I’m Child-Free, and I Refuse to Keep Sending Money for My Brother’s Kids—It’s Not My Responsibility

Family & kids
2 months ago
I’m Child-Free, and I Refuse to Keep Sending Money for My Brother’s Kids—It’s Not My Responsibility

Jane never wanted kids and instead built a career that gives her financial freedom. Her brother went the opposite way: a growing family, constant bills, and a never-ending struggle to keep up. Over the years, he’s leaned on Jane for help more than once. But when the “small favors” turned into a much bigger expectation, the family dynamic changed, and not in the way anyone hoped.

Her brother’s requests became increasingly insistent.

Hello Bright Side,

My name is Jane. I’m child-free and have always earned well, while my brother’s family struggles. He asked for help often.

But, recently, he requested monthly payments for his children. After I refused, imagine my horror when his son called crying, “Mom and Dad are arguing again about money...”

Ilonka Wimmer-Ljungqvist
month ago

One question, does your brother's wife work or is she a stay-at-home mom? She might need to get a job and help with the bills, etc.
It's not your responsibility to make sure their finances work. If they're so tight on money, you might wonder why they have kids before they have a steady income they can live on. It's funny how some people expect others to solve their financial problems just by whining enough and blaming the person who says NO. You might wonder WHY your brother and his wife are fighting over money, is it because she's spending it on unnecessary things or is it because he's maybe gambling it away or vice versa.... There must be a reason for the fight...

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My brother couldn’t get money from me and felt hurt he couldn’t provide for his kids. He asked for help with diapers and groceries. I reminded him it’s not my responsibility, no matter how guilty he tried to make me feel.

He thinks that because I have no kids, I don’t understand what it’s like when you can’t cover their expenses. But is it my problem to solve?

— Jane

Phyllis Popp
4 days ago

Sounds like your brother and his wife need to take on additional jobs to supplement their income. That is their issue to fix not yours You have only yourself to rely on. If you were injured or got sick and had to miss work, depending on if your job has short and long term disability benefits you need enough funds on hand to take care of yourself.

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Shannin Bushey
2 months ago

I am a single mother my daughter wanted a sibling but guess what I couldn't afford another child so I didn't have any more if I can do it as a single woman there are 2 of them my parents worked 2 jobs I've worked 2 jobs I couldn't imagine having another child when I can't afford the one I have not your problem you've helped out a lot already now they expect it every body nowadays expects everything to be handed to them if you couldn't afford them don't have them

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Larry Jaquish
2 months ago

He choose to have kids and it is his responsibility to provide! If you choose to help financially there should never be any pressure or expectation from him, if he presses again cut him off forever.

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Gail Rodgers
2 months ago

If they have a washing machine and dryer, Get them 3 dozen cloth diapeprs and tell them to stop wasting money on buying diapers. I used cloth diapers for both my boys. We couldn't afford disposable ones. I also nursed them as I couldn't afford formula.

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Carol A
2 months ago

I swear, I'll never understand this new age thinking that someone else should bail you out for your choices or mistakes. Once upon a time, we were ashamed to admit our poor choices or that you needed charity. Seems the current thinking is it's my life and I can do what I want, and if I flub up, as a fellow human being, it's your job to help me. And to that, I say B******t.

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William Standage
2 months ago

Hell no that's why you chose not to have kids so you supporting his kids is defending your purpose you think

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Jen
2 months ago

Are you kidding me? My Great Depression born parents taught us you have to take care of yourself and your own. I don't understand the concept of leaning on another adult.

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Rachel Weber
2 months ago

Personally, I always help out my family when they need it. If I have it, I'm happy to help. But, no, if you don't want to, it's not your responsibility and it's absolutely unfair that he roped his son into it to make you feel guilty.

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2 months ago
This comment was too good to show it to everyone.
Creativeusername
2 months ago

If they specifically want money and aren't happy with gifts of diapers and food or help from food bank it isn't a money problem, it's a drug, gambling, shopping problem. Also it's not your job to keep providing for their family. The tone makes it sound like much help has been given yet they couldn't get stable. That means overspending or under working and change is needed. Once past formula and diapers kids aren't expensive, esp with clothing pantries, thrift stores, free stuff on Marketplace. My sister got my nieces whole wardrobe up to age 3 for free from a mom who wanted to clear out closet. Then she passed clothes on to another mom. Baby Nikes are not a need

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Jerry Mccrone
2 months ago

It's not your responsibility, but your honor to be of some use in this world. I cant imagine not extending help to someone who needs it. Would you refuse God? That's what you're doing.

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Kathy Winters
2 months ago
Jerry Mccrone

With brother regularly returning to the well, what started out as extending help has turned into enabling. I wouldn't dream of asking my siblings for a monthly stipend for any reason. The lord helps those who help themselves. Continuing to fund brother's lifestyle gives him a disincentive to become self supporting by his own contributions.

