I’m Child-Free, and I Refuse to Keep Sending Money for My Brother’s Kids—It’s Not My Responsibility

One question, does your brother's wife work or is she a stay-at-home mom? She might need to get a job and help with the bills, etc.
It's not your responsibility to make sure their finances work. If they're so tight on money, you might wonder why they have kids before they have a steady income they can live on. It's funny how some people expect others to solve their financial problems just by whining enough and blaming the person who says NO. You might wonder WHY your brother and his wife are fighting over money, is it because she's spending it on unnecessary things or is it because he's maybe gambling it away or vice versa.... There must be a reason for the fight...

My brother couldn’t get money from me and felt hurt he couldn’t provide for his kids. He asked for help with diapers and groceries. I reminded him it’s not my responsibility, no matter how guilty he tried to make me feel.

He thinks that because I have no kids, I don’t understand what it’s like when you can’t cover their expenses. But is it my problem to solve?

— Jane

Phyllis Popp

4 days ago

Sounds like your brother and his wife need to take on additional jobs to supplement their income. That is their issue to fix not yours You have only yourself to rely on. If you were injured or got sick and had to miss work, depending on if your job has short and long term disability benefits you need enough funds on hand to take care of yourself.

Sorry for what happened, but family conflicts like this happen more often than you’d think. Here are a few tips that might help you handle the situation with your brother:

Offer guidance, not cash. Point your brother toward resources, apps, or community support that can actually help him budget and manage expenses. You can care about their well-being without turning into a walking ATM.
Keep communication calm, not confrontational. Money fights escalate fast. Stick to facts and your limits, avoid guilt trips, and don’t let emotions push you into giving more than you’re comfortable with. A calm “this is what I can do, and no more” works better than arguing.
Consider occasional non-monetary support. Babysitting once in a while, helping with errands, or sending deals/coupons can relieve pressure without creating dependency. It shows you care but keeps you out of the financial pressure zone.

Dinnora Fischer

I would want to see his finances, just to see where maybe some corners can be cut then we'll talk because blindly giving money will create a rift if you find he's splurging and just doesn't know how to manage money

Protect yourself legally and emotionally. If your brother starts expecting regular payments, be clear and document your stance. You don’t owe ongoing support just because you’re child-free. Keep everything in writing if it gets persistent: texts, emails, and notes.
Check your own limits first. Feeling guilty is normal, but guilt isn’t a currency. Helping is generous, enabling is not. Recognize when your involvement actually helps and when it fuels dependency, and stick to your line.

Tamara King

You don’t owe him anything. I ask my older brother for help here and there but he doesn’t owe me anything.

Set invisible limits. Only help when it’s convenient for you or in ways that don’t create a pattern. That way, you avoid confrontation, but they slowly learn limits exist.
Turn requests into projects. Instead of handing over money, help your brother tackle one specific problem at a time—like planning a month’s groceries or creating a diaper budget. Makes the issue manageable and keeps him accountable.
Offer concrete, one-time help, if you feel like it. For example: “I can grab a pack of diapers this week” or “Here’s a grocery gift card.” Make it occasional, specific, and limited. That way, it’s clear this isn’t a permanent solution.

Kimberly Regner

Don't give him money. Those kids are his responsibility not yours. It's not your fault he and the children's mother were so irresponsible as to have children when they can't even afford diapers for them.

He will reject any help you offer outside of money. Lazy people really dont want help in that manner, they want the easy way out. Anytime a grown man is asking for a monthly stipend for HIS kids he is not trying to solve a problem at all. You supporting them means you have a right to ask questions. Like whats going on with your money, do you not make enough, are both working or etc. Get to the bottom of why they need that much help. I would ship the diapers and formula, but they would need to prove to me why they need cash.

Angela Federico

I so agree here, but take them both aside together and start writing out their monthly budget plan. Don't take what they tell you to heart have them show you paperwork, check stubs, bills in total, house payment rent or mortgage, car/s whatever the bill may be and if you feel like it then sit them down and do this make sure they show you their check stubs completely look at the dates make sure it's monthly or bi-weekly or however they get paid so they're not trying to put one over on you and yes you do have the right if they're going to expect and ask you for money. I myself was a divorcee and supported and raised my two children I got four jobs at one time thank God I was young back then but I did what I had to do and if they keep putting these bills on them self that is their problem make their budget with them so you know just as well as they do that you all did this together and this is what they're going to have to work with whatever they're spending their money on they need to quit and yes I agree with one of the other comments get them cloth diapers if you feel like it and tell them here start washing and using these but you are not responsible that's not fair to you and I understand as a sister you want to help but there's a limit and maybe as Auntie you could take the kids and just say you know I want to take them out for lunch or dinner or something and I don't know take him out to go get something like a couple of outfits if you can do that whatever it takes you know just be Auntie that's what you are you're an auntie not their mommy and her daddy so I mean that sounds like a good plan I would think just so they know that you are not going to be come there Financier. I hope this makes sense but I understand how you feel I wish you the best of luck in this situation please keep us up to date I would really know or like to know what came of the whole deal if you don't mind!

Gaynelle Burnette

Angela Federico

What she doesn't have to do all that good lord. She needs to simply say no and that's that

Darlene Devinney Landis

Angela Federico

If they have the gall to ask for monthly payments for kids that aren't hers they are not going to stick to any budget they come up with.

Justina Moran

Calling him lazy is just pure ignorance. All you know of him is what Jane said,that he asked her for some money You know nothing about their situation or of their past. Perhaps Jane and partner both have 6 figure salaries and jet around the world, or Not . I don't know but assuming is the mother of all "yes your the A hole"just like assuming that he is lazy....

Darlene Devinney Landis

Justina Moran

Not assuming lazy but anyone ignorant to ask for monthly payments from the sister whose kids are not hers is a pretty crappy individual

Cheryl Cadwell

Justina Moran

Because he obviously IS. He has children that he can't afford and is asking for her to pay for them. THAT IS ENTITLED AND LAZY AND SELFISH. If you are calling her out it's most likely because YOU ARE JUST AS ENTITLED, LAZY AND SELFISH. It doesn't matter if she has ELON MUSK MONEY, It is hers and she doesn't owe him anything. Blood doesn't mean that you have to pay for family.

Cheryl Cadwell

Even buying diapers or formula won't work, because every dime SHE spends helping them, THEY WILL SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT ON SOMETHING ELSE THAT THEY DON'T NEED!

When family favors kids over you, it stings, and it can push you to take matters into your own hands. One reader shares how being child-free forced her to rethink family, fairness, and standing up for herself.

Preview photo credit Towfiqu barbhuiya / Pexels

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K Fitz

"I am happy to pay for your first session with a financial planner."

Carolyn Beagle

Tell him to get a second job. That is how I made ends meet. It is his responsibility. I would not give him anything going forward as it will never be enough and it will be ongoing forever. Make him put on his big boy pants and figure it out

Connie Maks

You have two grown adults that choose to keep having children and they want you to pay child support. That's crazy!! If you wanted to spend money on children, you would have had your own.

Connie Maks

Shame on him for using his own child to try to make you feel guilty.

Darlene Devinney Landis