I’m Child-Free, and I Refuse to Keep Sending Money for My Brother’s Kids—It’s Not My Responsibility

Jane never wanted kids and instead built a career that gives her financial freedom. Her brother went the opposite way: a growing family, constant bills, and a never-ending struggle to keep up. Over the years, he’s leaned on Jane for help more than once. But when the “small favors” turned into a much bigger expectation, the family dynamic changed, and not in the way anyone hoped.

Her brother’s requests became increasingly insistent.

Hello Bright Side,

My name is Jane. I’m child-free and have always earned well, while my brother’s family struggles. He asked for help often.

But, recently, he requested monthly payments for his children. After I refused, imagine my horror when his son called crying, “Mom and Dad are arguing again about money...”

My brother couldn’t get money from me and felt hurt he couldn’t provide for his kids. He asked for help with diapers and groceries. I reminded him it’s not my responsibility, no matter how guilty he tried to make me feel.

He thinks that because I have no kids, I don’t understand what it’s like when you can’t cover their expenses. But is it my problem to solve?

— Jane

Sorry for what happened, but family conflicts like this happen more often than you’d think. Here are a few tips that might help you handle the situation with your brother:

• Offer guidance, not cash. Point your brother toward resources, apps, or community support that can actually help him budget and manage expenses. You can care about their well-being without turning into a walking ATM.
• Keep communication calm, not confrontational. Money fights escalate fast. Stick to facts and your limits, avoid guilt trips, and don’t let emotions push you into giving more than you’re comfortable with. A calm “this is what I can do, and no more” works better than arguing.
• Consider occasional non-monetary support. Babysitting once in a while, helping with errands, or sending deals/coupons can relieve pressure without creating dependency. It shows you care but keeps you out of the financial pressure zone.

• Protect yourself legally and emotionally. If your brother starts expecting regular payments, be clear and document your stance. You don’t owe ongoing support just because you’re child-free. Keep everything in writing if it gets persistent: texts, emails, and notes.
• Check your own limits first. Feeling guilty is normal, but guilt isn’t a currency. Helping is generous, enabling is not. Recognize when your involvement actually helps and when it fuels dependency, and stick to your line.

• Set invisible limits. Only help when it’s convenient for you or in ways that don’t create a pattern. That way, you avoid confrontation, but they slowly learn limits exist.
• Turn requests into projects. Instead of handing over money, help your brother tackle one specific problem at a time—like planning a month’s groceries or creating a diaper budget. Makes the issue manageable and keeps him accountable.
• Offer concrete, one-time help, if you feel like it. For example: “I can grab a pack of diapers this week” or “Here’s a grocery gift card.” Make it occasional, specific, and limited. That way, it’s clear this isn’t a permanent solution.

When family favors kids over you, it stings, and it can push you to take matters into your own hands. One reader shares how being child-free forced her to rethink family, fairness, and standing up for herself.