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Lisa Barbeau
2 months ago
Jerry Mccrone

Why are you suggesting she is of no use now? She has a career, takes care of herself and has helped her brother’s family already. Sounds like she has been of a lot of use in this world. Or is this all about a woman daring to choose child-free?

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Darlene Devinney Landis
month ago
Jerry Mccrone

No she's not. She's has helped them many times as stated. He doesnt get to demand monthly income from his sister. THEIR HIS KIDS. HE SHOULDNT HAVE THEM IF HE CANT AFFORD THEM. I DONT THINK GOD WANTS HER TO BE USED OVER AND OVER. I WOULD THINK HE WOULD WANT THE BROTHER TO STAND ON HIS OWN 2 FEET.

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Cheryl Cadwell
month ago
Jerry Mccrone

Ok, I want steak and lobster every night for dinner, cough up some cash for me! You see HOW STUPID THAT SOUNDS? They don't want help they want MONEY. BIG DIFFERENCE. So please don't start with "would you refuse GOD", that ain't GOD, honey, that is GREED and it is A SIN.

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BC Survivor
2 months ago

There should be resources in there area that can help them with food and diapers. Maybe you could locate a for him and direct him to those places.

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Smalldeer Gregory
2 months ago
Just another soul

Funny. It takes TWO to create a child. Why is it always this idiotic response? Why not say "keep it in your pants"? Or SOMETHING that reflects the MAN'S part in creating babies.

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Just another soul
2 months ago
Smalldeer Gregory

Funnily enough nobody cares how many it takes.
Because the problem is slut who didn't use or demand protection demands smart person takes care of their kids. She could have been something and told the partner to use protection. It only takes one idiot to make a baby. They literally teach about contraception in schools

F*ck your kids

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barbara Nivens
2 months ago

Not at all. They should have considered how many they could afford before having to many. It is not your job to pay for his choices. Continue saying no

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Sorry for what happened, but family conflicts like this happen more often than you’d think. Here are a few tips that might help you handle the situation with your brother:

  • Offer guidance, not cash. Point your brother toward resources, apps, or community support that can actually help him budget and manage expenses. You can care about their well-being without turning into a walking ATM.
  • Keep communication calm, not confrontational. Money fights escalate fast. Stick to facts and your limits, avoid guilt trips, and don’t let emotions push you into giving more than you’re comfortable with. A calm “this is what I can do, and no more” works better than arguing.
  • Consider occasional non-monetary support. Babysitting once in a while, helping with errands, or sending deals/coupons can relieve pressure without creating dependency. It shows you care but keeps you out of the financial pressure zone.
Dinnora Fischer
2 months ago

I would want to see his finances, just to see where maybe some corners can be cut then we'll talk because blindly giving money will create a rift if you find he's splurging and just doesn't know how to manage money

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  • Protect yourself legally and emotionally. If your brother starts expecting regular payments, be clear and document your stance. You don’t owe ongoing support just because you’re child-free. Keep everything in writing if it gets persistent: texts, emails, and notes.
  • Check your own limits first. Feeling guilty is normal, but guilt isn’t a currency. Helping is generous, enabling is not. Recognize when your involvement actually helps and when it fuels dependency, and stick to your line.
Tamara King
2 months ago

You don’t owe him anything. I ask my older brother for help here and there but he doesn’t owe me anything.

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  • Set invisible limits. Only help when it’s convenient for you or in ways that don’t create a pattern. That way, you avoid confrontation, but they slowly learn limits exist.
  • Turn requests into projects. Instead of handing over money, help your brother tackle one specific problem at a time—like planning a month’s groceries or creating a diaper budget. Makes the issue manageable and keeps him accountable.
  • Offer concrete, one-time help, if you feel like it. For example: “I can grab a pack of diapers this week” or “Here’s a grocery gift card.” Make it occasional, specific, and limited. That way, it’s clear this isn’t a permanent solution.
Kimberly Regner
month ago

Don't give him money. Those kids are his responsibility not yours. It's not your fault he and the children's mother were so irresponsible as to have children when they can't even afford diapers for them.

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When family favors kids over you, it stings, and it can push you to take matters into your own hands. One reader shares how being child-free forced her to rethink family, fairness, and standing up for herself.

Preview photo credit Towfiqu barbhuiya / Pexels

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K Fitz
2 months ago

"I am happy to pay for your first session with a financial planner."

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Carolyn Beagle
2 months ago

Tell him to get a second job. That is how I made ends meet. It is his responsibility. I would not give him anything going forward as it will never be enough and it will be ongoing forever. Make him put on his big boy pants and figure it out

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Connie Maks
2 months ago

You have two grown adults that choose to keep having children and they want you to pay child support. That's crazy!! If you wanted to spend money on children, you would have had your own.

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Darlene Devinney Landis
month ago

Its the easy way out for him if she does it. He doesnt want the effort of 2 jobs. Or maybe mom doesn't
Want to work. Either way this has been easier for him because she has given him money before. Now she says no so he conveniently his kid to call grandma. Whatever you think do not keep enabling your brother. Your not doing him any favors

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