I Charged My Sister for Babysitting Even When She Wasn’t There — Now She’s Furious

Sister fights can be really unpleasant. But when one sister makes an agreement with her younger sister who suddenly changes the terms at will, can the bond of sisterhood still stand? Rebecca finds herself butting heads with her younger sister, Anna, whom she believes is taking advantage of her by breaking their agreement and now their falling out is causing rifts in the family. But is being family enough reason to overlook broken commitments, or should accountability still apply?

Let’s take a look at Rebecca’s story:

The sisters had an agreement.

I (30F) have been letting my younger sister, Anna(20F), who’s in university, live with me and my husband while she finishes school. Two years ago, we came to a very clear, written agreement: she’d pay $500 a month, which would cover her room, food, and utilities, and in return, she’d help out around the house and watch our two kids every other Saturday night so we could go on date nights.

I thought this was a pretty fair setup. Her school charges about $1,200 a month for shared student housing, and it’s only available during the school year. By staying with us year-round, she saves quite a bit, and she’s always had her own space and plenty of independence.

Everything was smooth—until recently.

The relationship between sisters has recently started to grow tense.

My sister started dating someone seriously, and understandably, she wants more time with him. That’s fine. But she’s now saying she doesn’t want to watch the kids on Saturdays anymore, even though it was something we both agreed on from the start.

I reminded her of the original arrangement and told her I could hire a babysitter if she no longer wanted to help, but that she’d need to cover the cost since that was part of what she was contributing. She got upset, saying that would use up almost all her income. Then she told me she plans to move into student housing next semester.

I told her I was okay with that—it’s her choice. I even mentioned that I’d probably turn her room into a hobby space, which I guess came across the wrong way because after that, things really blew up.

Rebecca is being criticised by all of her family members now.

My parents got involved and were furious with me. They said I was taking advantage of Anna and that family shouldn’t charge each other or expect help like that. My mom told me I should let her stay for free and stop expecting her to contribute anything at all. I tried to explain that this was all based on an agreement we both signed, and it had worked fine for two years—but they wouldn’t hear it. My mom even threatened to cut me off completely over it.

Yesterday, I came home to find Anna packing up her stuff. She didn’t tell me where she was going, just that I was being “mean” and that I was forcing her to spend more money and be away from her boyfriend and job. She made me feel like the bad guy for holding her to a deal she had been fine with for a long time.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. I thought I was being reasonable, but with everyone acting like I’m the problem, I’m starting to wonder if I’m wrong for expecting my sister to follow through on our agreement, even though her circumstances have changed?

Thank you for your story Rebecca, here’s what we think.

The flexibility of agreements in a family

Having a written agreement with Anna was a wise move because it helps to set clear expectations and minimise misunderstandings from the both of you.

That being said though, adaptability is often necessary in family connections. It makes sense for Anna to ask for revisions to previous arrangements as her academic and personal lives change. You need figure out how to retain a good relationship with your sister by finding the balance between fairness and flexibility.

Communication and family expectations

Your parents are bound to have their own opinion on the matter, but while their ideas might be coming from a good place, it’s crucial to identify what works best for your immediate household and that requires having open discussions about expectations. Both you and Anna will feel heard and appreciated if boundaries are established and upheld.

Babysitting schedule

We’d advise you to try and find a more neutral solution for your problem. You could not make Anna pay the whole sum for a babysitter, but a half of it, and cover the other half yourself. Or, you may sit and talk to her about some kind of schedule, which would mean taking turns in looking after the kids, so that both of your private lives don’t get sacrificed too much.

Anna moving out might be good for your relationship.

Anna’s decision to move out might be a chance for both of you to reset the relationship with clearer boundaries. You can support her as a big sister while also allowing her to be independent and this could build a stronger connection between you too.

Anyway, we think that talking to Anna and establishing some win-win decision is possible, and we hope find the way out without further tension in your family.

Check out these two sisters who are not seeing eye-to-eye on parenting styles.