not to give up her beloved Brooklyn apartment, which had been her home for over a decade and held immense sentimental value.
After a tough breakup, her apartment became her safe haven. She purchased it, moved in, and started anew there, making it very special to her, almost like family. Likewise, her husband, Peter, had a strong connection to his Manhattan home. Therefore, the newly married couple decided to maintain their separate residences and live apart from each other.
She chose a cat over a husband.
Turetsky realized she couldn’t live with Bach. When they first started dating, she told him about her rescue cat, Cleo, but soon found out that both Peter and his teenage son had severe cat allergies. She decided that she couldn’t part with Cleo just for the sake of getting married.
Now that the teenager has gone off to college, the couple still chooses to live apart because they’ve found that this arrangement works perfectly for them.
She admits many don’t understand their marriage.
Bianca shared that when people initially hear about the couple’s unconventional living arrangement, they often express a lot of curiosity. However, she believes that many eventually start to envy the freedom both she and her husband enjoy.
The 38-minute commute on the New York City subway doesn’t bother Bianca. She keeps herself occupied during the journey and has become quite skilled at crossword puzzles and various versions of Wordle. She acknowledges that this isn’t what she initially expected marriage to be like, but it has turned out to be so much better.
Keeping the spark alive.
Bianca believes that living in separate homes keeps their romance alive and prevents them from taking each other for granted. Even after nearly six years together, their typical weekday evenings still feel like cherished dates. Her partner prepares dinner for her in anticipation of her arrival.
Despite her deep familiarity with him, their time together continues to evoke excitement and butterflies in her. This unique arrangement nurtures the enduring flame of their relationship.
Many celebrity couples agree.
It appears that Bianca and Peter aren’t the only couple who believe that spending some time apart might hold the key to a happy marriage. Many celebrity couples openly admit to favoring separate beds, and surprisingly, this practice can breathe new life into their relationships.
For instance, Gwyneth Paltrow shares this belief, regarding separate sleeping arrangements as a crucial element for a joyful and enduring marriage. David and Victoria Beckham also choose to sleep separately, as they have separate bedrooms. They invested in a countryside residence with distinct wings for each of them, featuring private kitchens, bedrooms, and courtyards to ensure maximum privacy and independence.
A significant number of people, one in three, have found that they sleep better when they’re alone. This trend of not sharing a bed is becoming more common, driven by various factors such as snoring and temperature preferences. For many couples, opting for a “sleep divorce” is not a sign of relationship problems but rather a means to improve the quality of their rest.